Far be it for any of us to pretend to be high and mighty drunks, so when people are caught on camera incoherent and stumbling around a sports venue, I like to think of it more as a celebration of free spirits than a criticism of too many spirits. For instance, we first have a Green Bay Packers fan who experiences some problem with his equilibrium while he presumably searches Bing for tips on how to stand up straight.

This sort-of-upstanding young Cheesehead was tailgating for the Packers’ home opener against the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, but instead of just a boring old story about guy + beer = retard, I like to imagine it a little differently. You see, Gary Ferbman was a promising amateur ice fisher when, during tournament preparation, he fell into another fisherman’s hole as part of a diabolical trap. For four years, Gary was frozen in ice until he was finally discovered and thawed on Saturday. When his friends asked him what he wanted to do first, he said, “I want to go watch the Packers and my favorite QB Brett Favre.”

And the rest is Schlitz binge drinking history. Video after the jump, plus bonus college debauchery.

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I’m not sure, but I think the folks over at UT are kinda mad at Lane Kiffin.  Not only did they riot and start fires in the streets, but now they’re rapping about it.  It’s cathartic, or something.  Some of my favorite lines brought to us by the stylings of Brabo Gator are:

“You made a bunch of promises/and then you left us/you screwed us so hard that your wife got jealous

“You didn’t screw us privately/You screwed us in the open/You screwed us so dirty I just hope you wore a Trojan

“You suck/plus your dad about a hundred years old”

I’m just going to go ahead and throw this out there…maybe the Kiffins shouldn’t ever go back to Tennessee ever.  Like, EVER.  Or it sounds like they’ll beat your ass.  Just sayin’.

–Thank you The Best Damn Sports Comedy for the tip!

The University of Tennessee has found a football coach, but they had to go all the way to Louisiana Tech to get him. Derek Dooley, who accumulated a 17-20 record in two seasons in the WAC. ESPN and a few other people are reporting that Dooley’s hiring is about a done deal.

And now brace yourself for some INSTANT ANALYSIS. Weak hire. It’s amazing that NOBODY wanted this job. I thought that Southern Cal was settling just to get Lane Kiffin, but this was almost sad. It’s an SEC school, a 100,000-plus capacity stadium, tradition, strong booster base, and the Vols are stuck with what seemed like their 22nd choice.

There have been some fun ancillary reports coming out of Knoxville in the wake of Lane Kiffin’s departure for Southern Cal, mostly about students burning stuff and painting rocks and what have you, but the best for my pesos involves former Tennessee assistant coach Ed Orgeron’s efforts to bring his current crop of recruits with him to Los Angeles.

Former Tennessee recruiting coordinator Ed Orgeron has contacted multiple UT mid-term enrollees and encouraged them not to attend class today so that they can easily leave UT and enroll at Southern California, multiple sources told the News Sentinel.

By attending class today, the nine mid-term enrollees, who have been at UT since Monday, would have to follow strict transfer rules, which include sitting out a year. –GoVolsXtra.

And confirmed reports had Orgeron making some of these calls while Kiffin was still giving his farewell speech to his old team. It’s kind of unreal that USC can hit the ground running like that in somebody else’s building. I don’t fault Kiffin for heading back to familiar territory. Who wouldn’t screech their tires to get out of Tennessee at the first possible chance?

Img from USC Trojans Blog.

Southern Cal has filled their football coaching vacancy. With Lane Kiffin. And the indignation coming out of the Volunteer State is eclipsed only by the desperation of what I thought was the best job in college football. Between the weather, the Pac-10 scheduling, and smatterings of California coeds, no program could sell itself as effortlessly as Southern California football.

Kiffin continues to fail upwards like some sort of entertainment executive at NBC, and doing so in a way that makes landing the top job in Los Angeles almost appropriate. With USC waiting under the NCAA’s hammer, it seems that a guy that spent his one year of experience in FBS racking up minor violations wouldn’t be their guy.

And that’s just the thing. Nobody wanted that job. Jeff Fisher? No thanks. Steve Marriucci? Rolled to voicemail. Hell, Jack Del Rio decided to stayin Jacksonville. Whatever the hell was going on in LA, everyone’s aversion to the job says a lot about the state of that program, and probably gives a clue to why Pete Carroll was so eager to get the hell out of there in the first place.

Tennessee defensive back Eric Berry has a solid piece of viral Heisman Trophy marketing in his corner, and he’ll need it if he wants to be only the second defensive player ever to win college football’s equivalent to “Miss America.” [Can you name the first? Answer's after the jump] It’s a spoof on those credit report commercials that some of you probably find annoying. As you can see from the end of this spot, you’re not alone. Thanks, Wayland.