Meet Sporting Kansas City’s Jimmy Nielsen. He’s lying on the ground because a soccer ball touched him. In soccer. The sport where he’s a goalkeeper. The guy who stands in front of soccer balls and lets them hit him.

Juninho of the New York Red Bulls decided for whatever reason to kick a dead ball at Nielsen. It hit Jimmy in the chest, so of course he went totally limp, collapsed to the ground and pretended it hit him in the face. Maybe stopping a soccer ball is a “nails on a chalkboard” thing, or smelling your own farts. When you’re in control of it, it’s fine. When somebody else does it, it’s the end of the world, and all you can do is lie motionless until everyone involved has been removed.

Soccer, everybody. Video is after the jump.

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The St. Louis Rams came out firing in the 1st quarter of last night’s Monday Night Football matchup with the New York Giants, and everything looked promising for the young Rams playing without their running back Steven Jackson and receiver Danny Amendola. What looked like a certain touchdown, as the Rams marched into the red zone with their no huddle offense, soon became a terrible display of amateur hour by Giants defenders Jacquian Williams and Deon Grant, who both flopped and faked injuries to stop the clock.

To be fair, Williams and Grant fell to the ground at the same time, and Williams immediately jumped back up once he realized that Grant had sold his ailment with Oscar-winning precision. Then the Giants held the Rams to just a field goal and a strange tempo was set for the rest of the game. Who says that life is fair?

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