Thankfully a gent with an Etsy shop (BAMItsBernie) has made the minimalist poster craze relevant to my interests by putting together a set of World Wrestling Federation legends pieces highlighting some of the most memorable characters from fake fighting lore and their finishing holds. Some of these are just absolutely glorious, like Koko B. Ware with Frankie on his head or “Ravishing” Rick Rude’s minimalist poster requiring an outline of his entire body because he’s Rick Rude. I would’ve already bought the Andre the Giant one if it said “BUG-EYED HEADBUTT TO THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD THAT MISSES BY LIKE A FOOT AND A HALF” instead of “reverse piledriver”.
Anyway, take a look at these and drop 20 bucks on one if the muse moves you. I’m gonna befriend this guy and get him to make me a WEDGIE poster for Phantasio.
If you are anything like me, you spent a substantial chunk of your childhood parked in front of the television watching VHS tapes of people doing dunks. I mean, you did other things, too — rode your bike, chucked rocks at stuff, got grounded for cussing, etc. — but, primarily, you wore out the tape on those videocassettes while eating cereal. There were a lot of these videos released in the early-to-mid ’90s, but the gold standard was the NBA Superstars series put together by Hardwood Classics.
NBA Superstars was collection of videos that contained 3-4 minute highlight packages set to popular music from the time, typically focused on an individual player, but occasionally based on a unifying theme. The first one was released in 1990, and contained montages dedicated to Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Dominique Wilkins, Charles Barkley, Isiah Thomas, and Julius Erving, as well as one about players from years past. I love it like a child. So when I found all the clips on YouTube recently, I could not have been more excited, and I felt it was important to share them all with you. Put on your doofy sweaters and grab your synthesizers, people. We’re taking a trip in the Wayback Machine.
NOTE: Did you know there is no Wikipedia entry for the NBA Superstars series? This upsets me on a number of very deep, personal levels.
Well, intrepid commenter Ace Rimmer doubled down on the amazeballs with a music video entitled, “The Karate Rap.” Apparently this holy-sh*ttingly incredible video has already made the rounds for the past few months, but I hadn’t seen it until today, and you get the point – it’s awesome.
Created by David Seeger and his wife, Holly Whitsock Seeger, “The Karate Rap” is a reminder that the Mayan calendar should have ended in 1987.
For Normal People: Relief pitcher (and possible Super Mario Bros. villain) Tim Byrdak decided to have a little fun at New York Mets spring training camp by putting on some underwear, growing a Fu Manchu mustache and running around flexing his muscles for the Brian Wilsonic enjoyment of all. According to Byrdak-Hogan (Hodak?), he’s got a big wrestling match with Andre the Giant and he’s gonna rip off his “freakin’ face”.
But Byrdak couldn’t claim in good faith that he was just being an instructor because he enjoys having a bit of fun in the clubhouse. He dressed up like a football referee before a game last season and handed out penalties to teammates. He even started re-growing his Hulkster goatee before the season because he thought it’d look cool on photo day.
“I just want to let these younger guys know that it’s OK to have fun and that spring training doesn’t need to be so serious,” he said.
It does look like fun, but here’s to hoping he doesn’t have to field any grounders in those short-pants. You can check out video of the costume (and his excellent promo skills) below:
‘Sh*t Nobody Says’ And Providing Closure For A Played Out Meme - Closure, or an opening for someone to make a Sh*t Kate Upton Says that is nothing but here going LOL I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN TAKING PICTURES and sends it to me. [UPROXX]
Kate Upton Did Something Fun With Kids - Speaking of America’s Best Girl, here’s a picture of Kate putting her lips on a trophy. Not pictured: me collapsing and writhing around on the floor. [With Leather]
10 Television Series that Outstayed their Welcome - This is a pretty definitive list, if only for that last season of Roseanne. Scrubs outstayed its welcome the second time Zach Braff scrunched his face up and looked up and to the left to show us he’s “remembering”. [Warming Glow]
Hustle Blood: Big Boi’s 20 Best Guest Appearances - My favorite Big Boi appearance is on the Coors Light ads by the escalators in Tower City Mall you had to look at when you parked there to go to Indians games. [Smoking Section]
Stephen Colbert May Join The Race For The Republican Presidential Nomination - I’d vote for him, not because he’s funny, but because he could legitimately do a better job than most of these whack-jobs. [UPROXX]
DROP EVERYTHING! The new Bill Murray/Wes Anderson has a trailer. - YESSSSSSS. Wes Anderson is like crack to me, I don’t care if everything he does is “the same”. It isn’t, and he rules. [Film Drunk]
Repeat After Me: “I Will Not Take Tax Advice From Trina Or Any Rapper” - Once I tried to make a Sprite can disappear in my mouth. I thought she was just telling me to drink a lot of Sprite. [Smoking Section]
The Five Comics of the New 52 You Must Be Reading - The worst part of trying to make comic book jokes is that you can’t make up a fake premise like “a gritty reimagining of Crazy Quilt!” or “a five part mini-series revealing the origin of Paste Pot Pete” because somebody who writes comics has actually already done it thinking it would be funny/ironic/awesome. Somebody let me write comics, for Christ’s sakes. [Gamma Squad]
The 10 Boldest Comedians Of Our Time - Dat Phan! He does his Grandma’s voice! She’s Asian! [Buzzfeed]
12 Stars Who Got Their Start on ‘One Life to Live’ - I don’t want to fully out myself here, but All My Children or GTFO. [The FW]
Side-by-Side Comparison of Average-Sized Woman with a Supermodel Will Blow Out Your Mindhole - I appreciate this, but suggesting that any sized woman is “average sized” is pretty condescending. I’m sure the naturally skinny girl reading this feels great about being abnormal. [Pajiba]
Epic Surf Video: Biggest Teahupoo Ever, Shot On the Phantom Camera In Stunning HD - I can’t get any more sales-pitchy than that headline, so go watch this. At one point he wipes out because of a mystical tiki. [Brobible]
A Gallery of Comic-Con in 1980 - Now THIS is awesome. This is what you should be doing with your time, Internet, finding and sharing sh*t like this. [Unreality]
Back in August, Linda Hogan went on just about every hacky radio show that would listen to her about her book, “Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes”, and eventually that took her to Matty P’s Happy Hour, which is a show that has featured such celebrities as Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite and that swastika-tattooed girl that Jesse James slept with. A “caller” asked Linda if it was true that her ex-husband, Hulk Hogan, and Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake had a homosexual relationship, and she was totally surprised that someone asked her about something she wrote about in her book that she was promoting. So of course she said yes, while trying to be coy about it so she didn’t “end up getting a lawsuit.”
As reported earlier, the wrestling icon, 58, filed court papers last week accusing his ex, 52, of defamation, after she accused him of brutal physical abuse and cheating on her with a male wrestler.
Clarified Hogan about Linda’s charge that he had a sexual relationship with fellow wrestler Brutus Beefcake: “If any of that was true, I would admit it, and I was a homosexual I would embrace it. It’s just so crazy to hear, so I have a real problem with it….If you’re going to say I’m something that I’m not to try to ruin my career and my livelihood….I have to answer her back.”
It is being reported that Brutus (real name: Edward Leslie) is also suing Linda for defamation, and I’m quite eager to see the judge’s response to a man who spent the 80s dressed as a flamboyant, shirtless barber in a bowtie, with the last name Beefcake. But damn straight, pun mildly intended, that’ll show the woman who just took 70% of everything Hogan had. Now he can get some of that money back and spend the rest of his life trying to get this picture off the Internet…