Grave Digger is always a relevant metaphor.

Richie Reynolds was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, and his doctors told him that he has between 6 months and a year left to live. But instead of sitting around and feeling all sorry for himself, Reynolds decided it was time to enjoy life one last time, and his family agreed. So they called up the Sports Car Driving Association and worked out a deal to let Reynolds, a huge racing fan, get behind the wheel of a stock car and take a few laps on the track at Lime Rock Park in Connecticut.

I wish they would have also asked for a live AC/DC soundtrack, but I guess you can’t really push your luck with last wishes.

Reynolds said racing around the track made him forget all of his troubles.

“When it’s my time it’s my time,” he said. “It’s totally a dream come true. Never expected it in my wildest dreams.”

Richie’s feelings are if these are his last days, he may as well make them days of thunder. (Via WABC New York)

I think this is amazing, but then I’m a sucker for stories like these. I’m not sure it can get much better than a man finding out that he’s dying and his family showing their appreciation by fulfilling a dream that he probably never thought could come true. Unless maybe if a really attractive woman re-tells the story. And of course I can make that come true for us all.

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This part is supposed to be the story:

Raiders starting middle linebacker Rolando McClain has been arrested in his hometown of Decatur, Alabama, for allegedly assaulting an individual, holding a gun to his head and firing a shot next to his ear.

But probably the only thing you’re going to notice is that epic, cheesy, socially-uncomfortable photo of him being led into a police car captioned “McClain smiles for the camera after he was arrested by Decatur police”.

As the story goes, the victim got into a fight with a guy named Jerradius Willingham and, by proxy, McClain. He lost. As he was crawling to his car, McClain held a gun to the guy’s head and made him beg for his life. Instead of blowing his brains out, McClain held the gun next to the victim’s ear and fired it. He’s been charged with discharging a firearm within city limits, third degree assault, menacing and reckless endangerment. It’s the second time this year he’s been present when shots were fired. He’s 22. That’s the picture he took as he was being arrested. It’s funny, yeah, but Jesus.

“I didn’t do anything and am being treated stupidly by these policemen” is the only reason I can see to pose like Norbit in your arrest photo. If he seriously held a gun to another human being’s head and tried to blow out his ear drum because he thought it’d be funny AND posed like this as he was being taken away he is beyond f**ked. Maybe not professionally, a topic that requires tons of editorial columns to assess and over-analyze, but personally and in his physical brain he is f**ked.

[via SFGate]

I can’t really add anything to that headline that wouldn’t be redundant, other than that I’m surprised that this kind of thing doesn’t happen to the CEO of Garmin or Tomtom. And just for the record, I prefer the British voices on my GPS navigators. They sound more trustworthy.

Former miner Jimi Heselden, 62, plunged into the River Wharfe while riding around his West Yorkshire estate in Boston Spa on a rugged country version of the Segway. He bought the firm last December and was using one of the machines – which use gyroscopes to remain upright and are controlled by the direction in which the rider leans – to inspect the grounds of his property.

A spokesman for West Yorkshire Police said today: ‘Police were called at 11.40am yesterday to reports of a man in the River Wharfe, apparently having fallen from the cliffs above…”At this time we do not believe the death to be suspicious.” –Daily Mail (UK).

This is where some idiots would say “the jokes just write themselves here.” NO THEY DO NOT. That’s just your lazy way of saying “I think this is really funny and I’m too lazy to infuse my own humor.” Prick. I might be too lazy as well, but at least I’m willing to own it.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1315518/Segway-owner-Jimi-Heselden-dies-riding-machines-cliff.html#ixzz10k6jHr2O

Here’s a screencap of a video featuring Dany Heatley of the San Jose Sharks–and some random girl–throwing out the first pitch at a recent San Francisco Giants game. Lo and behold, it’s Heatley that throws the ball like a girl while the actual girl manages to get it to the plate. Smooth move, Dany.

There’s so many things going on here that my head’s about to explode. First of all, why do they have two people throwing out the first pitch? Wouldn’t that make them the ceremonial first and second pitches? And take note that Heatley is standing in the GD grass and still can’t get it to the plate without a one-hop. Of course, I really need to temper expectations of a guy that killed his best friend in a car crash in 2003. That really wasn’t meant to be funny. Read the rest of this entry »