Paul Bissonnette of the Phoenix Coyotes jumped on Twitter to post pictures from the team’s Halloween party, and I really do wish I could say “Paul Bissonnette as Hacksaw Jim Duggan” was the news to share, even if he thinks Hacksaw said “OOOH” instead of the proper “HOOO”. No, what you see above is winger Raffi Torres as “Jay-Z”, complete with brown skin, and his wife, who I guess thinks a ton of self-tanner and a sparkly dress constitutes Beyonce.

Bissonnette was quick to defend his teammate thinking this was a good idea:

“As far as everyone trying to call ‘Racism’ because Raffi dressed up like Jay-Z can simmer down. He’s a huge Jay-Z fan.”

And that leads us to the next few sentences, which you (and I’m talking to Raffi Torres directly, here) should read carefully and commit to memory:

I get it. You aren’t a racist. You like black people. You wanted to be a black guy you like for Halloween, and that guy has brown skin, so you made your skin brown. When someone like you dons an “innocent blackface”, much like Spanky did that time he put shoe polish on his face to escape the house dressed as Buckwheat, it causes rambling, point-and-counterpoint discussion about the history of prejudice and the widespread ignorance of entitlement on every sports blog and news show known to man. Here’s the quick version … it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re trying to be racist. Wearing blackface, especially in 2011, especially when you’re a sports celebrity and especially when people are taking pictures of you to put on the Internet, makes you the dumbest motherf**ker alive.

You’re stupid. You’re a dumb, stupid idiot. Don’t do this. Just don’t. That’s the end of the discussion. It’s a bad idea, regardless of what percentage non-white you happen to be or how many black people you talk to on Facebook. Your thought process should be “I should dress up as Jay-Z for Halloween … haha too bad I’m not a black guy” and then you dress up as Peanut Butter Jelly Time or the Black Swan or whateveer.

“Jay-Z” isn’t even a good costume for a black guy, it’s just “black guy in Yankees hat and sunglasses”. Jay’s wearing a Biggie Smalls costume anyway.

I have to tip the proverbial hat to NGNG Sports for this screencap of DJ Steve Porter–auteur of the Randy Moss “One Clap” mashup of the volatile wideout’s press conferences. It features Porter, surely a very nice guy, in his classic home Randy Moss jersey. And an afro wig. And blackface. Yes, this was on ESPN, and yes, I laughed my ass off when I saw it.

Look, I’m not saying it’s not racist, but I’m not saying it is. I’m not one of those people pretending to be the moral guardian of all that is holy and good, but this clearly was an oversight by somebody. And one could only wonder if the monolith will be less eager to give an on-camera opportunity to the next up-and-comer in new media. Right now, someone’s head is rolling down Middle Street. Cool song, though. It’s after the jump.
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