Of Course Johnny Manziel Homered At Petco Park, Bros

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.17.13

Texas A&M quarterback and eventual Buffalo Bill Johnny Manziel found a winning formula with trainer George Whitfield last year, as the 20-year old became the first freshman to ever win the Heisman Trophy. Between his own success and that of his new best bro AJ McCarron, who led Alabama to another BCS Championship, there’s not a pair of camouflage cargo shorts in the country that isn’t filled with wonder as to whether Manziel can lead the Aggies all the way this year.

Well, courtside seats and night club VIP sections be damned, because Manziel and Whitfield are hard at work on an encore, as they’ve been battling the waves in Southern California this week as part of his intense workouts. Of course, it can’t be all work and no play, because that makes Johnny Football a dull boy. So the young slinger stopped by yesterday’s Padres-Nationals game at Petco Park, where he was able to meet fellow A&M alum and Nats manager Davey Johnson before taking in some batting practice.

Manziel homered, naturally, because he’s a f*cking winner, bro.

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Johnny Football Is Not Exactly Johnny Baseball

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.08.13

Behold, the glorious first pitch of Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel.

“Every person kept saying, ‘Don’t bounce it, don’t bounce it,’” Manziel said, according to USA Today. “I was wild, a little nervous.”

Maybe he could look into being Johnny Basketball? I just want the guy to have another sports last name. I want to call him Johnny Two-Sports. And then I want to get Dick Tracy to arrest him.

The USA Today article goes on to helpfully explain how Johnny actually played a little high school baseball, and wore Derek Jeter’s number 2 because of course he did.

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Johnny Football Loves The Texas Longhorns, Hates Everybody On Twitter

Written by Brandon Stroud / 03.13.13

Johnny Football Longhorns tattoo

Photo credit: Everywhere On The Internet

If you missed this yesterday, it’s a photo of Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny “Football” Manziel sporting a suspicious-looking Texas Longhorns tattoo on his ribcage. Your first thought is, “this can’t be, Johnny Football would never get the Longhorns logo tattooed on his body!” Your second thought should probably be, “well, I don’t know, it IS Johnny Football, and it’s not like the rest of his tattoos are high art.” If you told me “Johnny Manziel has a butterfly with a tiger’s face in the wings tattooed on the back of his neck” I’d probably believe you.

Anyway, Johnny wrote an impassioned explanation of the situation in the editorial section of yesterday’s New Yorker, professing his love for the Aggies and promising his fans that he’ll never … wait, sorry, I got my notes mixed up. He did this:

Of course, Twitter has two ends (the asshole and the other asshole), so the conversation didn’t end there. Some fans (“fans”) started being Twitter People to Johnny about the photo, and because John Football is the type to register for online classes to avoid going to college with other college students, he handled it delicately.

Here are a few of his interactions with the world of Trollgaze:

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Johnny Manziel Has Finally Been Sealed In His Own Fortress Of Solitude

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.21.13

Because people love to act outraged at everything, TMZ thought it was so shocking and incredible that Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel was photographed partying after he led the Aggies to a victory in the Cotton Bowl to cap their remarkable 11-2 season. Then people began raising eyebrows and calling shenanigans when Manziel was spotted courtside at several NBA games, and of course we’ve all been well aware that Johnny Football is dating aspiring model and perfectly-named WWE Diva heel Sarah Savage.

Well, all of that attention has now made it impossible for Manziel to focus on the one thing he actually attends Texas A&M for – making the school millions of dollars for winning games attending class.

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Johnny Football Is Now Johnny Trickshot

Written by Brandon Stroud / 01.25.13

Dude Perfect teamed up with Johnny “Football” Manziel for a trick shot video. Say what you will about trick shot videos, but skeet shooting with footballs is pretty g.d. cool. (via Bloguin)

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Links

JOHNNY FOOTBALL trick shotsPod Pods Pod: The Boy Meets World Podcast Episode 3 (Ed. note: featuring me) |Trough Network|

Is ‘SNL’s History With Rap As Bad As Everyone Assumes? |UPROXX|

Amy Poehler Wants Bill Murray To Play Pawnee’s Mayor On ‘Parks & Rec’ |Warming Glow|

JJ Abrams to direct Star Wars VII |Film Drunk|

White Folk Falling: The Best Of Segway Fails |With Leather|

This Church In France Is Crawling With Sci-Fi Gargoyles |Gamma Squad|

100-Word Review: Toro Y Moi’s “Anything In Return” |Smoking Section|

A Company Is Selling Temporary Kaepernick Tattoos |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Breaking: Wildly Popular College Athlete Wins The Big Game, Parties At A Club

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.07.13

Well friends, pack up the hero worship and get the Heisman committee on the phone, because we have a big, old controversy for this year’s Heisman Trophy winner, Johnny Manziel, already. Manziel, of course, turned in a great season with the Texas A&M Aggies, as he passed for 3,706 yards and 26 touchdowns, while rushing for 1,410 yards and another 21 TDs, all of which was good enough to make him the first freshman to ever win college football’s top individual prize.

To make the season even better for the Aggies, Manziel carried them to an 11th win in the Cotton Bowl, as he torched Oklahoma for four TDs, including two in the air and two on the ground. In a year that really lacked college football superstars – mostly thanks to injuries – Manziel was truly the most exciting guy to watch. But none of that matters now because people are upset that he’s a big ol’ boozehound. Allegedly.

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