I’m sure there’s other sports stuff going on, like that one legendary basketball player who got hurt or that expensive baseball pitcher who was beat up, but I’m a simple kind of fella and I can’t help but stop and point when I see something that’s reaaaaaaaaally stupid. And nothing tickles my fancy more than when people fall for fake Onion headlines.

In this case, the Onion article in question was “Jerry Sandusky Horrified By Behavior Of Rutgers Basketball Coach” from April 3, and as you can see nobody reads anything but headlines anymore. I could try to write the most eloquent and thought-provoking piece ever written by man (key word is try, folks) and it could very well win every literary and journalistic prize in existence, but if I used a headline like “Doo doo smoothies 2-for-1 at IKEA cafeteria leads to pope’s resignation” at least 5 people would comment something like, “F*ck you, Obama!”

In conclusion, this is still the best thing ever produced by the Onion.

(H/T to Literally Unbelievable)

"Knock knock... OPINION!"

For some reason, Deadspin has targeted Stephen A. Smith for a new series of unverified stories from readers about the ESPN First Take shouter guy’s behavior in restaurants. The latest came this morning in a blurb about SAS being a bad tipper, and the theme originated the other day with a story about SAS shouting at a waiter about a bottle of ketchup. In all, it’s not the most exciting stuff, because it’s low-hanging fruit, but it’s still damn funny to watch Skip Bayless’ best friend get worked up.

If you take a look at Smith’s Twitter feed, you’ll notice that he was indeed a little worked up by the original Deadspin story, as he fired off a few Tweets about it. And then he was fired up about the horrific officiating in last night’s Monday Night Football game, as most of us were. But what’s missing in between those two cases of 140-character rage is a rant that he typed out yesterday after a serious news site posted a malicious and completely false story about him.

What followed was rather remarkable.

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Links

Rob Gronkowski and Matt Light Partied After Last Night’s Super Bowl Loss - I don’t know Gronk personally, but I assume “play football” and “party” are his only two speeds. This is how he expresses sadness. [Brobible]

M.I.A.’s Middle Finger: A Synthetic Scandal - Here’s an idea: if a “mere apology” isn’t enough to make the PTC happy, stop apologizing to the PTC. [Warming Glow]

Nicki Minaj Slowed Down = Jay-Z - The best part of the halftime show was watching Minaj bug her eyes out repeatedly and try so hard not to be the center of attention. [High Definite]

Eric Rosado Presents “Sh*t Knicks Fans Say” - I wanted to make a “Sh*t Indians Fans Say” so With Leather could get a little traffic, but “we didn’t sign anybody” and “Jason Kipnis is pretty good!” don’t make an entertaining video. [Smoking Section]

Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl Comercial Contradicting His Political Beliefs? - What about that time he shot a guy with a gun in the old west? Would he shoot someone in real life? Has he ever even lived in the old west? [Moviefone]

Extended Version Of Avengers Super Bowl Trailer Is Here, Sort Of Reveals Who’s In Loki’s Army - I hope there’s a plot point explaining why they undid all the good of Captain America’s 1940s costume and gave him that Morphsuit looking number. [Gamma Squad]

The new Spider-Man looks like a giraffe, wears track shoes - And speaking of bad super hero looks, I hope Spidey can see the Lizard through those pools of urine on his face. [Film Drunk]

The Best Of #Step Brothers - I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home. [UPROXX]

Derpy Louisiana Congressman John Fleming Thinks The Onion Publishes Real News - This is Literally Unbelievable! I hope he never sees the story about the black neighborhood terrorized by an ask murderer. [UPROXX]

18 Jaw Dropping Photos Of Europe’s Deadly Winter - Click here for 23 jaw dropping photos from Bananarama’s Cruel Summer. [Buzzfeed]

SXSW Comedy Podcast Lineup Announced - Awesome, I can finally challenge the Sklar Brothers to a duel with swords. I don’t care, I’ll take them on at the same time, I bet they don’t even know how to use swords. [HuffPost Comedy]

15 of the World’s Weirdest Marriages, ‘I Now Pronounce You… What?!’ - I said “Chuck and Larry”. What, can you not hear me? [The FW]

Why Abed and Troy from Community are the Best Geeks on TV - The Big Bang Theory is the minstrel show of this generation. We need more shows about uncool people who actually exist. [Unreality]

Links

Atlanta Falcons’ Kicker has Golf Clubs Stolen by his Chinese Food Delivery Guy - Poor kicker. The defining moment of your position’s history is Charlie Brown failing. Also, you deserve it if you let your delivery man anywhere past your front door. [Brobible]

UFC Champ on Steven Seagal: ‘I don’t know how he got my number.’ - Seagal googling Jon Jones until he finds his personal information is hilarious. Almost as funny as the 200 guys who just run at Seagal and get destroyed by him barely moving his hands. You suck, Steven Seagal. [Film Drunk]

The 15 Best Nintendo 64 Titles Of All Time - Now here’s a list I can get behind. Blast Corps or it didn’t happen. [Smoking Section]

Video: Paul Rudd & Anne Hathaway Audition for ‘Jersey Shore’ - I think Rudd and Hathaway are in a competition to see which likeable person I’m tired of the most. So far I think Paul Rudd is winning. [Warming Glow]

Twitter Masses Angered That A Fake News Organization Tweeted About A Fake Hostage Crisis - The problem isn’t believing news reported by The Onion, it’s that The Onion should be way, way funnier. “Barack Obama died in a car crash, jk it’s satire.” [UPROXX]

Community’s Doctor Who Spoof “Inspector Spacetime” Makes An Awesome Meme - Forget Inspector Spacetime, somebody turn Asian Annie into a meme. Fantasy threesome: me, Annie, Other Annie. [Gamma Squad]

Maroon 5 Feat. Christina Aguilera & Mac Miller – “Moves Like Jagger (Remix)” - Did Mick Jagger win some kind of contest where every pop singer has to mention him in a song? Is it because his name rhymes with “swagger” and people are bad at rhyming, but HAVE to use the word swagger? [Smoking Section]

10 Manliest Men in Entertainment - Way to eschew traditional gender roles, Buzzfeed! [Buzzfeed]

No One Sinks Rihanna’s Battleship and 7 Other Things Learned on the Set of ‘Battleship’ - Lesson one: Do not make a movie about Battleship. [Moviefone]

‘Parks & Recreation’: 5 Things to Know About ‘Ron and Tammys’ - Hump day. Am I right, buddy? [AOL TV]

Attack of the Show Interview with Idris Elba - Kevin Pereira, is you taking notes on a criminal f**king conspiracy? I want your jobs, Attack Of The Show. I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR JOBS. [G4TV]

Adult Swim’s Time to Waste with Harry Shearer - Also wasted time with Harry Shearer: the last 15 seasons of “The Simpsons”. [Adult Swim]

Punk Isn’t Dead PSA with Henry Rollins - Somebody needs to remake Lost In Translation with Henry Rollins and have him just sit around Tokyo yammering on about politics and sociopolitical norms and everyone around him is just constantly going ughhhhh and walking away. [The Daily What]

Judging from the commercials I saw, I was really looking forward to watching “Onion Sportsdome” yesterday after Tosh.0. The clip of Rodney Harrison not knowing he was playing football made the rounds a week or two ago, and I thought it was really solid and kept me laughing. Judging by overall reaction, however, it seems that I was in the minority when I said I enjoyed the style of humor and the show in general.
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