And now, to cleanse your palate, here are 12 links about Peyton Manning.

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Links

News Anchor Drops F-Bomb When She Hears That Peyton Manning Will Sign with Broncos - Not as funny as the eventual follow-up, “Tim Tebow drops f-bomb in church when he hears God has forsaken him”. [Brobible]

Careful What You Tebow For - When I Tebow, I like to Tebow for world peace. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Video: Tyler Honeycutt Baptizes Michael Beasley - I’m guessing this also has something to do with Tebow? [Smoking Section]

Best of Mechanical Bull Fails - I love that HuffPo thinks “not successful riding the mechanical bull until the end” is a “fail”. He slowly slid off! LOL! [HuffPost Comedy]

Everything These Drunken Dumbass Brothers Needed to Know About MMA They Learned From a Chuck Liddell Highlight - Advice: do not attempt to recreate anything you’ve ever seen in your own backyard. [Cage Potato]

Michael Bay says new TMNT will be “edgy, lovable, aliens” - Michael Bay’s only interpretation of science-fiction is “aliens”. He should remake the Twilight Zone and have ever ending just be “aliens”. [Film Drunk]

Our 30 Favorite Wondercon Cosplay Photos So Far - Every year they should retire one costume from cosplay rotation. This year it should be The Joker. Actually, that should’ve been every year for the past 20 years. [Gamma Squad]

Sofia Vergara Is the Deserved Cover Girl for the Sex Issue - At least in a still photo you can’t hear her yell “JYAYYYYYYY, JYAYYYYYYYY”. [Warming Glow]

The Best Of #Roger Sterling - “Being in blackface once, getting robbed once and emotionally harassing Joan all the time” memed onto a picture of him having a heart attack. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: A House For Lions, Youngblood Hawke And The Workaholics House Party - Or, “how I spent my Friday afternoon”. A very tight butthole gallery. In fact, the only loose butthole aspect of the day was the complete lack of Jillian. [UPROXX]

This Liquor Store Has The Best Signs - Finally, someone’s taken the concept of funny church signs and applied it to the secular world. [Buzzfeed]

Every Itchy & Scratchy From The Simpsons - 48 minutes of your time well spent, especially when it gets to the Poochie parts in the middle. [NextRound]

5 British Shows That Will Please the “Downton-Abbey” Loving Old Lady Within You - I was hoping “Oh Do Behave!” was on the list somewhere. [Pajiba]

Don’t scroll down. DON’T SCROLL DOWN. [via OTB]

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Links

Christina Hendricks And Olivia Munn Had Their Cellphones Hacked - … and while the faceless nude shots are pretty obviously not them, it’s fun to dream. AND it’s fun to find out Olivia Munn photoshops her cellphone pics with hokey sex taunts. [ONTD]

7 Ways Peyton Manning Should Spend His Last Weekend In Indianapolis - Number 8: nailing the hottest woman in Indianapolis, who I’m gonna guess is that one hostess at the Applebee’s. [Smoking Section]

6 Dumb Things Movies Do to Make Their Special Effects Less Effective - I guess I’m an old film softie, because “things being pretty” and “the camera moving” have never bothered me. Rubbery-ass Spider-Man, on the other hand … [Gamma Squad]

AMC Accidentally Reveals Major ‘Walking Dead’ Spoiler On Their Website - “Nothing’s going to happen this week” credit: AMC.com [Warming Glow]

Friday Free For All: Weird Al stars in ‘Weird Owl’ - I can’t wait until his first movie, Hoo-HF. [Film Drunk]

The Very Best Of GIFBomb Lady - This is pretty inspired, especially “What David Robinson thinks I do”. Are you still looking at that Christina Hendricks pic? [UPROXX]

Pulp Fiction Finally Gets Medieval On Our A$$es, Shakespeare Style - Pulp Fiction meets Downton Abbey in Downton Fiction! Sorry, that doesn’t exist, but it might tomrorow! [UPROXX]

20 Pampered Dogs In Baby Carriages - First comes dog love, then comes dog marriage. Then comes … well, this. [Buzzfeed]

Simpsons Christmas Cards From The Future - I wish we could go back and progressively age the Simpsons characters season by season so they wouldn’t have to turn into the thing we have now. [HuffPost Comedy]

David Hasselhoff takes the “Germans love me”-thing a bit too far - If Norm MacDonald isn’t involved, he hasn’t taken it far enough. [FARK]

Yoga for Babies is the Creepiest Exercise Video We’ve Ever Seen - YOGA IS NOT FOR BABIES. Bikram Yoga might be, though. [The FW]

A nice counterpoint to the heavy stuff I wrote about yesterday. The grunting really makes it. (via Tastefully Offensive)

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Links

FilmDrunk’s 2012 Oscars Best Picture Bracket - I’m not quite as acerbic about movies as Vince, and I love at least 6 of the Best Picture nominees this year. Not a fan of The Help, War Horse or Pay 9/11 Forward. [Film Drunk]

The Dying Art Of Rap Battles & Beefs - Well hey, at least now we’ve got a Twitter feud between a remorseless violent dancing man-child and a pro wrestler security guards wouldn’t let into the arena because they thought he was a fan! [Smoking Section]

‘Community’ Hiatus Might Have Actually Improved Its Chances at Renewal - I want so badly for these characters to graduate. Shows with a logical end need to reach their logical end! [Warming Glow]

Our 30 Favorite Pictures From This Year’s Mardi Gras Chewbacchanal -
“Here’s a thing we do where we get drunk and girls shows us their boobs. How could we make it better?” “STAR WARS.” [Gamma Squad]

In Case You Ever Wanted To See Robert Downey Jr. As A Pinup Girl - I haven’t, but uh, thanks for sharing. [UPROXX]

Man Repeatedly Pepper-Sprayed At Disneyland During Fight - Where were these guys when Ursula was trying to destroy Prince Eric’s boat? Or when Gaston was in the woods trying to stab folks? [Buzzfeed]

Rick Santorum’s Gmail Inbox Reveals The Truth About GOP Candidate (PICTURE) - The guy’s last name is “Santorum” for Christ’s sakes, don’t vote for him. Who’s his VP gonna be, Charles Mung? [HuffPost Comedy]

Off The Air: 11 Things Adult Swim Left Online - I wish somebody would accidentally leave ‘Look Around You’ season 2 on a U.S. DVD. [Adult Swim]

How They Made The Greatest Simpsons Episode Of All-Time, “Homer At The Bat” - “Last Exit To Springfield” is the greatest Simpsons episode of all-time, thank you very much. [FARK]

Bossip Exclusive: Ray J Planning To Sue Radio Station Over Spoof Fake Interview Discussing Whitney And Bobby - Any time Ray J talks, the other person should respond with OH RAY J, OH RAY J, OH BAYBEE~ until he shuts up. [Bossip]

How Do You Improve Mardi Gras? Add Will Ferrell - I like that Will Ferrell is just wandering around hanging out at stuff he likes. Beer commercials, Spanish language movies, Minor League Baseball, Mardi Gras. [The FW]

Read the rest of this entry »

I tell people that “God” by John Lennon is my favorite song, but it’s really this. Happy Presidents Day.

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Links

Alison Brie And Danny Pudi Perform ‘Everybody Dance Now’ To Close Out ‘Community’ Season 3 Filming - Between this, the faux-Santa Baby thing and Trudy Campbell’s Charleston, Alison Brie is my favorite dancer. Sorry, Jabbazwockee. [UPROXX]

Chris Brown Has A New Pickup Line Sure To Make All The Ladies Melt - I also would’ve accepted, “my dancing looks mostly stupid but people say it’s cool, so date me or I’ll literally murder you”. [UPROXX]

Chris Brown Vs. Seagulls - I can’t wait for him to start abusing animals so people can be all, “what’s the big deal why don’t you forgive him??” [Buzzfeed]

7 Attractive People Landed Pilots This Week, Let’s Rank Them by Aesthetic Value - Worst part about the new Warming Glow — whatever aesthetic makes them decide Kate Moennig is less attractive than Kumar. [Warming Glow]

5 Things Tim Schafer Needs to do To Make His Fan-Funded Adventure Game Truly Great - Thing 6 – Change the name of it to ‘Lufia and the’ something something. Thing 7 – straight up Lufia game. [Gamma Squad]

7 WTF Endorsement Deals Featuring Rappers - If you like Beats By Dre, you’ll love being beaten by Chris Brown! etc. [Smoking Section]

Frotcast 87: ‘Ask a Porn Guy’ w/Seymore Butts, Lindy West vs. Penn Jillette - Again, is Shane from Shane’s World still alive, and if so, would she consider staying in my guest room for a few months? [Film Drunk]

Bill Oakley Tweets Top 10 ‘Simpsons’ Episode Pitches That Never Made It To Air For 500th Episode - “Homer gets a job as a ____. Is worried that he and Marge may get divorced. Accidentally hurts himself!” has been the plot of every episode since like, 200. [HuffPost Comedy]

TMZ asks the question of our time. Emma Stone or Rooney Mara who would you rather? - Mara, but only if she was Dragon Tattoo’d up. Emma Stone is pretty, but too Modern Drew Barrymore Faced for my tastes. [FARK]

Hipster Cat Is the Only Dubstep DJ You’ll Ever Need - Wait, now HIPSTERS listen to dubstep? Get your broad generalizations in order, Internet. [The FW]

Capes? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Capes! The Best Superhero Movies Not Based On A Comic Book (Or Other Source Material) - I like Unbreakable so much it justified me seeing at least three terrible M. Night Shyamalan movies in a row. The Last Airbender was the last straw. See you in Hell, M. Night. [Pajiba]

Watch the Trailer for ‘Marley,’ Kevin Macdonald’s Documentary About Bob Marley - Spoiler alert: Marley dies at the end. Wait, are we talking about the same movie? [Brobible|Alison Brie And Danny Pudi Perform ‘Everybody Dance Now’ To Close Out ‘Community’ Season 3 Filming |UPROXX]

The best part is that a guy who can create exploding chemistry bombs is getting bossed around by his wife. “That’s it, you’re DONE!” I’d be like, “f**k you, eat a face of death bubbles” and just spread gun that sh*t at her. Via Buzzfeed.

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Links

Pot, Meet Kettle: Shaq Calls Dwight Howard Leaving Orlando A “Travesty” - Now he’s got to start insulting peoples’ terrible rap albums and genie movies. [Smoking Section]

20 Most Cromulent ‘Simpsons’ GIFs - I was hoping the Grandpa Simpson “walks in, sees Bart, turns right around and leaves” gif from the Maison Derrière would make the cut. [Warming Glow]

Submit your questions for our first “Ask a Porn Dude,” with Seymour Butts - Two-parter: “Can you get me Shane from Shane’s World’s phone number, and if so, how much would she like to sleep with someone who is extremely nostalgic about her?” [Film Drunk]

The 10 Definitive Nicolas Cage GIFs - It must be weird when 10% of you is a genius, and 90% of you is just AHHH THE BEES NOT THE BEES NOT THE BEES AHGGGHHHH [UPROXX]

International Trailer For The Amazing Spider-Man Shows New Action - Spider-Man battles The Shocker, can’t see him because he’s looking through yellow eyes, gets shocked, dies. [Gamma Squad]

In Case You Were Wondering, Chris Brown Is Still The Absolute Worst - If I could put one fandom on The Magic School Bus and tell Ms. Frizzle to pilot that sh*t into the sun, it would be Team Breezy. [UPROXX]

Shirtless Jeff Goldblum Pretty Much Demanded Jurassic Parks And Rec To Happen - That “I thought it was terrible wine” line still makes me laugh. Everything needs to get mashed up with Jurassic Park. [UPROXX]

Bill O’Reilly To Kate Upton: “Get Off My Lawn!” - Re-linked here to help meet our Kate Upton quota for the day. The best part is that O’Reilly thinks the dancing is what we like about her video. [With Leather]

Ten More GIFs Of Jeremy Lin, The Most Undeniably Exciting Thing In Sports Right Now - The most exciting thing about sports is that pitchers and catchers report this month, but I’ll give it to them, Lin is #2. #3 is slam dunks! [Buzzfeed]

Man Suffers Heart Attack While Eating at Heart Attack Grill - Hold on, I need to put in my monocle before I write about this story. [Popcrush]

11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Caine’s Career - “Come on, it wasn’t that funny of a movie” has to be this generation’s most damning insult. Also, Cars 2 blew so hard. [Pajiba]

Eight Giant Movie Plot Holes in Eight Images - Some of these are good (the Toy Story one in particular made me go, “ha, oh man, you’re right”) and some aren’t (Star Trek, Jurassic Park). Regardless, it’s something I’d like to see more of. [Unreality]

Nas Tells His Craziest Party Story Ever - “One time when I was chillin’, I grabbed the buddha, got my crew to buy beers, and I watched a flick … of course, I was both illin’ and rooting for the villian. Anyway … huh?” [Brobible]

Probably the saddest thing ever covered by 24 hour news. They could’ve just put up a picture of Arnold from Diff’rent Strokes and photoshopped his collar popped. The Ebonics in the title are pretty funny too. They should’ve put “ay,” before it.

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Links

Reports: Beyonce Gives Birth, Twitter Reacts - They named the baby Blue Ivy because Jay-Z is gonna buy the Chicago Cubs and move them to Kentucky! Blergh! [Smoking Section]

Axl Rose Is A Hungry Time Traveler - Axl Rose is such a microcosm of life on this planet, going from a Stephanie Seymour-f**king sociopathic rock star beloved by Beavis to being a fat guy in comedy photoshops. Such is life. [UPROXX]

Which Superhero Franchise Has Produced the Worst Video Games? A (Sort of) Scientific Study - This is pretty interesting, but I don’t buy that Spider-Man had 11 good games. The closet a Spider-Man game ever came to being good was marred forever by MY BALLOOONNNN! [Gamma Squad]

Creepy Got Milk? Ads Throughout the Years - Nothin’ creepy about Yasmine Bleeth. WEll, until later, I mean. [Warming Glow]

An Exclusive Gif from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie - So it’s come to this: exclusive gifs. Hopefully one day we’ll hype movies by getting the stars to warn you on AIM. [Film Drunk]

Sh*t Wookiees Say Is The Definitive Sh*t Said By Someone - Gonna put together a Sh*t Bodysnatches Say video where it’s just people pointing at you and screaming. [UPROXX]

54 Beautifully Offensive Desktop Wallpapers - Keep in mind, they get pretty offensive. I want to create the opposite of these, where it’s a picture of lynchings or Nguyen Ngoc Loan murdering a dude with CORGIS in big capital white letters in the background. [Buzzfeed]

7 Ridiculous Workout and Diet Commercials - Fat Jennifer Hudson is such a creep. Why are you wearing that? I know for a fact that your household has higher fashion standards than that. /coffee slurp [The FW]

Jaleel White Wants To Be On Breaking Bad - Accidentally knocks over the meth lab, asks if he did that, requests cheese, gets put in a headlock by one or more Bushwhackers. America’s white 20-somethings go apesh*t. [FARK]

‘The Simpsons’ Tries For Guinness World Record - The Simpsons should try to make a funny episode. [HuffPostTV]

Batman Gets Seuss-ified - The best part is that Joel Schumacher already made the modern day Grinch/Cat In The Hat-style Seuss Batman movie, where he’s just sarcastic the whole time and makes adult jokes. It’s called Batman & Robin. [Unreality]