Ekpe Udoh of the Milwaukee Bucks had one mission: meet beloved American actress/hacky commercial spokesperson Betty White. The only problem? He didn’t know how to do it.

It’s a good question, and who could blame him? Betty White is not only awesome in her own right, she’s the last remaining ‘Golden Girl.’ Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty are all dead. It’s a reasonable goal, especially if you’ve got enough travel time and fame as an NBA player to make it come together.

As you can see by the photo at top of the post, Udoh made his dream come true with an LA-area visit to the set of ‘Hot In Cleveland.’ It was a long road, though. Here’s a quick look back at Udoh’s quest from Betty White inception to Betty White execution, courtesy of Twitter, and a little help from our friends at Ball Don’t Lie:

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Okay, that headline is technically a lie. The Oregon Duck — the best mascot in college sports, based solely on the fact that he parodied ‘Gangnam Style’ only days after it blew up, instead of waiting 6 months like everybody else — is aping the museum scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to promote THE DUCK KNOWS ART?, an Oregon football art contest.

If you got to spend an afternoon in an art museum with ersatz Donald Duck, how would you spend it? If you answered “by watching him destroy art and almost make out with 2013′s equivalent to Mia Sara,” you’ll love this. Video is below.

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Ladies and gentlemen, the man I want to be when I grow up.

The man in the picture is Uncle Rico Alan Kahn, AKA the author of The Speed Bag Bible, AKA The Last Dragon? He’s so good at punching a speed bag that he can use it as a drum, punching along to some of his favorite songs, assuming they include lyrics about how cool it is that he’s drumming a speed bag.

If you read that and thought, “lol, what,” here’s his explanation:

I like Punch Drumming to songs that relate to the words, “Rhythm” and “Beat” etc. In this clip I’m punch drumming to a song called “Rhythm Of The Night” by DeBarge. It’s a medium speed song with a funky dance beat that fits well with a 9×6 bag.

Who am I to doubt Alan Kahn? If he says DeBarge is appropriate for 9×6 bags, I’m going with it. Here’s the video. If it inspires you to go kick somebody’s ass to ‘Who’s Johnny?’ don’t worry, you’re not alone.

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WWE’s Royal Rumble 2013 goes down on January 27, and I think I speak for everyone when I say the best part of a Royal Rumble match is when they herd a wrestler in front of a green screen and tell him to explain off the top of his head why he’s gonna win. Very few things make a wrestling fan feel like a kid again like Hulk Hogan pointing with an open palm and yelling about vitamins in front of a horrible yellow background reading HULK HOGAN.

To prepare for the Rumble, I’ll be putting up a retro Best And Worst report (or two), but step one is the celebration of these promo montages. When the mid-90s hit they went the way of the dodo, but I’ve put together a gallery of some of the best from 89-96. If you only watch one thing, watch the video where swank 1995 Pamela Anderson gets weird voicemail messages from Doink the Clown about how he’s gonna nail her when he wins the Royal Rumble. Hell, even if you don’t like wrestling, watch that one.

Enjoy. If I missed one of your favorites, be sure to post it in our comments section below.

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If you’re a regular reader of our Sports On TV column, it’d be possible to mistake me as a guy with great taste in television. I like to throw the “best show ever” tag around for ‘The Wire’ or season 2-8 of ‘The Simpsons’, giving me that learned balance necessary to be a true, objective authority on what people should watch.

Yeah, no. When I was 7, my favorite show was ‘ALF’. If you’re not familiar with ‘ALF’, it’s about an alien who lands on Earth in puppet form, lives in the laundry room of a suburban family and cracks wise with them so much you start wondering why they don’t just throw him in a garbage bag and drop him off on the front steps of the FBI. Oh, and he wouldn’t stop trying to eat their housecat.

Anyway, ALF’s home planet was a place called Melmac, and Melmac had its share of unique sports, including ‘Bouillaball’. I’ll let the surprisingly-in-existence ALF Wiki fill you in on the details.

Bouillabaseball was a sport played on Melmac which resembled baseball, but instead of throwing a ball, fish parts were thrown.

Bouillabaseball fans often collected trading cards, which were sold in a package with a stick of gum. The gum came in one of two flavors: Tabby or Persian.

At the height of ALF’s popularity, Topps put out two (two!) sets of bouillabaseball cards. I HAD THEM ALL. Now, thanks to the Internet (and the aforementioned ALF Wiki), you can have them, too. They’re a mix of the Garbage Pail Kids and stock photos of ALF. I don’t know. Here’s a gallery of every bouillabaseball card I could find, and I urge you to flip through and try to find every inappropriate joke or image you can. I’m pretty sure at least one of these players is supposed to be ejaculating.

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We cover pro wrestling a little more than we should these days, because it turns out a lot of people want to read about fake fighting on legitimate comedy sports blogs and because more of us watched it when we were kids than we’d like to admit. Some of us still do, and have blogging jobs instead of working in an office somewhere and having the respect of anyone.

I’ve been looking for a way to follow-up on the WWF Legends Minimalist Poster Gallery from earlier this month, and pro wrestling personality/friend of the site Kyle Durden gave me a great idea … what’s more WWF and minimalist than actual pro wrestling promo 8x10s? Nothing, it turns out, especially if you find the ones from the late 1980s/early 1990s, after wrestling had been popular but before it got popular again. That’s a gold mine.

So here’s a look into the WWF promo photos gold mine. A preview of what you’ll find inside: Dusty Rhodes as a laughing garbage man, Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake going from normal human being to crazy-eyed monster in four years and the Bushwhackers playing in somebody’s raked leaves. By the end of the gallery you may no longer be able to stand. That’s normal.

Let me know which ones are your favorites in the comments section below.

[all photos via ImageEvent]

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