Sorry ladies, but Jared Allen is off the market. The 6-foot-6 Minnesota Vikings defensive end recently married the luckiest woman on the planet (totally a hetero man crush, I promise) and the newlyweds spent some time in Italy for their honeymoon. Allen spilled the beans about his exploits to Dan Patrick and it’s as awesome as you would expect it to be. Mainly because it didn’t feature one mention of Brett Favre. Just kidding.
Allen talked about everything from his wedding song to Favre declining to attend his wedding (*cough* d*ckhead *cough*) but the best details regarded his poolside attire while lounging with his wife in the Amalfi Coast of Italy. He claims he wore his Vikings jersey, except with some modifications – basically, he made it into a cutoff. And he wore a Speedo.
Time for some manscaping, Sports Illustrated: