While interacting with his fans at the NFL Xperience in Dallas, Desmond Howard was confronted by an irate Phil Simms, who has been holding an apparent grudge against Howard since he called Phil’s son, Matt Simms, one of the three worst quarterbacks in the SEC. Howard is a college football analyst, so it’s his job to give insight and opinions, but Phil doesn’t seem to understand that. So he instead resorted to physically threatening Howard, which required police involvement.

Matt, of course, plays for the Tennessee Volunteers and he threw for 1,460 yards and 8 touchdowns during the 2010 season, so he wasn’t anything to brag about. But I will avoid making any further remarks, since I don’t want Phil threatening me. I’ve already been yelled at by Boomer Esiason’s daughter, Sydney, for calling him an idiot, so I don’t want another former NFL QB getting mad at me just because his son sucks.

The Second Harvest Food Bank in Kingston, Tennessee has withdrawn from a fundraiser that is being sponsored by Frontier Firearms because the nonprofit’s leadership believes the theme is in poor taste. That theme? Shooting at Lane and Monte Kiffin bobbleheads. In the wake of the tragedy in Arizona, the Food Bank has backed out due to complaints from area residents, marking the second time in 17 years that the organization has refused a fundraiser, said Executive Director Elaine Streno.

Frontier is still moving forward with the event, charging $5 per bobblehead and the company will give the money to basically any charity that wants it. And as the ED of Burnsy’s Home for Wayward Hot Sorority Girls, I will gladly accept the money for my new Pudding Wrestling Scholarship.

Hold a grudge over a sh*tty coach for me, USA Today:

Frontier Firearms president Brant Williams says he has perhaps 800 bobbleheads of Lane and his father, USC defensive coordinator Monte, and the event will go on regardless of anyone cringing because it comes on the heels of the Arizona shootings.

Williams points out that YouTube is littered with comic explosions of celebrity bobbleheads and said by phone from his Kingston store that, “Nobody is going to leave our range after shooting a Lane Kiffin boobblehead [sic] with a desire to go shoot Lane Kiffin.”

I love that they spelled it “boobblehead” because the word boob makes me giggle endlessly. Williams added that this is just typical sports behavior and that fans have the ability to check their hatred at the door. In related news, people in Tennessee need to move on already.

Local news report about the fundraiser after the jump…

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Far be it for any of us to pretend to be high and mighty drunks, so when people are caught on camera incoherent and stumbling around a sports venue, I like to think of it more as a celebration of free spirits than a criticism of too many spirits. For instance, we first have a Green Bay Packers fan who experiences some problem with his equilibrium while he presumably searches Bing for tips on how to stand up straight.

This sort-of-upstanding young Cheesehead was tailgating for the Packers’ home opener against the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, but instead of just a boring old story about guy + beer = retard, I like to imagine it a little differently. You see, Gary Ferbman was a promising amateur ice fisher when, during tournament preparation, he fell into another fisherman’s hole as part of a diabolical trap. For four years, Gary was frozen in ice until he was finally discovered and thawed on Saturday. When his friends asked him what he wanted to do first, he said, “I want to go watch the Packers and my favorite QB Brett Favre.”

And the rest is Schlitz binge drinking history. Video after the jump, plus bonus college debauchery.

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I’m not sure, but I think the folks over at UT are kinda mad at Lane Kiffin.  Not only did they riot and start fires in the streets, but now they’re rapping about it.  It’s cathartic, or something.  Some of my favorite lines brought to us by the stylings of Brabo Gator are:

“You made a bunch of promises/and then you left us/you screwed us so hard that your wife got jealous

“You didn’t screw us privately/You screwed us in the open/You screwed us so dirty I just hope you wore a Trojan

“You suck/plus your dad about a hundred years old”

I’m just going to go ahead and throw this out there…maybe the Kiffins shouldn’t ever go back to Tennessee ever.  Like, EVER.  Or it sounds like they’ll beat your ass.  Just sayin’.

–Thank you The Best Damn Sports Comedy for the tip!

The University of Tennessee has found a football coach, but they had to go all the way to Louisiana Tech to get him. Derek Dooley, who accumulated a 17-20 record in two seasons in the WAC. ESPN and a few other people are reporting that Dooley’s hiring is about a done deal.

And now brace yourself for some INSTANT ANALYSIS. Weak hire. It’s amazing that NOBODY wanted this job. I thought that Southern Cal was settling just to get Lane Kiffin, but this was almost sad. It’s an SEC school, a 100,000-plus capacity stadium, tradition, strong booster base, and the Vols are stuck with what seemed like their 22nd choice.

There have been some fun ancillary reports coming out of Knoxville in the wake of Lane Kiffin’s departure for Southern Cal, mostly about students burning stuff and painting rocks and what have you, but the best for my pesos involves former Tennessee assistant coach Ed Orgeron’s efforts to bring his current crop of recruits with him to Los Angeles.

Former Tennessee recruiting coordinator Ed Orgeron has contacted multiple UT mid-term enrollees and encouraged them not to attend class today so that they can easily leave UT and enroll at Southern California, multiple sources told the News Sentinel.

By attending class today, the nine mid-term enrollees, who have been at UT since Monday, would have to follow strict transfer rules, which include sitting out a year. –GoVolsXtra.

And confirmed reports had Orgeron making some of these calls while Kiffin was still giving his farewell speech to his old team. It’s kind of unreal that USC can hit the ground running like that in somebody else’s building. I don’t fault Kiffin for heading back to familiar territory. Who wouldn’t screech their tires to get out of Tennessee at the first possible chance?

Img from USC Trojans Blog.