No matter how many home runs Josh Hamilton hits or how many Austrian newspapers refer to him as an ex-junkie for doing so, the story of the 2012 baseball season thus far has and will continue to be the struggles of Albert Pujols.

Some call it a slump. Some call it penance for what he did to the St. Louis Cardinals. Some just enjoy typing their favorite slurs behind a hashtag. Regardless, the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim et al. have found themselves at the bottom of the AL West with nothing but the hope of a quick turnaround from El West Coast Hombre to save them.

Will it happen? Who knows? Today’s Dugout explores that question. It’s after e’jump.

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Or, “Dude, yer gettin’ arrested for a hate crime”.

From the Detroit Free Press:

Detroit Tigers outfielder Delmon Young was arrested and faces a hate crime-related charge in connection with a dispute outside a hotel along New York’s 6th Avenue early this morning, a New York police spokesman told the Free Press.

“Basically, there was an incident at the hotel (and) some anti-Semitic remarks,” said Det. Joseph Cavitolo, who added that alcohol was involved.

Our exclusive, three-part report on this very serious matter is after the jump.

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Chicago White Sox righty Philip Humber tossed the 21st perfect game in Major League Baseball history on Saturday, leading the Sox to a 4-0 victory over the Seattle Mariners.

His prize was a super awkward appearance on ‘Late Show with David Letterman’.

His consolation prize is having this special moment chronicled in the Opening Days series of The Dugout, so that it may be remembered and cherished for all times. The appearance on Letterman, not the perfect game.

Here’s that.

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In “piece of information included in passing that we’re contractually obligated to cover” news:

[Minnesota Twins star Justin] Morneau has been taking infield before every game, and said he also expects to be play some first base before that series in Milwaukee.

“I’ve been over there, trying to keep myself in shape, my legs in shape, and to stay sharp for whenever I get out there,” Morneau said. “It’s just a matter of time.”

Morneau entered Saturday’s game hitting .231 with a homer and two doubles, and said he’s still trying to adjust to serving as designated hitter. He said Thursday that he plans on calling former Twins DH Jim Thome for advice. (via MLB.com)

That call, presented in its entirety, is today’s edition of The Dugout: Opening Days ’12.

[h/t to Matt Dillon]

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The Washington Nationals are on top of the NL East after a hot 7-3 start, but that’s missing what’s important: Nationals Park is now offering a gross $60 dollar cheeseburger named after Stephen Strasburg. Because “burg”, get it.

Weighing eight pounds total (including toppings), the StrasBurger is a monstrous all beef burger (combination of ground brisket, chuck and short ribs). The burger is served on a large burger bun with our secret sauce, American cheese, shredded lettuce, sliced tomatoes, sliced red onions, pickle chips and served with a cone basket of fresh cut fries and a pitcher of your choice of soft drink. This signature dish is the perfect entrée to share at this affordably-priced family restaurant.

Today’s Dugout explores the whos, whats, whens, wheres and (most importantly) whys of the Strasburger. Reader discretion is advised.

Also, Pepto Bismol is advised.

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He’s not technically a Baltimore Oriole anymore, but when the O’s disassociate themselves from you you’re an Oriole until proven otherwise. From an AP report:

SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic (AP) Former major leaguer Vladimir Guerrero said he has surrendered to police after authorities contend he attacked a police officer in a disco. Guerrero denied being part of an attack.

Police said no charges have been filed against Guerrero following the mayhem in Nizao, about 40 miles from Santo Domingo.

Maximo Baez Aybar, a spokesman for the police in the Dominican Republic, maintained Guerrero “physically attacked” police officer Renato Pena Rojas after a brawl broke out in the disco. Baez Aybar asked that Guerrero turn himself in “so the case can be put in the hands of the justice system.”

Thanks to chatroom technology we can jump to the moment of the arrest and find out exactly what happened, pending my ability to remember Spanish. Today’s Opening Days Dugout (which was originally just the above picture with FLAGGERERRO written at the bottom) is after the jump.

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