Real Madrid won’t have another match for two weeks, but that didn’t stop the Spanish Champions League club from opening its doors for a preview of their new acquisition, Cristiano Ronaldo, arguably the greatest soccer player in the world. Real Madrid spent $131 million US for him, and I guess couldn’t wait to show him off to a capacity crowd at…wherever it is they play [checks index card] at the Santiago Bernabeu Stadium. In Madrid. Obviously.
Obviously, there’s dick-all going on in sports today, so here’s a pretty sweet goal from Brazil, via Sporting Blog, via Maj, via everyone that had this before we did. This guy could play for your club for a bit cheaper than nine figures, I’m sure.
As the athlete’s celebratory cry for the team achievement has long been, “I’m going to Disneyland,” the new exclamation for the more provocative sportsman might be, “I’m gonna blow a load into Paris Hilton.” Such seemed to be the plan for Christiano Ronaldo, who found himself in a California club called MyHouse Wednesday night before finding himself in the hotel heiress. I wonder which line to get in was longer. Wokka wokka wokka!
The scoring machine and Paris got down and dirty as they teamed up to celebrate the soccer ace’s £80million transfer.
A clubber who witnessed their frolicking said: “They were sucking each other’s faces off like their plane was going down.
“At one point Ronaldo had a bottle between his legs and Paris was stroking it. It was very racy.” |The Sun|
TMZ is “reporting” that Paris went back to her old fling the next night, who’s some guy I never heard of.
But our spies say last night Paris begged Doug Reinhardt to take her back. She told him she loved him and had made a mistake by breaking up with him.
We’re told she was texting him all night and then showed up at his house at 4 AM this morning, banging on his door.
See? With Paris Hilton, even the door gets herpes. Um, I mean laid.
Don’t think of this a soccer story so much as it’s a triumph of capitalism in the most pinko sport in the world. Spanish soccer juggernaut Real Madrid extended a €93 million bid (almost $131 million US, or 13.1 million bags of weed) to English team Manchester United for the services of Christiano Ronaldo (not pictured), considered the best player in the world by people that care about that sort of thing.
The remarkable bid comes just days after the Spanish giants signed Brazilian Kaka from AC Milan for a then-world record sum, maginally short of £57.5m [about $94m US]. Former United manager Tommy Doherty told Sky News the deal was good news for United, but a further indication “the game’s gone mad”. |Sky News|
After purchasing the rights of two of the most sought-after players in the world [a transfer is basically a trade for cash], some people are left wondering where Real Madrid will find the money.
Xavier Sala i Martin, Exectutive at Barcelona FC does not understand how Real Madrid and Florentino Perez, who have admitted to having huge debts recently, can suddenly gain access to the huge sums of cash they are now spending.
“I do not know where the €300 million that Florentino Perez thinks he has for signings actually comes from,” Sala i Martin told radio station, RAC1. “Florentino Perez says he will recover that money by selling shirts but, in order to do that, he will have to sell 30 million shirts. That is impossible.” |via News Bizarre|
I don’t know anything about soccer (that’s the game with the really skinny swords where they all wear white, isn’t it?) but $225 million is a lot of money to just buy the rights of two players. But hey, here we are on Thursday morning talking soccer. Which means we might be totally screwed for topics once the NBA and NHL playoffs are over.
|WAG img from Uncoached|
In the wake of the UEFA Champions League final and crazy-assed soccer fandom worldwide, a bus driver in Nigeria who also happened to be a Manchester United fan ran over four celebrating FC Barcelona fans after Barca defeated Man U 2-0. From the monolith:
The crowd in the town of Ogbo were celebrating Barcelona’s victory after Wednesday night’s match when the bus drove into them. A police spokeswoman said 10 people were injured and the driver was arrested.
“The driver had passed the crowd then made a U-turn and ran into them,” she said.
I’m really just blown away by this whole thing; it’s as weird as a couple of African-Americans in Florida getting into a fistfight over the Stanley Cup final. But I think people that are really diehard for one team have to be a frustrated lot. And I’d think bus drivers in Nigeria would have plenty on their plates to begin with. I’m sure they come home to their wives after a rough day and scream, “One of these days, Umbachukwu! Bang, zoom, to the moon!”
Three big playoff games happened last night, two of which took place on this side of the pond.
First, the Lakers took advantage of their home floor and an errant shooting attack from the Denver Nuggets to cover the spread, limey bastards win Game 5 of the Western Conference finals, 103-94. The Nuggets managed to pull even late in the second half, but bad shot selection did them in, as Denver only shot 38% from the field as a team. Carmelo Anthony shot 9-of-23 from the field to finish with 31 points; Kobe’s 22 led the Lakers, who had five players in double figures.
In hockey, the Detriot Red Wings finished off the Chicago Blackhawks to set up a rematch of last year’s Stanley Cup Final with the Penguins. Which is cool, because I totally didn’t watch the Final last year, but how will the sequel turn out? Will it be like Star Trek II? Or Weekend At Bernie’s II? I really don’t know, but it’ll be something to watch at the bar while I get drunk by myself and think about all the bad decisions I made in life.
And FC Barcalona stunned Manchester United yesterday with a 2-0 win in the Champions League final, which is like a tournament where all the best teams in Europe play each other. Amazing that they figured this out so quickly but it took them 10 years to hammer out the Euro. Read the rest of this entry »
I have no idea how this soccer business works over in Europe. I just watched Manchester United beat Hull City on Comcast Sports Net, and now, 45 minutes later, Man U is playing again, this time against FC Barcelona. I guess tonight they’ll fly across the pond and play the Mets tomorrow in a doubleheader.
I took Man U and the over (2.5) so spoil away if you want. Here’s video of the finish of last year’s UEFA Champions League final (is there a shorthand for that?), where Man U beat Chelsea on penalty kicks. Hey, they’re playing in the rain. But where are their sticks? I know nothing about soccer…
