The Florida house of current NFL analyst and former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino (not pictured) just went off the market. And thanks to the tumultuous real estate market of late, the Hall-of-Famer’s old digs were acquired for quite a bargain.

Florio J. and Glenda Abbate paid $7.2 million for the 10-bedroom, 12-bath lakefront home last month, Broward County property records show. Florio Abbate is the former president of Saxon Business Systems in Miami Lakes.

Marino, who had the home built, paid $2.15 million in 1995, records show, though that doesn’t include the cost of upgrades or additions since the purchase.

–Sun-Sentinel.

Marino and his wife were originally asking for $15.9 million [last item], but then threw in all of the furniture and a signed football before lowering the price to 13-something. Can we finally blame the mortgage crisis on Dan Marino’s autographed footballs? It’s the only way we can start healing as a nation.

Images of the home worth more than your life await you after the jump.

Forget about how Tom Brady can’t cut his hair or bring himself to have sex with average-looking women ever for just a second. I mean, that’s important, plowing the finest trim of the day, be it Bridget Moynahan or Gisele Whatzerface. The guy has so much to choose from not only with special lady friends, but with shoe deals, too. Within the span of a month, dude signed apparel deals with both Under Armour and UGG Australia, that damn company declaring war on foot fetishists everywhere. And yet nobody seems to have a problem with this.

Sure, the brands probably don’t have much of an overlap, but it still doesn’t answer how a guy can be the face of two distinct, almost opposite brands at once. Michael Jordan represents his own Nike brand, as well as Hanes among others, but Hanes doesn’t sell shoes and Nike doesn’t sell underwear, at least not the kind without that honey-combed padding, anyway. UA and UGG both produce footwear and outerwear, and Hair Boy put himself in a whole when he decided to be all things to both brands. When Brady sold his face to them, he really only sold half of it.

Consumers are making their decisions on the margin just like everyone else. What’s even more baffling is that Brady took a stake in Under Armour when he made that deal, only to marginalize it by signing on with competition. It makes no sense to me, but then again, I’m not banging Gisele. I have so much to learn…

I’ll come out and say it: I’m quite happy with my penis. I won’t be doing any porn any time soon, but it doesn’t look weird and my wife doesn’t laugh at me whenever she goes out with her friends. In fact, she usually has to hobble all bow-legged to brunch, unless I have a headache the night before. Hey, it happens. I’m not just a piece of meat, ya know.

Anyway, that was all just to set up this new line of underwear that’s supposed to make you wang look bigger. Bigger to whom is anyone’s guess, since if you’re that self-conscious about it, you’re probably not fielding many offer anyway.

“Now we have Spanx for Men that gets rid of the bulge where you don’t want it [spare tire] and enhances where you do! [referring to down below],” Blakely explained to us.

Available in briefs ($38) and boxer briefs ($48), the “breatheasy” undies are designed to enhance the south-of-the-border situation thanks to a “stretch-and-recover system” that expands when worn.

And then there’s the 3-D pouch, a, shall we say, very generously sized groin enhancer. Gird your loins, gals.Stylelist, via @on_ah

That’s right, ladies. Because we all know there’s nothing you like better than getting with a dude with push-up panties and a tiny pecker. I think if I had the choice between suicide and wearing these, I’d start looking for tall buildings with a backpack full of sleeping pills and razor blades. What can I say, I like to diversify.