Photo credit: Everywhere On The Internet

If you missed this yesterday, it’s a photo of Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny “Football” Manziel sporting a suspicious-looking Texas Longhorns tattoo on his ribcage. Your first thought is, “this can’t be, Johnny Football would never get the Longhorns logo tattooed on his body!” Your second thought should probably be, “well, I don’t know, it IS Johnny Football, and it’s not like the rest of his tattoos are high art.” If you told me “Johnny Manziel has a butterfly with a tiger’s face in the wings tattooed on the back of his neck” I’d probably believe you.

Anyway, Johnny wrote an impassioned explanation of the situation in the editorial section of yesterday’s New Yorker, professing his love for the Aggies and promising his fans that he’ll never … wait, sorry, I got my notes mixed up. He did this:

Of course, Twitter has two ends (the asshole and the other asshole), so the conversation didn’t end there. Some fans (“fans”) started being Twitter People to Johnny about the photo, and because John Football is the type to register for online classes to avoid going to college with other college students, he handled it delicately.

Here are a few of his interactions with the world of Trollgaze:

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Lost in all the excitement of yesterday’s Thanksgiving NFL action that featured an overtime caused by a clusterf*ck and the New England Patriots reinforcing their pro-bullying agenda was the day’s lone college action between the No. 18 Texas Longhorns and the TCU Horned Frogs. TCU, of course, has been having a rather lackluster debut season in the Big 12, with a lousy 3-4 conference record heading into the game. But St. Thanksgiving and the turkey angels must have been looking down on the Frogs from their Mayflower in Valhalla – my grades always sucked in school – because TCU defeated Texas 20-13 to move to 7-4 overall on the season.

Anyway, I won’t bore you with any game details, because all you need to know is in that picture above. Is there anything more fun than when a team’s fans dress in costumes and then their team loses? I’m sure the answer to that is yes – Kate Upton topless, free filet mignons, topless Kate Upton serving free filet mignons, among others – but for the sake of right now, I just want to enjoy this.

But don’t worry, Texas fans. I also have a happy picture for you.

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As if it isn’t already hard enough being a college student, trying desperately to fit in among tens of thousands of peers while coping with the pressures of studying, self-esteem and just general survival away from our parents, it doesn’t help when Michael Fassbender shows up strutting his big ol’ dong around campus. But that’s apparently what happened on Saturday, as the gentleman we lovingly refer to as Michael F. Assbender at FilmDrunk and, much more importantly, Natalie Portman showed up at Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium to film part of their “Untitled Terrence Malick Project”.

So what’s this sucker about that it was so worth causing a stir during the incredible 56-50 slugfest victory that the Texas Longhorns pulled out over the Baylor Bears?

Two intersecting love triangles. Obsession and betrayal set against the music scene in Austin, Texas.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *snores, farts, wakes up* Sounds awesome. But if you are a male Texas student who was threatened by Fassbender’s presence the gravitational pull of his Longhorn, just know that it could have been much worse. Ryan Gosling’s in this film, too. And I don’t think that UT has a flood evacuation plan.

Video and some fan shots after the jump. Oh, and maybe practice a little harder on defense this week, Baylor. Yeesh.

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Here are two sports-related stories that will hopefully make you feel a little better about humanity today.

First, that young lady in the banner pic is Nefeterius McPherson and upon first glance she may seem a little insane for wearing a West Virginia shirt at the Darrell K Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium, but she’s actually – cue the dramatic chipmunk – a Texas Longhorns fan. So what’s the deal, babe? Why would you insult your own team by wearing the opposing team’s shirt to a home game?

Because she’s awesome, that’s why. In 2005, McPherson was diagnosed with a rare liver disease and doctors told her that she would eventually need a transplant. Finally, she got the call that a match was found, and her new liver was coming from a 12-year old West Virginia girl who died from a brain hemorrhage… damn it, my sexy French maid forgot to dust again.

While she was relieved to have a match, McPherson said she struggled with knowing her organ donor was so young.

“How could I be happy about the transplant when I knew a family across town was mourning the loss of their child, their baby?” McPherson told the Charleston Gazette. “I really struggled with that. I still do sometimes. It’s bittersweet.” (Via the HuffPo)

And that’s where the WVU shirt and McPherson’s general awesomeness come into play.

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What you’re looking at (courtesy of Jason Kirk at SBN by way of TexasAgs.com) may be one of the greater moments of trolling in college football history. Texas A&M is the only non-Big 12 major program in Texas, so they want everyone to know that Texas is now SEC COUNTRY … including Austin Texas, home of the University of Texas Longhorns. That billboard sits on the north side of I-35, just before you get to Tinseltown (which non-Texas bloggers hilariously think is a city, and not a crappy movie theater).

Now, I’m far from a native Texan and my love of local college football comes almost exclusively from ‘King Of The Hill’, but this monstrosity is and will continue to be upsetting to a pretty sizeable chunk of my Facebook wall and therefore must be stopped.

A couple of quick realities for anyone seriously upset by this:

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Previous ‘Sports On TV’ columns (for ‘Saved By The Bell’ and ‘Full House’) have been fun to write but a pain to suffer through for research, because seriously, have you tried watching an 8th season episode of ‘Full House’ in 2012? Those columns sorta celebrate the badness of sports on TV, and how they get shoehorned in when people run out of love triangles and job jokes don’t have anything to write about.

So it’s with great pride that I present the third ‘Sports On TV’ effort, celebrating the 25 best sports moments from one of the best and most under-appreciated animated comedies ever made, FOX’s ‘King Of The Hill’. If you haven’t seen it before or just flip past it when you’re looking for ‘Squidbillies’ episodes on Adult Swim, the show’s entire 13-season run is available on Netflix streaming and is one of the best ways to spend 130-ish hours. What made the sports on ‘King Of The Hill’ great is that they aren’t accessories to the action … they’re focal points, important or not, just like in real life.

I’m lucky to have some great guest columnists this week, so I hope you enjoy the list. And yeah, there are at least 40 other moments we could’ve included here, so consider this part 1 of an eventual 50 Greatest Sports Moments Of ‘King Of The Hill’. We’ll loop back around when I realize Golden Girls didn’t have 20 sports moments on it.

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