"You're the best at being the worst!"

Doug Martin had 8 carries for 31 yards heading into halftime of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ 42-32 win over the Oakland Raiders. In the second half, the rookie out of Boise State carried the ball 17 times for 220 yards and 4 touchdowns, in what is one of the most ridiculous non-QB fantasy football performances of all-time. I bring this up not to celebrate the rookie of the year frontrunner, but to bitch about him instead. Welcome to my new Monday feature – the With Leather Fantasy Football Support Group.

Years ago, when MySpace was a thing and not a Justin Timberlake paycheck, I used to have a group for my friends in which we would ask each other advice about trades, bye week pick-ups, whose mom had the hottest cans, etc. and I always meant to bring that here, I just forgot because I’m an idiot. But that ends today, because each Monday I’m going to reach out to people who have been scorned and destroyed by the biggest fantasy football performances of the week. It starts with Doug Martin, because I traded him two weeks ago and yesterday that bro’s team tore my balls off and used them as a hackey sack.

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So the other day I was trying to clean up my home office for once in my life, and I came to the realization that I have way too many With Leather t-shirts taking up space. Last time I tried to give some away, 5 or 6 people didn’t even bother responding, so I thought that maybe nobody likes my shirts. But then I was thinking that these shirts are indeed awesome, and people should wear them. Unfortunately, I’m not giving them away for free anymore.

Instead, I want to do something good with them. I never purchased them to profit, because that’s no fun. I bought them because I thought they’d be fun giveaways and people might wear them and other people would be like, “With Leather? That sounds like an awesome website for my fetish… aw crap, it’s sports.” Now I want to sell them, though, because my friends just got back from New York City, after they were stuck there for 5 days with no power, water and very little food. Also, I just read a story about the hospital employees that carried babies down 20 stories during Hurricane Sandy and my allergies are acting up like crazy.

For $15 you can get one of the grey With Leather t-shirts that you can clearly see in the banner image. After the jump, the rest of the details.

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Here’s the deal, folks – before you get all riled up and excuse me of being a liberal blogger just looking to jump on the “Everybody make fun of Mitt Romney!” train, know that I’m a huge fan of capitalism but I also hate every single politician on this planet equally. However, that doesn’t mean this isn’t an excuse to bag on Romney, because when I saw the above image posted at The Superficial yesterday, I told my fellow Female Body Inspectors over there that I couldn’t wait to fire up the Ol’ Photoshops on it.

And then I thought, “No. That’s no fun at all.”

We’ve got a perfectly good Olympics underway with hundreds of pictures flying all over the place daily, and I also have a box full of With Leather t-shirts that need homes so I can order the new design and my C-Tates shirts. I simply cannot have clutter in my bitchin’ party house. So we’re going to play a game and I’m giving out a bunch of t-shirts.

The first game is to answer the question: “What the heck is Mitt Romney looking at?” What’s causing him to grin that evil grin at the Olympics? Also, what’s making Ann Romney so uneasy? Post your picture responses in the comments. (HINT: I saw one picture yesterday from the Olympics that will automatically win one shirt.) And then join me after the jump for the second game.

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Well, friends, here we are. As the R&B quartet Boys II Men once crooned, “It’s the end of the road, and I something something something” and for the NCAA Tournament, we have indeed reached the end of the road with tonight’s championship game between the No. 1 Kentucky Wildcats and the No. 2 Kansas Jayhawks. Of course, these are the two teams that I picked to be in this title game since the beginning of the season, but I’m not here to brag.

I’ll be back at it for one last chat-stravaganza for tonight’s game, and unlike during Saturday’s action, I will have Internet access. Serious question – do the people who run Las Vegas intentionally want people to have no cell phone coverage? It was incredible how rarely I couldn’t find a signal to even Tweet about the random douchery that I witnessed and may have even possibly participated in.

But mainly, I wanted to convey the insanity of a Vegas sports book during one of the biggest days of the sports year, and it was pretty much what I expected – a bunch of old dudes and degenerates pouting and checking their senses of humor at the door. I dare any of you to go to a sports book in Vegas tonight and make jokes about Anthony Davis’ unibrow. You’ll get a handful of grunts and a few death stares, if they’re in a good mood.

As for the actual game itself – AKA the reason we’re all here – let’s break it down…

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All four No. 1 teams remain as the Sweet 16 is ready for Thursday’s NCAA Tournament action, and I’d say that’s pretty remarkable considering how crazy these games have been. Two 2-seeds and two 3-seeds have been booted, and a few of them were heavy favorites to win it all – especially by one certain jackass, who had Missouri defeating Florida State in the National Championship game. Ha, I mean who could be that stupid? *loosens tie, looks around nervously*

But you guys, you’re the real prognosticators, as there were 8 freaking upsets on Friday and 22 commenters correctly guessed 5 of them. Well, 22 people guessed the winners and 2 people didn’t bother including scores, so *fart noise* to them. Unfortunately, the rules only permitted 5 winners. Hmmm, 5 upsets and just 5 t-shirts, I wonder if that means that the prediction with the closest score from each upset wins a t-shirt. Yes, that’s exactly what it means.

Without further ado, Friday’s big swag winners are:

NC State 79, SDSU 65: “Guest” (71-67)
Ohio 65, Michigan 60: “Starks” (64-58)
Purdue 72, St. Mary’s 69: “SenatorThimble” (74-66)
USF 58, Temple 44: “UFGrad” (60-53)
Xavier 67, ND 63: “Mighty914″ (69-65)
UPDATE: “Mattox” had Lehigh over Duke. And “Codename Duchess” also had the closer score on Xavier over ND, so you two email me addresses and shirt sizes. Apologies.

(Disclaimer: Previous shirt winners were excluded, not that it really mattered.)

Congrats, you Miss Cleos, and email me your addresses and shirt sizes to BurnsyWL@gmail.com. All you other disenfranchised and discouraged Nostradamuses, keep your chins up, because we’ll be back Thursday with another giveaway. There will be t-shirts (including the most limited edition vintage style) and possibly much, much more, pending the results of my robot that was designed to steal Kate Upton’s underwear. Oh no, why did I give it the ability to sniff?

Leave your expressions of rage, rotten produce and stories of bracket pool grief in the comments.

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