Étienne Brodeur of the Chicoutimi Saguenéens is either a random group of meaningless letters or a Quebec Major Junior Hockey League who is not afraid to celebrate his playoff game-winning goal against the Saint John Sea Dogs with a 1980s breakdancing centerpiece.

The moment (informally known as “the worm on ice”) comes to us from our friends at Buzzing The Net, and while he’s not technically doing The Worm — it’s more of a dive, bounce and flop situation than a purposeful worming — it brings to mind some of the other great Worm-centric moments in sports, ALL OF WHICH YOU WILL SEE RIGHT NOW.

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There is apparently crying in tennis. And lawsuits.

As the war against the “Pussification of America” rages on, it’s comforting to see that other countries are also dealing with their share of coddling parents and frivolous lawsuits. Take Australia, for instance, as the home of koalas and Paul Hogan is also now the home of one young girl with a bruised eye, after she was hit in the face with a tennis ball during her tennis lessons at her private school in Queensland.

And as if that sentence didn’t already tell you where this is going, the parents of the wounded girl are of course suing the hell out of everyone.

The claim alleges Julia had hit classmate Finley Enright-Burns in the eye with a tennis ball during a tennis lesson at the Mudgeeraba school last October. It alleges Julia was “smashing” balls back to Finley on the baseline when the incident happened.

Finley did not go to hospital but is alleged to have suffered an eye injury which needed medical treatment.

The claim, filed on behalf of Finley by her architect father Paul Burns, also names Somerset College and its Jay Deacon’s Tennis School as defendants.

“It’s bizarre … beyond belief,” Dr Wright-Smith told The Courier-Mail yesterday. (Via The Courier-Mail, H/T to Fark)

My initial response to this story was: “Screw these people, I hope the judge throws the case out and shouts, ‘I’m sorry your kid sucks at tennis!;” But that’s never going to happen, because lawyers will find a way to drag this thing out and milk the school for every penny, while the girl with the eye that will heal mumbles to herself, “I f*cking hate tennis, why did you even make me play it?” which sucks for the kids at her school who actually like playing tennis, because now the school will have to pay more insurance and eliminate tennis as a result.

Soon enough, kids won’t even be able to play Trivial Pursuit in school, because they could get a paper cut from those dangerous cards. Eventually, your kid’s school is just going to look like this…

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On July 14, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic are going to play a charity exhibition match at Real Madrid’s Santiago Bernabeau Stadium, as they’ll attempt to break the all-time record for attendance at a tennis match while raising money for the Real Madrid and Rafael Nadal Foundations. The current record was set in 2010 when more than 35,000 people watched Kim Clijsters beat Serena Williams in Brussels.

That’s awesome news because both foundations work to assist disabled children and these two rivals – if you call Djokovic owning a 7-match winning streak against Nadal a rivalry – are sure to put more than 40,000 butts in the seats for a good cause. And hopefully at some point, a fan says that Nadal looks like a capybara so I can make a better segue than this.

Self-described “person with some interests” Laurie Ainley recently launched the new Tumblr, Capybaras That Look Like Rafael Nadal, that indeed points out that the two-time Wimbledon champ looks a little bit like a capybara, or the largest rodent in the world. Is this just a little mean? Maybe, but I’ve long contended that capybaras are adorable, so we’re treating it as an honor.

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"Oh, am I attractive? I hadn't noticed."

Back in January, I offered my brilliant wisdom and relationship insight to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady as his 31-year old wife, Gisele Bundchen, is believed to be on track to become the world’s first billionaire supermodel thanks to her new underwear line. But hot on her heels is 26-year old supermodel Bar Refaeli, who has also launched her new underwear line, under.me, which is a totally super fantastic name.

Refaeli and Co. have released their first commercial for her simple cotton underwear line, and I’m already in line to buy 600 pairs. Seriously, I’m camped outside of my local mall right now even though it’s already open, mainly because they won’t let me back in until I agree to wear pants. Let it be known that Bar Refaeli playing tennis in her underwear is a fantastic way to sell anything.

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There are a lot of sports in the world, ranging from those that require top-shelf physical skill (marathon running, pro football against the New Orleans Saints) to sports you can sorta perform involuntarily (curling, the luge).

Apparently the “wide wide world of sports” isn’t wide enough for some people, as natives of the Malay-Thai Peninsula have combined soccer, tennis, volleyball and I’m pretty sure hacky sack to perfect the sport of sepak takraw. I’m sure some of you have seen it before and will be all, “way to be cultured, Brandon, snoot snoot”, but no, I’ve never seen this before and it feels like they should be wearing wooden helmets and performing in the background of The Lion King. I think the best part of the video is that it takes place on FASHION ISLAND.

From the Wikipedia entry for sepak takraw:

Similar games include footbag net, footvolley, football tennis, bossaball, jianzi and sipa. These similar games all involve keepie uppies.

Yeah, that clears it up. Thanks, Wikipedia. I would’ve called the keepie uppies “chazzwazzers”.

[h/t Fark Sports]

The cast for season 14 of ABC’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’ was unveiled this morning, and to answer the questions you may be having so far:

1. Celebrities and tangentially-related people from the world of sports are once again participating, following in the footsteps of former winners like Emmitt Smith, Hines Ward and Shawn Johnson, as well as former hilariously awful losers like Evander Holyfield, Kenny Mayne and Ron Artest.

2. No, I can’t believe ‘Dancing With The Stars’ has 14 seasons, either. It started in 2005, so you’d think it’d have what, maybe seven? But reality shows have seasons corresponding to literal seasons so we’re up to 14, and ‘Survivor’ is about to start season 470.

This year’s sports folk include:

Donald Driver - Green Bay Packers wide receiver and the football player whose name sounds the most like a wrestling finish. I’m calling at least one instance of him running and jumping into the crowd at the end of a dance.

Martina Navratilova - Tennis great and four-time Wimbledon champion. Unfortunately she’s probably gonna get the “WAIT A MINUTE, GAY PEOPLE EXIST? SHIELD THE EYES OF MY CHILDREN BLERGHHH” Chaz Bono dancing celebrity thing.

Maria Menounos - Super hot TV anchor and ‘Extra’ correspondent who consistently reps the New England Patriots and recently gained an increasing fame for losing a bet and being forced to wear a New York Giants bikini with no Giants logos on it that was also Patriots colors, but nobody noticed because holy sh*t her torso.

A brief recap of the remaining cast (including STEVE URKEL~) is after the jump.

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