"HE HAD A BUG ON HIS SHOULDER!"

For the Green Bay Packers, the Thanksgiving against the Detroit Lions was business as usual. The Packers won 27-15 and remain undefeated, while the Lions now have to worry about the fate of Ndamukong Suh, who entered the game as the overwhelming players’ consensus as the dirtiest player in the NFL. With the game still well within reach for his team, Suh found himself tangled up with Packers offensive lineman Evan Dietrich-Smith, leading to a Thanksgiving tribute to Albert Haynesworth.

Suh, as video highlights will prove until another player does something even more stupid to top it, shoved Dietrich-Smith’s helmet into the ground as he stood up and then, for good measure, stomped his shoulder. Of course, us Friday Morning Quarterbacks have the easy job of watching video to determine what happened. We’re not down in the thick of it to experience what really happened. Take Suh’s version, for instance.

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With Leather will be updating sporadically tomorrow, but chances are we’ll be spending most of my second least-favorite holiday* with our families. And yes, by family I mean my girlfriend and my housecat.

To get you in the mood for American Thanksgiving, please enjoy this story of 105-pound competitive eater Sonya “Black Widow” Thomas, owner of 24 world eating records, eating almost an entire Thanksgiving turkey with her bare hands at the Wild Turkey 81 Eating World Championship on Tuesday. That’s 5.25 pounds of turkey in ten minutes, putting her ahead of luminaries like Eric “Badlands” Booker and “Crazy Legs” Conti and a cool $1,581 prize. She also won a championship belt and that bronze turkey in the picture. It has a removable cleaver.

A quote from the NY Daily News puts the event and the “Black Widow’s” strategy into perspective.

“It’s a mind game,” she said. “If you lose your focus and say you’re getting full and slow down, you lose.”

Nobody used utensils in the frenzied feast. [Badlands] Booker picked his entire bird up with one hand and violently gnawed, a fleck of meat stuck to his cheek.

“I just ripped the bird apart and ate the innards,” he said of his strategy. “I think I ate the wishbone by accident.”

You can watch a video of highlights from the event below, and it’s got a 50/50 chance of being awesome looking or disgusting.

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Gross song lyric, Chad.

Links

Nickelback Feels Your Hate And Is Desperately Trying To Win You Over, Internet - “Not making any more music” and “giving me lots of money” are the only two ways I’m going to back Nickelback. [UPROXX]

Grantland Network Podcast: The Masked Man on WWE Survivor Series - David Shoemaker gets a big leagues wrestling podcast, and I’m lucky enough to appear on the first ever episode. Does this mean I’m friends with Bill Simmons by proxy? [Grantland]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 11/21 - Hey, go read this and comment on it if you haven’t already. It was good this week. Also, that picture of AJ = holy crap. [With Leather]

The NBA Lockout Is Hurting Prostitution - A joke about LeBron James going to the Miami Heat. Also, less a horrible statement about black people and more a horrible statement about rich people. [Smoking Section]

Errol Morris’s JFK Assassination Short: The Umbrella Man - Gates of Heaven is one of my very favorite movies of all time, so I’ll watch anything Errol Morris does, even if it’s about the goddamn Kennedy assassination again. [Film Drunk]

Want Some Amazing Spider-Man Set Photos? - Sure. Are these the ones where Bryce Dallas Howard is suddenly Gwen Stacy again? [Gamma Squad]

Gordon Ramsay’s Sex Advice - Sex advice from the only person in the world I’d like to have sex with less than Guy Fieri. [Warming Glow]

15 Songs You Always Knew, But Never Knew The Names Of - This is a really fun list, but some are too easy. Like I’m not going to know something that was from 2001 AND was Ric Flair’s entrance theme. Also, “Powerhouse” by Raymond Scott (aka “cartoon assembly line music”) needs to be on the list. [Buzzfeed]

And Now, Some Thanksgiving Stuff

The Shocking Truth About Thanksgiving - Like a Dave Barry column written by the Internet. [Adult Swim]

8 Wacky Presidential Turkey Pardon Moments - If I were President, all I’d do is pardon turkeys. We’d go to war and I couldn’t participate because I’m busy printing out all this bullsh*t paperwork about holiday joshing. [The FW]

What Is The Greatest Thanksgiving Movie Of All Time? - My kneejerk response was “Planes, Trains and Automobiles?” and thank God I was right. Great holiday movies should also be great every-other-day movies. [FARK]

Top 10 Reasons Why Thanksgiving Eve Is the Best Bar Night of the Year - I’m sad I didn’t completely Tucker Max my life and get into bar culture, I feel like I’m missing out on a whole avenue of writer sadness. [BroBible]

Thanksgiving Food Pyramid - My personal Thanksgiving food pyramid goes “canned cranberry sauce, Tofurky roast, that one brand of vegan macaroni and cheese that doesn’t taste like somebody barfed on a plastic tray”. [High Definite]

Crap, this isn’t what they’re talking about, is it.

Links

It’s Official: Netflix Is Bringing Back ‘Arrested Development’ For Another Season - Now if they can do this with ‘Community’ and ‘Firefly’, and somehow convince the cast of ‘Freaks and Geeks’ to go back in time to when they were younger and be good again. [UPROXX]

Happy Birthday To Us: A Gallery of Birthday Animals - I hate being a new editor, I don’t know when any of our holidays are. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to work on Thanksgiving. I’m vegan, so I’m stuck working, right? [Gamma Squad]

Just What ‘The Matrix’ Needed: Mambo No. 5 - Don’t know why this exists, but I love it. The trompets. The TROMpets. [Film Drunk]

ESPN’s Lee Corso Says The F-Word, The World Laughs - New professional goal: get on ESPN once, use the phrase “you f**kers”. [Smoking Section]

This Explains So Much - The next time it’s 11:15 on a Saturday night and an SNL writer doesn’t have an idea, fire him and replace him with someone who is funny and can produce without ruining everything. [Warming Glow]

6 Photos Of Cats Who Look Like Drake - I love this, if only for the possibility of the hashtag “I hurt myself: Meow”. [Buzzfeed]

9 Towns with Tasty Thanksgiving Names - Like when you’re a kid and think the country of “Turkey” is funny, but longer. [The FW]

Lil Wayne Returns to Hometown to Hand Out Thanksgiving Turkeys - They should really keep filming him doing stuff like this and try to witness a Christmas Miracle. [Popcrush]

30 Inexplicably Damning Reviews For Awesome Movies - Movie reviews are the worst. I like to review a movie by watching it with someone, then turning to them and saying “so what’d you think”, then talking about what we thought. [FARK]

Kermit on Jason Segel’s Nude Scene: He Had ‘Shortcomings’ - Not really interested in Kermit the Frog looking at dicks, guys. [Moviefone]

The 5 Best #SAVECOMMUNITY Campaign Posters Made To Avert The Darkest Timeline - You know what would’ve worked even better? More good season 3 episodes of ‘Community’. |Pajiba|

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Best DVD Commentary Ever - I love you, Arnold, and I don’t care what a weird creep you are in real life. [High Definite]

Links

Meet Sherman Klump, The Pissed Off Philadelphia Eagles Fan - And speaking of Eddie Murphy losing his dignity, listen to his overweight gent yell “motherf**ker” about the Eagles non-stop for several minutes. [Smoking Section]

UFC Sues New York For Breach Of First Amendment Rights - Sometimes I don’t think people know there’s more than one amendment to reference. I want to drive my car into someone biking on the side of the road and then sue them for impeding my first amendment rights. [Cage Potato]

Fair To Flair - I’m linking you to their podcast tag, because I appear on the next one that goes up. I spent an hour and a half last night yammering on about the Black Scorpion, it was great. You’ll want to hear it. [Fair To Flair]

Warming Glow’s Guide to Celebrity Impersonators You Can Hire on the Internet - Check this out, then compare and contrast it to Progressive Boink’s version from 2005. I think “celebrity impersonator” might rank below “crack whore” on society’s list of sad people. [Warming Glow]

The Movie Dad Hall of Shame - I love that Daddy Day Care is listed as the moment when Eddie Murphy lost his dignity. Not the transvestite hooker thing, Daddy Day Care. [UPROXX]

LA’s “Occupy Twilight” Line As Depressing As You Think - Enghhh. Why not “occupy” the book store long enough to find something good to read? [Gamma Squad]

Expendables 2 Is Scaring Off All Of Bulgaria’s Endangered Bats - Who cares what we’re doing to the world, Dolph Lundgren needs a paycheck. [Film Drunk]

Gosling Was Robbed! - baby goose nooooo [Buzzfeed]

10 Turkey-Flavored Foods That Look Absolutely Disgusting - One turkey-flavored food that doesn’t look disgusting is the bad ass Tofurky vegetarian roast sitting in my freezer right now. Next Thursday is going to rule so hard. [The FW]

‘Community’: Show Your Support and Goatee Yourself! - If you put it on your inner leg you can show support for ‘Whitney’! [AOL TV]

Eight Old-Timey Insults that Need to Make a Comeback - Old timey talk in general needs to make a comeback. I want to be normal, reasonable human Jimmy Stewart, living in a Jimmy Stewart movie where everyone else is doing the NOW YOU LISTEN HERE, SEE thing. [The Smoking Jacket]

The 13 Crappiest Movies of Mickey Rourke’s Career - I don’t think I’ve ever agreed with Pajiba. We should hold an opinion-off. That Bond kid movie looks wretched, sure, but Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man? Dissing Bob Dylan? Get bent. [Pajiba]

So some people at ReserveYourNight asked me if I would spend some time before Thanksgiving writing about things that I’m thankful for. I reminded them that I’m actually a cruel, insensitive person, and devoid of gratitude for pretty much everything. Then they said that if I did it, I would get a bottle of wine, and that really opened up my eyes to the many wonders of life. Free hooch will do that. Read the rest of this entry »