Back in 2010, five Ohio State Buckeyes football players were exposed for their roles in a horrifying murder-for-hire operation that included then-standout quarterback Terrelle Pryor, who was wanted by both the FBI and Interpol for his role in hundreds of global leader assassinations as far back as the 1830s. Wait, no. Sorry. I meant that five Ohio State players exchanged autographs for tattoos, cash and rental cars, among other things. And the whole world looked on in shock and terror, because never could we believe that people would take advantage of teenage athletes by dangling money in front of their faces.

Ultimately, the scandal revealed that as many as 28 players were involved and it led to former coach Jim Tressel’s resignation after it was revealed that he was well aware of his players’ side deals, and he had also been using ineligible players in 2010. Tressel was found to have violated an NCAA bylaw and he was accused of lying to the NCAA when he was questioned about these improper benefits. But with credit to THE university’s leadership, OSU officials did show some balls for forcing the Jim to “retire” and voluntarily forfeiting all wins from the 2010 season. Too bad the NCAA ain’t care, and the Buckeyes were slapped with a postseason ban for this season.

A funny thing happens, though, when a team is 11-0 with no prospect of playing in the Big 10 championship game or even the BCS Championship Game – fans get super pissed off. So much so that they create crazy petitions demanding that President Barack Obama “pardon” their football team.

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… but then she cried and they found out her fantasy league was full of made-up players without faces, so they’re probably just going to let her play.

Jim Tressel, however, is not so lucky. In a good and fair move (in response to a move that seemed pretty shifty), the Indianapolis Colts have decided to suspend the employment of their new gameday consultant and former Ohio State head coach for the first six games of the season, giving him more or less the same treatment ex-OSU quarterback Terrelle Pryor got when the league suspended him for five. The move was reportedly Tressel’s own, decided upon after meeting with the team.

A statement from Colts president Bill Polian included the following, so decide how phony you think everyone is as you go:

“After the announcement of Coach Jim Tressel’s agreement to join the Colts as a game day consultant, questions were raised with respect to the equity of his appointment as opposed to suspensions being served this season by present and former Ohio State players.

“Over the weekend Coach Tressel, Mr. Irsay, Coach Caldwell and I had a discussion of the issue. In addition, we had a conversation with league officials to apprise them of the details of Coach Tressel’s employment and the issues we were reviewing.

“At Coach Tressel’s suggestion, and with Mr. Irsay’s concurrence and support, we have decided to begin Coach Tressel’s employment effective with our seventh regular season game. We have informed the league office of our decision and expect that they will be supportive of it.

“We are very happy Coach Tressel will be joining us.”

I’m still not 100-percent on the whole “getting suspended by the NFL for NCAA violations” thing, and as Yahoo commenter soxfannh astutely put it before deciding to use the word “retarded”, it’s like “being sent home from a job at Burger King because you dropped a few hamburger buns on the floor while you worked at McDonald’s”. Tressel making the noble choice to sit as punishment for crimes they wouldn’t have hired him in the NFL over if anyone actually cared about them seems like a really empty gesture, and only works as appropriate when you consider the logic gaps it fills in and the class difference it helps balance. You either have to care about the violations or not care about them. Don’t hire him if he did a bunch of bad stuff, or hire him in spite of the bad stuff because it doesn’t matter. One or the other.

Besides, does anyone really think Tressel is going to wake up on the morning after game six and feel like he’s finally paid back his debt to society? Is he going to go straight, only to be drawn back in for one big score when an Indy car dealership decides to cut him a deal because they like the Colts?

[h/t everyone around to write about sports on Labor Day]

"Here you go, kid. Nice haircut."

Each week during the NFL season, I’ll be slinging my random, sometimes nonsensical thoughts about what’s going down. Will I talk about your team’s crazy dealings? Probably not, because I have an east coast liberal media elitist bias. That’s right, only Ivy League flag football will be discussed here.

And speaking of flag football…

1) Terrelle Pryor’s New Number

While quarterback for THE Embattled Ohio State University, Terrelle Pryor wore the number 2 on his jersey. When the Oakland Raiders drafted Oryor in last week’s supplemental draft and when he finally agreed to terms with them and showed up to practice, Pryor asked his new team if he could wear the No. 2 again.

About that – nobody is ever wearing No. 2 for Oakland again. Because JaMarcus Russell was the biggest No. 2 of them all.

Raiders coach Hue Jackson dictated what jersey Tyrelle Pryor will wear with the Raiders. He wore No. 2 at Ohio State, but will wear No. 6 with the Raiders. Last Raiders quarterback to wear No. 2 was mega-draft bust JaMarcus Russell. It’s conceivable Jackson wanted to avoid linkage between Pryor and Russell. (Bayou Buzz)

This might be a first. I can’t think of any other teams that have ever unofficially retired a number because a player was so terrible that they think it’s cursed. This could only be better if they forced rookies to spend the night in Russell’s foreclosed mansion. “It’s haunted by the spirits of lost calories,” they’ll warn.

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Welcome to Week 2 of my new weekly Random NFL Thoughts installment. Feel free to join in the conversation in the comments, even if to tell me how completely wrong I am.

If you have the pleasure of following Indianapolis Colts GM Jim Irsay on Twitter, then you know two things – 1) He’s a huge music fan, and 2) He’s possibly a lunatic. Irsay has a tendency of Tweeting random song lyrics in a way that the average person – and especially the average Twitter user – might not catch on to very well, if they even get him at all. In the case of the latter, he comes across as a complete psychopath.

But in between those lyrical Tweets, he openly talks about Colts football with fans, and since the lockout ended, the only topic regarding Indy football has been Peyton Manning’s neck. By all accounts, the guy who just signed a contract that guarantees him close to $100 million over the rest of his career will not be ready for Week 1. Manning hasn’t seen a snap in the preseason, but that should’t really be a problem for one of the game’s elite QBs if he’s actually going to start the season opener. He can just kick off the rust and run with it. Either way, Irsay wants to f*ck with us.

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It looks like Terrelle Pryor is going to be making that face for while. He’s finally been allowed into the NFL … but not really.

From a breaking report currently destroying Twitter, by way of the Associated Press:

Former Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor was declared eligible for Monday’s NFL supplemental draft but must sit out the first five games after he signs a contract.

The NFL announced Thursday he was eligible, along with five other players. Pryor gave up his final season with the Buckeyes following an NCAA investigation into the football team’s memorabilia-for-cash scandal. He would’ve had to sit out five games at Ohio State if he had chosen to return to school.

The league informed clubs that Pryor “made decisions that undermine the integrity of the eligibility rules for the NFL draft.” Among those, the league said, was his failure to cooperate with the NCAA and hiring of an agent in violation of NCAA rules.

Is it weird to anybody else that the NFL can suspend somebody who doesn’t play in the NFL?

“God bless and thanks for support!” Pryor wrote on his Twitter page. “Time to have a little fun!!” At no point does Pryor point out that Brandon Marshall was only suspended for one game on a domestic violence charge, but he’s got to sit five because he sold and traded things. He doesn’t mention how deep the various college football scandals are starting to run, and that if everyone who got a perk or a wad of cash or a free gift when they were supposed to be a pro bono athlete had to sit five games we’d see more action in a lockout.

He doesn’t mention how great of an idea it would be for the Cleveland Cavaliers to draft him and forever sign him away from a sports organization that would punish him for not being punished enough in college.

While the NFL Lockout continues, players are still forced to look elsewhere for around-the-clock attention, so it was no surprise that Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder returned to his South Florida radio show the other day. Once a week, Crowder and his guests offer their opinions and insight into the day’s hot topic NFL and Dolphins issues, and this week’s big subject was Terrelle Pryor’s admission of selling autographs and jerseys to Ohio businessmen. Crowder said that he supports Pryor because he “hypothetically” gets where he’s coming from.

“I’ll say hypothetically I don’t have any more of my Florida jerseys,” Crowder said Sunday. “There were some Jacksonville businessmen that really hypothetically liked my play.”

(CBS Sports)

And hypothetically speaking, it’s funny when Crowder talks about his college days, because he was hypothetically very promising and he hypothetically shot himself in his hypothetical ass when he blamed Mel Kiper’s first round projection as the reason he spent too much money before the Dolphins even chose him in the third round. Hypothetically, his one career interception, 2.5 sacks and 3 fumbles suck. It’s too bad those Jacksonville businessmen weren’t working for the Jaguars, amiright fellow Dolphins fans?

Look, I’m not going to be the eleventy-billionth sports-words-typing-guy to shake my ham fist in rage that a college athlete is trying to profit off of his own skills and services. Nothing is going to change until college players learn how to strike, but then that would affect their educations and we can’t have that. I just find it so ironic that a guy like Crowder could command a high price for his college jerseys and autographs when I can pick up his Dolphins jersey at Marshalls.