If the film White Men Can’t Jump taught me anything, it’s that you should never take a Puerto Rican woman on Jeopardy! for granted and people in California take their street basketball very seriously. In fact, if you’re ever hanging around anyone from the Venice Streetball League, no matter what they look like, you probably shouldn’t accept a challenge to play one-on-one, because you will lose.

At least, that’s the lesson that unemployed wide receiver Terrell Owens learned recently, when he was hanging out in a gym and confronted by Venice legend Mani Love, who stands just 4’5”. Love was looking for a little one-on-one action with the man whose most notable recent news includes begging the New York Jets for a job via Twitter and living life according to a Maury Povich script.

As for the challenge, it went down a little like this…

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Tired of missing out on our free fantasy football games? Need money to take care of any random children you’ve had in the last year? Here’s your chance!

In case you missed last week’s announcement, With Leather is teaming up with FanDuel.com to bring you a one night, totally free fantasy football competition that could win you cold hard cash from a $1000 pool. It goes down on Sunday, September 9 (and Monday night, the 10th, to get in the Monday Night Football game) and … that’s it. You sign up for free, play a little and win tons of money. We don’t spam you, we don’t take you to court for alimony, nothing.

Here’s how it works:

There’s no real restrictions on signing up, so head over to FanDuel and do that as soon as you can. Just don’t draft anyone from the early week game, because they aren’t eligible. Oh, and don’t draft anyone who seems like a character from USA’s ‘Necessary Roughness’, real or fictional. Drafting Tebow is also probably a terrible idea.

See you on September 9!

It’s become rather evident that the only reason that Terrell Owens is still desperately trying to find work as a receiver in the NFL is because he’s broke. And much to the surprise of nobody except probably Owens, the Seattle Seahawks kicked the tires on the 38-year old and found nothing but holes in his hands. That obviously sucks for Owens, because if he made the Seahawks roster, he would have made $1 million this season. Now? Not so much.

Even while Owens Tweets that he won’t lose faith and will keep trying, there are people who are truly upset about his failure. Four women, to be exact, and they are the mothers of his children. ACCORDING — to … TMZ, as Owens fights to have his child support reduced because of that whole not having money thing, one of those women simply does not care.

In the docs, Smith’s reasoning was largely based on the fact that T.O. had recently inked a deal with the Seattle Seahawks, for close to a $1,000,000 … and could afford to continue shelling out for his kid.

Now Smith’s attorney — Randall Kessler — tells TMZ … T.O.’s career snag won’t affect his client’s request to keep the dough coming — at least for now. Instead she has her “fingers crossed that another team picks him up.”

Paige can cross every finger and toe on her body while a leprechaun shoves bags of shamrocks up her butt, and she’d probably have a better chance of getting signed by an NFL team at this point than Owens would. Hold on, let me check something really quick…

Yes, Jeff Ireland still has a job. So I guess Paige still has a hope.

Ochocinco and Terrell Owens got together at some point during the winter, shotgunned a marathon of ‘Necessary Roughness’ and decided they could get their shit together and have a Diva Wide Receiver Renaissance. T.O. showed up in Seattle to run the 40 in 4.45 and earn himself a one year, $1 million contract. Ochocinco showed up in Miami, legally changed his name back to Chad Johnson (because serious business) and focused on the finer points of his game, using the experience he’s earned from a decade in pro football to …

Wait, I’m sorry, what?

According to [Davie police captain Dale] Engle, Johnson and his wife, Evelyn Lozada, were driving to their home in Davie after dinner Saturday night when Lozada found a receipt for a box of condoms in the car, sparking an argument that got “heated.”

When they arrived at their home, the argument “escalated quite a bit,” Engle said, and Johnson and Lozada butted heads, giving Lozada a laceration on her forehead. Lozada told police that Johnson purposely head-butted her, while Johnson told police it was accidental. (via Palm Beach Post)

welp,

This is one of those situations where blogger analysis is useless, because Jesus, I’ve never found myself “accidentally headbutting” someone so hard it opens them up in an argument over condom receipts. Johnson was released from jail on $2,500 bond and Miami terminated his contract within the day.

You’d think the rest of the Dolphins would just throw up their hands, say “okay, fine, whatever” and move on with their lives, but we live in a world where everyone has an opinion, so someone’s inevitably got to have the “who cares if he rage-headbutted a lady, we’ve got football to play” one. Dolphins linebacker Karlos Dansby, everybody:

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12th Man, meet the most desperate man.

Well, it was bound to happen.

That’s Dave “Softy” Mahler of Sportsradio 950 AM in Seattle reporting what my brother, a huge Seattle Seahawks fan, told me in a frantic text last night, that unemployed human disaster Terrell Owens is heading to Seattle for a tryout or workout or cup of coffee. I’m not sure, the Tweet is pretty vague.

Thankfully, sports writer, attorney, and guy who doesn’t know sh*t about MMA, Mike Florio, was able to confirm that Owens is indeed trying out for the Seahawks. Apparently the Seahawks cut Antonio Bryant, and that left them with Sidney Rice, Golden Tate, Doug Baldwin, Braylon Edwards, Deon Butler, Ben Obamanu, and 6 other wide receivers, not including tight ends Zach Miller and Kellen Winslow, and that’s clearly not enough receiver depth.

Damn it, Seattle. We were so close to a world without T.O.

"Why won't you listen to me?"

Terrell Owens claims he isn’t broke, but by all accounts he’s pretty close to it. He’s desperate to catch on with an NFL team, but there apparently isn’t a roster spot in any league on the planet for him. Owens was previously trying to showcase his aging skills with the Allen Wranglers of the Indoor Football League, and he did so to mixed results. But now the Wranglers are apparently done with the human headache after he no-showed a charity event at a children’s hospital.

Owens has been released and the team bought out his 50% ownership stake… for a whopping $50. Yikes. But don’t worry, he’s going to handle this properly.

Owens has retained lawyers and is considering suing the Wranglers for breach of contract, according to the report.

Owens claims his contract stated that he didn’t have to play in road games unless certain financial conditions were met. He said his missed appearance at a children’s hospital was the fault of the Wranglers’ publicist.

“Mr. Owens’ legal team is addressing the details of the Wranglers release statement,” an Owens representative told TMZ. “(Owens) played all games according to his contractual agreement and was proud to be part of the IFL and the Allen Wranglers.” (Via the Morning Call)

To make matters more embarrassing for Owens, the team is taking back the Jeep it gave him, as well as evicting him from the home it was renting for him. All this of course comes on the heels of his painfully awkward interview on Dr. Phil. Let’s go to the tape for a reminder…

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