… or, “seven minutes in Texas”.

By way of my Facebook friendship with With Leather legend Josh Zerkle comes the story of a Texas family’s attempts to jump a small ramp on bikes that I can say without hyperbole is worth every second of its 6-minute, 58-seconds run-time.

Listing off the funniest parts of the video is like trying to explain the plot of Duck Soup. Hot Rod Lincoln and the Keystone Cowboy. Keystone Cowboy wearing a “reggalah oh oven mitt” because he couldn’t find his other glove. The fact that it’s “Daredevils take two“. “Aw lawd Hot Rod Lincoln”. Hot Rod lying on the ground hurt for like a minute and a half while his Mom taunts him, only to making lurid jacking-off motions to her. The dog who threatens to take a sh*t in the middle of the proceedings. Keystone Cowboy’s aborted backflip. Hot Rod only being able to communicate via WWE hand gestures. “Mawma LOOK Mawma LOOK Mawma LOOK”. “Speedy” being quiet the entire video and riding his bike over the ramp like it was nothing. At some point I expected Chico to wander onscreen in a Texas Longhorns shirt to make it even more absurd.

I probably live down the street from these guys.

[h/t to Chloe Alexander Reuland]

“I heard his mom screaming, looked back and blood was squirting out of his forehead,” said Mets second-basemen Justin Turner. “I felt sick to my stomach.”

That comment puts into perspective this video of a young boy getting his face rearranged by a Greg Dobbs line-drive. The shot happened top of the ninth inning of Monday’s game between the Mets and the Florida Marlins, and while most fan and ball interactions in the stands are funny (the Astros fan side-stepping a pop fly to let it hit his girlfriend) or facepalm-worthy (Steve Bartman, any whimpering little kids), this one is just unsettling. Thankfully we never get a clear look at the shot or the squirting blood, but what we can see is enough.

The boy got a bat as a souvenir, but chances are he’ll be carrying this frozen rope to the head with him for the rest of his life. Eventually we’re going to have to play baseball games in aquariums to keep people from getting hit, tripping down flights of stairs or falling to their death.

[h/t Ted Williams Head, by way of Jimmy Traina]

There are few certainties in life, among them are death, taxes, fat girls give good BJs and football players don’t ever learn valuable lessons. Ben Roethlisberger famously face-planted during a leisurely ride on his motorcycle, and in June, University of South Alabama football player Anthony Ray Mostella was killed in a motorcycle accident. There have been plenty of other situations involving athletes and motorcycle crashes and it just doesn’t seem to catch on. So it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that University of Iowa offensive lineman Josh Koeppel was out cruising on his manly chariot when he was hit by a pickup truck. Koeppel, though, wasn’t riding on a Hog or popping wheelies on a crotch rocket. He was riding on a scooter. Ouch, right?

Koeppel is generally in good condition after his accident, thankfully, as he was treated at the university’s clinic for scrapes and bruises. The second string lineman will miss the team’s opener against Eastern Illinois on Saturday, which is pretty lucky considering how bad the accident looks at first. Video after the jump, but I wonder what Iowa’s coach Kirk Ferentz thinks about the accident.

Ride the scooter through a loop with a clown on your back, swallow the bike and honk a horn, Huffington Post:

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