Louisiana Tech’s Offensive Linemen Are Sexy (And They Know It)

Written by Brandon Stroud / 09.20.12

Louisiana Tech LMFAO Sexy And I Know It

In the funniest ‘Sexy And I Know It’-related sports news since the Miami Heat celebrated the douchiest NBA Championship win in history by rapping with LMFAO, the offensive linemen of Louisiana Tech have uploaded a video of themselves dancing and lip syncing to the pop hit/M&M’s anthem while what I’m assuming are webcam-supplied lights flash above them. It’s exactly the kind of thing you record when you find out your new computer has Photo Booth, and I’m happy they put it on the Internet.

The YouTube description:

*No copyright infringement intended.*

Important question: What was intended?

Video is after the jump. I’m pretty excited for this time next year when ‘Gangnam Style’ finally finds its way to Louisiana.

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Congratulations, Jim Thome, Don’t Get Anybody Pregnant

Written by Brandon Stroud / 08.16.11

Jim Thome 600 homeruns

Jim Thome’s back was aching, his toe was throbbing and his quad was cramping, turning his pursuit of 600 home runs into a painful endeavor that made him wonder if he would even reach the milestone before season’s end.

I’m not going to write anything like that, but I’m happy to put up something here about every good-hearted man’s favorite rosey-cheeked, corn-fed baseball player roped his 600th dinger (or tater, if you will) during Minnesota’s Monday night game at Comerica Park in Detroit. The ball sailed over former teammate Delmon Young’s head and into the stands, capping off a 20-year stomp to the milestone and seven years of Dugouts with capital letters. Jim now enters the official twilight of his career, which will mostly involve pinch-hitting and having to listen to people rationalize why he doesn’t deserve to be in the hall of fame.

Another important part of Thome’s post-600 lifestyle, apparently, will be the nonstop f**king of ladies. Bet you didn’t want that image in your wistful retrospective. According to CBS’ elder statesman (I’m assuming) C. Trent Rosecrans, NuVo condoms have sent 600 samples of their product to the Minnesota Twins to commemorate the event. Also, to reveal that nobody from NuVo condoms has ever watched baseball.

From their full release:

Jim Thome(notes) has reason to celebrate today after hitting his 600th homerun last night versus the Detroit Tigers. As a congratulatory gift for Thome’s incredible feat, NuVo sent the Minnesota Twins 600 condoms. NuVo hopes this offering to the team will help keep the Twins players and their partners safe during their celebrations. The Minnesota Twins aren’t the only people that the NüVo team is looking out for — NüVo has already distributed over 200,000 free condoms this year alone. You can always hit a home run with NuVo Condoms!

I like the idea that a condom company assumes that sports celebrations involve rampant, unprotected intercourse. Man, Yankee Stadium must look like Caligula.

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‘Serena Williams’ Wants To Rip Your Junk Off

Written by JOSH Z / 10.20.10

serena williams

Here’s a fun video from the renown Upright Citizens Brigade spoofing Serena Williams in a sex advice video. It’s funny, but come on. I could keep Serena locked in my basement for three months and there’s no way her ass would be that small. Hey, argue all you want, but this PhD in booty-ology trumps whatever you might have heard from that father of yours. Read the rest of this entry »

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Venus Williams Has Game, No Shame

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.24.10

venus

The women’s tennis world is abuzz after Venus Williams laid a hurting on Patty Schnyder in the first round of women’s action at the French Open. Venus won convincingly in back-to-back sets, topping Schnyder 6-3 in both contests. Yep, people are super excited over Williams’ tennis skills… *receives paper from Punte’s messenger hawk* Oh neat, it’s a phot-OH DEAR GOD!!!

Tennis be damned, said Williams, who arrived at Roland Garros yesterday apparently running late from a bachelorette party. Her lacey, frilly, far-too-revealing outfit is surprisingly not an indication of a new endorsement deal with Trashy Lingerie, but a testament to her new “motif” for this year, as she told reporters. That motif, Michael? It’s illusion.

Make me blind with acid, Busted Racquet:

Despite looking more like she was auditioning for a spot at a 19th century cabaret than playing in the year’s second Grand Slam event, Venus won with ease, 6-3, 6-3. She wore a similar can-can style outfit earlier this year in Miami.

Venus said the look was all about “illusion,” but didn’t state whether she’d wear it again during the tournament. Typically, she says, she comes to a match with eight to 10 outfits.

ASYLUM POLL: Is Venus Williams’ tennis apparel over the line?

The illusion she’s referring to is possibly the pair of flesh tone shorts she wore beneath her skirt, making it appear like she was airing out the curtains. The outfit in question isn’t anything new, as Venus has a history of wearing risqué outfits to her matches. Surprisingly, I hear when she makes love she wears a suit of armor and a Sherpa coat.

Venus caused a similar stir in January when she wore a skimpy green skirt and flesh tone underwear while playing in the Australian Open, prompting the Huffington Post to dub her the “ultimate Australian Open hottie.” When reached for comment, my balls added: “Yeah, we can’t believe he invoked the Huffington Post either.”

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THE WORST EXERCISE VIDEO EVER MADE

Written by Matt / 04.28.08

I don't know who Will Jones is, how old he is, or where he lives.  But I do know that being grossly overweight and making exercise videos of yourself in whitey-tighties and a skin-tight "Stud Muffin" t-shirt is no way to go through life.  I hope this kid goes to public school.  That's the only place where he'll get teased enough to lose that weight.  I mean, sure, there's also a chance that teasing will make him go on a shooting spree before committing suicide.  But that's a risk I'm willing to take.

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PAT SUMMITT ROCKS A CHEERLEADER SKIRT

Written by Matt / 02.28.07

Pat Summitt finally evened the score with Tennessee men's coach Bruce Pearl for his shirtless body-painting episode in January by donning a cheerleader uniform and firing up the crowd during last night's mudhole-stomping of Florida.

This video is everything awesome and lame about college sports. It's great because it's infused with an honest kind of rah-rah spirit that you don't see often in pro sports. On the other hand, it's a completely unnecessary besmirching of the most holy of sports institutions, the cheerleading uniform. This video, with its Dick Vitale soundtrack of "Ohhhhhs," is sure to haunt my purest cheerleader fantasies for the next fortnight. Damn Tennessee. 

Via Awful Announcing 

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