In the wake of the UEFA Champions League final and crazy-assed soccer fandom worldwide, a bus driver in Nigeria who also happened to be a Manchester United fan ran over four celebrating FC Barcelona fans after Barca defeated Man U 2-0. From the monolith:

The crowd in the town of Ogbo were celebrating Barcelona’s victory after Wednesday night’s match when the bus drove into them. A police spokeswoman said 10 people were injured and the driver was arrested.

“The driver had passed the crowd then made a U-turn and ran into them,” she said.

I’m really just blown away by this whole thing; it’s as weird as a couple of African-Americans in Florida getting into a fistfight over the Stanley Cup final. But I think people that are really diehard for one team have to be a frustrated lot. And I’d think bus drivers in Nigeria would have plenty on their plates to begin with. I’m sure they come home to their wives after a rough day and scream, “One of these days, Umbachukwu! Bang, zoom, to the moon!”

Three big playoff games happened last night, two of which took place on this side of the pond.

First, the Lakers took advantage of their home floor and an errant shooting attack from the Denver Nuggets to cover the spread, limey bastards win Game 5 of the Western Conference finals, 103-94. The Nuggets managed to pull even late in the second half, but bad shot selection did them in, as Denver only shot 38% from the field as a team. Carmelo Anthony shot 9-of-23 from the field to finish with 31 points; Kobe’s 22 led the Lakers, who had five players in double figures.

In hockey, the Detriot Red Wings finished off the Chicago Blackhawks to set up a rematch of last year’s Stanley Cup Final with the Penguins. Which is cool, because I totally didn’t watch the Final last year, but how will the sequel turn out? Will it be like Star Trek II? Or Weekend At Bernie’s II? I really don’t know, but it’ll be something to watch at the bar while I get drunk by myself and think about all the bad decisions I made in life.

And FC Barcalona stunned Manchester United yesterday with a 2-0 win in the Champions League final, which is like a tournament where all the best teams in Europe play each other. Amazing that they figured this out so quickly but it took them 10 years to hammer out the Euro. Read the rest of this entry »

I have no idea how this soccer business works over in Europe. I just watched Manchester United beat Hull City on Comcast Sports Net, and now, 45 minutes later, Man U is playing again, this time against FC Barcelona. I guess tonight they’ll fly across the pond and play the Mets tomorrow in a doubleheader.

I took Man U and the over (2.5) so spoil away if you want. Here’s video of the finish of last year’s UEFA Champions League final (is there a shorthand for that?), where Man U beat Chelsea on penalty kicks. Hey, they’re playing in the rain. But where are their sticks? I know nothing about soccer…

Some people are really bent out of shape about this Champions League semifinal result after Chelsea lost to FC Barcelona yesterday by the score of 1-1. Yeah, that looks like a tie score to me, too, but Chelsea were worked up about the officiating of that guy who looks like he used to work on the Jerry Springer show.

Hiddink admitted his side, who had performed with superb discipline in the goalless first leg and gone ahead in the tie through a stunning Michael Essien strike, had contributed to their own downfall by failing to take the chances they had to kill the match.

But that did not stop him from branding the performance of Norwegian official Tom Henning Ovrebo – who turned down a string of strong penalty appeals by Chelsea – as the worst he had seen in his long coaching career.

The appeals in question involved two handballs–one that was ridiculously blatant–and a takedown during a Chelsea attack in the penalty area late in the second half. The well-named Andres Iniesta tied the match in extra-time for Barcelona, which gave them the lead as goals scored on the road break ties in this kinda tournament, which reminds me of this economist joke that really isn’t funny enough for me to type out here.

|Y! News, image via Who Ate All The Pies?|

So Arsenal got smashed in its Champions League semifinal match with Manchester United last night (those names are linked up because this is America and you’re under no obligation to know anything about soccer). And apparently one of their fans took it a little too close to heart. I just spent ten minutes working on a ‘tie’ joke, which you’d think would be somewhat easy with a low-scoring sport like soccer and a fan from Africa that hung himself after his team lost. And I have nothing…except this bus ticket to Hell sitting in my lap. Eh, as long as it’s an aisle seat…

Suleiman Alphonso Omondi, a 29-year-old Kenyan living in the capital Nairobi’s Embakasi neighbourhood, hanged himself in his Arsenal shirt late Tuesday after the match, police said.

“We were watching the match at Bamba 70 pub, and when Arsenal was defeated, Suleiman just walked out in protest and he was crying,” Calvin Otieno, one of his friends, told reporters.

I can only say that I wish more Cowboys fans would start doing this. Seriously, I can appreciate that this guy didn’t just suddenly start rooting for the Red Sox after this game was over. Or whatever the English equivalent of the Red Sox would be. The Burgundy Knickers Cricket Club, perhaps? It just feels to wrong to be making such callous jokes when I haven’t even eaten lunch yet.

|IOL via Unprofessional Foul|

I haven’t read much about this new “swine flu” “epidemic,” (sorry, I have a life) but I was a bit surprised to learn that this particular slice of real life invaded the UEFA Champions League tournament when Arsenal had one of their players quarantined by his own team in fears of a swine flu outbreak. From the monolith:

Vela, 20, was told to stay away from the Gunners’ training session following a visit by some friends from Mexico, where more than 150 deaths have been blamed on the virus.

Mexico is the centre of the outbreak of the disease and Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger said: “It looked to be a massive problem because we were asked yesterday to keep him at home and not get him to the training ground.”

The AP reports that more than 60 cases of the H1N1 virus commonly referred to swine flu have been reported in the US so far. Whatever. This is like anthrax all over again, where everyone goes bananas for a few months but the casualties are barely significant. Kinda like when a 16-year-old girl gets her driver’s license or when Tony Danza puts out a new show. There’s a low supply of Tony Danza vaccine this season. Get yourself immunized early.