Yesterday I wrote a little about sexy Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke, and how we’d helped make her life miserable by exposing her to the creepy nooks of sexy and parody on the Internet. That got me thinking a lot about Kate Upton, a woman who purposefully used the Internet to wedge herself into those nooks, and how she’d been cyclically berated and celebrated by the Internet all year. Then I thought a little more about her, and I had to lie down.

The go-to spot online for bizarre online worship (assuming you don’t want a Chan page popping up in your browser history) is DeviantArt.com, a place where people of varying artistic ability upload their work, mention how they put no effort into it and showed it to you for no reason, then obsessively beg you for praise. So, uh … it’s like a blog, but in crappy sketch form.

Anyway, with Kate’s rise to prominence in 2012 via Sports Illustrated and Cat Daddying comes an increase presence on DeviantArt, so I’ve put together a collection of my favorite pieces. Inside: Kate being beaten up by Street Fighter characters, a little tentacle porn and a Nightmare On Elm Street crossover.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

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With the recent announcement that Apple would be developing a 7-inch version of the iPad, I couldn’t help but wonder two things:1) Isn’t that just an iPhone? And B) What’s going to happen to all of the current 10-inch iPads currently selling like hot cakes? Well, it turns out the answers are simple: yes and fat people phones. The governing body of Japan’s sumo association will issue iPads to the wrestlers to use as phones because their fingers are too large to use standard cellular phones. Cellular phone? More like CELLULITE phone! *bowtie spins, kimono blows open*

Turns out the pleasingly plump grapplers have been missing important information about matches because some of their “stables” don’t have readily available Internet, fax or telephone access. This is Japan we’re talking about, right? Thankfully the iPad can also keep a steady flow of tentacle porn downloads, too.

You have dishonored my family and country, Globe and Mail:

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