Anyway, if you’re one of the 700,000,000,000 who’ve descended upon my grand home town of Austin, Texas, for SXSW, I have two points of business for you:

1. Pick up your trash. I mean, seriously, Jesus, what were you, raised on a barn? We aren’t Philadelphia.

2. Any chance you’d like a pair of complimentary tickets to the world premiere of Summer League, the softball kickball film featuring With Leather editor-in-chief Brandon Stroud in not one, but TWO roles, just for being a With Leather reader?

Here’s your chance, friend. The film premieres on Monday, March 18, at the Alamo Drafthouse Slaughter Lane (5701 W. Slaughter Lane), red carpet and all, and the showing is completely sold out. However, I wear a duck mascot costume for a portion of the film and therefore have hella pull and can snag you a pair of tickets.

Here’s all you have to do … shoot the film’s director, Lex Lybrand, a message on Twitter. Tell him that you’re a fan of @WithLeather and you want to see his flick. There are only two tickets to be had, so he’ll do a random drawing based on whoever’s messaged him on … let’s say, Friday, and let you know if you’re the winner. Then boom, you’re at the red carpet premiere high-fiving a dude you know from a sports blog, watching a great little movie made by some passionate locals.

Oh, and if you haven’t seen me in my duck costume, hold on to your butts:

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I don’t like to brag, friends, but I have never been kicked in the head. I’ve been punched and slapped, but never has someone’s foot made contact with my face as an act of aggression or competition, and as long as I’m alive I plan to keep it that way. However, because this is America, some people choose to let feet hit their faces and I am fine with that, because I don’t judge. Especially when that foot-to-face contact makes me shout, “HOLY SH*T YOUR FACE, BRO!”

This week’s edition of “Meet the Foot” is brought to us by the South Texas Fighting Championship’s Bad Blood MMA event that took place last Friday in McAllen, Texas. The match in question was between Vaughn Govia and Miguel “Mikey” Saenz in a contest of lightweights that lasted roughly 5 seconds, as Govia simply knocked Saenz the f*ck out with a vicious kick. Video after the jump, but if you work for Steve Hickey, make sure you look over your shoulder so you’re not fired for watching child pornography.

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As I mentioned last week, the Air Sex National Championships went down in Austin, TX, on Friday night. If you’ve never seen Air Sex, it’s a (for lack of a better term) head-to-head competition where performers execute no-holds-barred imaginary f**k-sessions on stage for the enjoyment of an audience of folks trying not to throw up. Brooklyn Decker was there in the crowd, apparently. I was on stage as a judge, because (1) I’ve been lucky enough to judge a few of these during its most recent touring schedule, and (2) I am not even ABOUT to pretend-hump something in front of Brooklyn Decker.

I put together a gallery of the show’s best and most iconic images (with the help of my good buddy Lex Lybrand of Wear The Cheese), and here’s a quick guide to what you’ll see as you flip through it:

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Some vaginas more pantomimed than others.

As regulars at With Leather may know, I became a recurring judge during season 4 of the Air Sex World Championships, making three appearances at the judges table to help decide which person did the best job at pretending to have sex. If you’re not a regular, it’s like air guitar, but with penises.

Anyway, the last time I attended an event I got to pal around with ‘Tim & Eric’ star David Liebe Hart, so I was obviously like, “this is the best the fake sex game gets.” But NO, tonight in Austin at The ND is the season 4 Air Sex finale, featuring the top performers from shows across the country coming together to … uh, come together, and entertain me, and to a lesser extent, you.

The culmination of a year of touring the country comes down to this. Who will win the coveted title of Air Sex National Champion?

We’ve got great performers from:
New Orleans, LA
New York City
Los Angeles
Washington DC
Austin, TX
Houston, TX
San Francisco

Hosted by comedian @ChrisTrew. Also featuring “foreplay” a special pre-Air Sex standup comedy showcase. Season 5 kicks off in May!

You can pick up tickets here, and if you’re anywhere near Texas tonight, you should. If you read With Leather and attend the event (and I don’t already know you), let me know and I will high five you with one of the least gross hands in the building.

If you aren’t in Texas, follow @airsex on Twitter today, and prepare for the weirdest gallery ever at With Leather on Monday.

Whoa, has anybody seen this? The Texas Tech Red Raiders put together a fun “parody”-style video of an obscure Korean pop song called ‘Gangnam Style.’ This is so weird! Heh! Good job being on the ball with this, Texas Tech, I can’t wait to see how many schools follow your lead! (via Outside The Box Score)

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Links

Each Season Of ‘Breaking Bad’ Opening Credits Redone In The Style Of ‘The Wire’ |UPROXX|

Watch Bill Hader And Fred Armisen Lose Their Sh*t In Hilarious Unaired ‘SNL’ Sketch |Warming Glow|

Truth, Justice, Beards: Man of Steel has a new trailer |Film Drunk|

Marisa Miller Wants To Remind Us That She’s Still Pregnant And Naked |With Leather|

Nic Cage Is Every Hobbit Character, And We Couldn’t Be Happier About It |Gamma Squad|

10 DMX Songs Everyone Should Know |Smoking Section|

Gruden Talk: Jon Discusses the Israel-Palestine Conflict with Salman Rushdie |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Real Talk: I’ve been getting really tired of all of these stupid “online petitions” to the White House for Barack Obama to do this or that in regard to something incredibly meaningless, like forcing Jerry Jones to sell the Dallas Cowboys or “pardoning” the Ohio State Buckeyes for Jim Tressel’s cheating ways or saving dying kids in Kapoopystan. Well I’m sorry to be the jerk, people, but God intended for people to get sick and the Buckeyes to be punished. However, if an online petition would work in making it so that Caddyshack 2 never existed, then I’d allow for this lame trend to continue. Thanks, I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Speaking of ridiculous trick golf clubs – segue of the year? – Texas club pro Michael Furrh, whose name is so much fun to say out loud, recently broke the world record for the longest golf club. The standing record had been set by Karsten Maas in 2009 with a 13’5’’ driver, but Furrh topped that with 14-feet even. So why would he do that? Who the hell knows, but he was able to drive a ball 146 yards with his PVC pipe with a club head, and that makes me feel like absolute crap with my horrible slice and lack of focus.

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