And Magic Johnson, who was awesome.

Sports

Remember When Magic Happened in the 1980 NBA Finals? - I don’t, really, because I was only a few months old. I also don’t really remember the Miracle on Ice, but I’m going to tell people I do. I remember going to see E.T. and Empire Strikes Back at around this age, though, so you see where my mental priorities lie. [Smoking Section]

The Rogers Centre Field-Stormer, or The Industry’s First Television Star - The new era of instant, viral success has made us a society of doers, not thinkers, and the “doing” always seems to be stupid. I’ve got to be famous and it has to happen RIGHT NOW, I’m going to RUN WHERE THEY TOLD ME NOT TO, YEAHHH. [SBN]

Brothers and Sisters Make Bad Roomates: the KSK Sex/Fantasy Mailbag - These are always worth a read, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I’d start up a With Leather mailbag, too, but I don’t feel like explaining how I’m not gay five times a week every week for the rest of my life. [KSK]

10 Amazing Quotes From Brittney Palmer’s Cagewriter Interview - If you missed yesterday’s Maggie Hendricks-approved analysis of a Maggie Hendricks interview with a 12-year old middle school student who also happens to be a sexy Octagon Girl, check it out. [With Leather]

The Incredibly Strange Love Affair of Kyrie Irving and @MISSHAWAII - I’m not the type to toss a “BITCHES BE CRAZY” tag on posts, but wow, bitches be crazy. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum’s “21 Jump Street” To Be Rated R, Son - Because another R-rated comedy made money so producers went GO GO GO GO. The movie also stars the adorable Valerie Tian, who has maybe the worst filmography of all time (so far it includes Drillbit Taylor, Charlie St. Cloud, The Boy Who Cried Werewolf and a direct-to-video Robert Duvall western from 2006. Holy sh**. [Film Drunk]

Lobster Dog Vs. Lobster Dog - This is just a link to more links, but you should probably see a dog dressed as a lobster preparing to battle something called a “dog” covered with real lobster. [Warming Glow]

Super Mario Gets Some Sweet Converse Sneakers - I would pay good money for these shoes if I was still 15. Make some Excitebike shoes and we’ll talk. [Gamma Squad]

10 Great Things You Might Know Troy McClure From - “Hi, I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such TV shows as ‘the good seasons of The Simpsons’.” [Fark]

Incredibly talented sports and TV personality Jenn Sterger is at the center of a NFL investigation concerning Brett Favre’s wrinkled old penis, but we all know plenty about this already, and if you don’t then you need to catch up the gross way by checking out this post at Kissing Suzy Kolber from last week. All set? Good. Sterger’s lawyer recently told reporters that they were looking for the proper result in the NFL’s investigation of Favre’s dong, and while I’m guessing that means she wants to see some financial restitution for all the pain and suffering she’s been through for having to witness old man balls, I like to think that we all got some restitution this week for the past four years when Favre was hit in the crotch with a football during practice.

Flubby over at KSK already made the proper and necessary Simpsons reference and Xmas Ape deserves an Espy for his video work (after the jump), and the fellas were even wise enough to turn this special moment into GIF form, but seeing as this feels like Christmas morning to me, I just wanted to make sure that we did our job of sharing the video footage of Favre getting hit in the nuts by a football, too.

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Do you like worthless sports memorabilia that’s vaguely tied to “The Simpsons?” Then this Don Mattingly royalty check might be for you.

This is a residual check from Don Mattingly’s appearance on The Simpsons 1992 episode, “Homer at Bat.” Donnie appeared with other Major League all stars as ringers for Mr. Burns’ softball team.

The check is made out to Don Mattingly from Fox Studios and has been endorsed by Don on the back. The signature was witnessed by Schulte Sports and comes with their tamper-proof hologram. –from Schulte Auctions. Thanks, Jack.

Bidding has reached $79, which represents a -99.2 percent ROI, which is pretty good investing if you’re a Yankees fan. If people in New York are willing to pay this much for a canceled check, maybe we should start moving the world’s financial markets someplace less maniacal. Like Mike Tyson’s house.

If you did not see this coming, then the sunrise must be a daily moment of wonderment for you.  I agree with all you non-Yankee fans out there who are tired of this annual dance, but the Blogosphere (see Deadspin or Foul Balls) is haranguing Roger for the way he announced his comeback to the Bombers.  But really this a lot like the scene in Hoosiers where Jimmy Chitwood declared his intent to play for Hickory again at the town meeting.  Just like it, except Jimmy came back for the love of the game and Roger is coming back for a dump truck full of cash ($4.5 million a month).  Jimmy said he would only play if Norman Dale remained the head coach, and Roger likes Joe Torre but loves money more (that's $1.125 million a week).  Also, Jimmy's soul was as pure as St. Francis of Assisi's, and Roger's is as black as the deepest coal shaft ($150,000 a day).  You see, almost exactly the same.  Anyway, I couldn't find any clips of Hoosiers, but The Simpsons have already shown us the way to stop the Rocket: