O.J. Simpson actually had a court ruling in his favor earlier this week. No, he’s not out of jail. He won a court case that decided the ownership of some of that memorabilia that he tried to steal a couple years ago:

In a ruling that capped more than a year of legal wrangling, Superior Court Judge Gerald Rosenberg on Tuesday gave nine souvenir footballs and a few other items to a lawyer for Simpson nemesis Fred Goldman for auction. Goldman is trying to collect on a $33.5 million civil judgment against Simpson.

But in another odd twist, the judge said Simpson must get the first $6,075 from the auction. Rosenberg said it was possible that figure would not be reached, and then Goldman would get nothing. via.

This was from a bundle of crap that Simpson was trying to steal (back?) from memorabilia dealer Bruce Fromborg. However, Fromborg was allowed to keep most of his OJ stuff that was stolen from him in that September 2007 robbery: something like 600 photographs and a few books. I’d be more interested in a certain knife and pair of black Bruno Magli shoes. Oh, no particular reason. A friend of mine’s getting married in October, and I don’t really feel like buying him a blender.

OJ Simpson might be out of jail before you know it; his case is up for review before the Nevada state supreme court, specifically to decide whether or not Simpson should be allowed to post bail during his appeal on 12 charges, including armed robbery. Lawyers for Simpson and co-defendant Clarence “C.J.” Stewart are arguing that the pair did not receive a fair trial before their October 2008 conviction:

Justice Michael Cherry didn’t say at the end of a hearing Monday how long it will take for the three-member panel to rule on whether the former football star and convicted co-defendant Clarence “C.J.” Stewart should be allowed to post bond. via.

And…that’s really all we know right now. But consider this a public service to get out of the habits of returning people’s sunglasses and dating white women. That’s really why we’re here. That and all the free buffalo wings.

I know what you’re thinking, “What’s OJ Simpson has been up to lately.” Pies? You were thinking of pies? Eh, I was close. Anyway, Simpson’s still in jail, where he’s been since he was sentenced to 15 years in prison in December for armed robbery. And it sounds like he’s really starting to fit in with the guys at Lovelock Correctional Center in Nevada, according to the National Enquirer:

According to the tabloid, Simpson has told pals, “My cellmate is nuts. He’s a killer, and he hates me. He told me that he is in prison for murder and rape, and he hates my guts because I got away with murdering my ex-wife.

“He’s told me he is going to strangle me in my sleep the first chance he gets.” via.

Sheesh. Roommates, ya know? They’re either drinking all your milk or moving your car keys around or threatening to end your life with their bare hands. You’d think they’d put the rapists together with the other rapists so they could bond over their common ground. Bond against each other’s will, anyway. Seems appropriate to me, as long as one guy isn’t using all the hot water. Thanks, flubby.

…and probably getting sodomized by someone a lot uglier than this. Not that I personally worry about that kind of thing. See, I have a conjoined twin and we’re connected four inches above my anus. If only everyone’s Hershey highway had its very own tollbooth operator. But anyway, the lesson here is that you shouldn’t drink and drive, unless you’re really, REALLY good at it.

Barkley just pled guilty to 2 counts of driving under the influence and pleaded “responsible” to running a stop sign for the December 31 incident in Scottsdale.

Barkley was sentenced to 10 days in jail — but will only do five if he completes an alcohol education program. Barkley was also fined $2,000.

Methinks going to jail in Scottsdale would be like going to a spa in Wichita, but there’s a chance that Barkley could end up in Arizona’s famous Tent City Jail, which was the greatest idea ever. Charles Barkley without air conditioning? Good luck pinning him down on laundry night.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Barkley will in fact be headed to Tent City, and will be paired up with…DMX?!
[TMZ]

O.J. Simpson was just sentenced to fifteen years in prison for his role in the botched armed robbery that was an attempt to retrieve what he claims was his own memorabilia.  The first reports I heard were 18 years, then I heard at least six years, now the headline on CNN says 15.  And you know what?  No one particularly cares.

It’s almost kind of sad to see this former NFL great, now stooped at 61 years old, sent off to prison and relegated to our apathy.  But then you realize that he kind of murdered two people by cutting their throats so viciously they were practically decapitated, and hey, maybe the last 13 years of playing golf were a gift he didn’t really deserve.

(picture is from his trial in October — he wore prison scrubs today)

The Louisiana State Penitentiary is commonly referred to as “Angola,” because hey, prison isn’t already scary enough.  And this particular clink is host to the longest-running prison rodeo in the nation (there are others?), the aptly named Angola Prison Rodeo.  From the NOLA.com blog:

Yes, that’s right, the entire rodeo takes place in the Louisiana State Penitentiary, and the inmates perform the rodeo, just for your pleasure…

The last event of the rodeo is stated to be the best event by the Penitentiary. “Gut’s [sic] and Glory” makes inexperienced inmates retrieve a poker chip from the meanest and toughest Brahma bull available.

A step in the right direction.  Now we just need to get rid of the bulls and have them kill each other for sport.

Also, the prison rodeo will be featured on an upcoming episode of Real Sports on HBO, where you’ll be treated to this groin-grabbingly good quote from an inmate:

“[The bull's] horn hooked me right up under my testicles, ripped them, and I looked down and both of my testicles were hanging in my hand. I mean, it wasn’t torn off from the body but they were just hanging in the skin. I looked at them and that’s when I felt the pain.”

That’s probably also when he wished he hadn’t robbed that liquor store.