Sports Illustrated has named Olympic hero and yellow fever victim Michael Phelps its Sportsman of the Year, making him the WAIT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS FACE?

Am I going insane?  I know I’ve been kinda sick, but am I hallucinating this?   Because if this cover is right, then Michael Phelps’s face has shrunk to 80% of its original size since the Olympics, as well as becoming paler than the rest of his body and placed at the wrong angle on his head.

Someone please tell me I’m not crazy, that yes, it does look as if a low-ranking intern, possibly a chimpanzee or someone’s retarded son, was responsible for Photoshopping a professional photo shoot of history’s greatest Olympian for the world’s biggest sports magazine.

Dude, SI, I know times are tough and you’ve had to lay people off, but nerds who are good at Photoshop work for damn near free.  I pay 289 in wooden nickels and blank cassette tapes.  And let’s face it, he’s overpaid.

It’s not like this is the most amazing play ever or anything, I just like it that a pitcher named for a flower hurt one of the Molina brothers.  I can’t stand those guys.  “Oooh, look at us, we’re three brothers who are all mediocre at the exact same job.”  Way to go out there and do your own thing.  Nice sense of individuality. You know at least one of them really wanted to be an interior designer.  Probably Yadier, given the way he cries here.

[The Sporting Blog]

As print magazines die a slow death and blogs like this one lessen the impact of long-form sports journalism (sorry about that, Pat Jordan), Sports Illustrated keeps trying to re-package itself as a "brand" with an "online presence" and other corporate buzzwords.

What they need to do is just highlight all the stuff they used to write about.  -Women: Should They Be Allowed on Golf Courses?  -Are Negros the Future of Basketball? And of course the beauty pictured here, -Holy Fuck!  Fucking Bears!  Kill Them!  Killlllll Themmmmm!

Sadly for us, the Sterger turf in question is SI.com, and not posing for Maxim and Playboy.  I guess we'll all just have to keep waiting patiently for that.

Anyway, the pride of Northside contributed to today's Scorecard Daily feature with a light-hearted Chicago-vs-LA comparison as both cities vie for the 2016 Olympic Games.  Disregarding my Spanish favoritism and my hesitance to say anything negative about Jenn Sterger (hey, she's cute and seems nice), I still have to say that Miss Spain does significantly better than everyone's favorite Cowgirl.  Perhaps Cornell really is a better school than Florida State.  Does FSU have a school for aspiring hotel managers?  I fucking think not.

Also, because I only offer the most exciting insider exclusives, click the thumbnail to see the material that WAS TOO RACY FOR SI!!!  Or maybe it just got edited out.  Whatever.

Editor's note on SI: Yes, I had a letter published in this week's SI about the Amaechi quote (they acknowledged my work and regretted the omission, which was very nice of them).  Thanks to the dozens of people who emailed me about this, and to those who stood up and made idiotic excuses for SI in the comments of the old post: feel free to apologize to me in the comments. You know who you are.

This is a scan from Sports Illustrated's baseball preview issue. That's a funny quote from John Amaechi, right? But I feel like I've seen it somewhere before… but where? I just can't quite put my finger — oh yeah, that's right. About two weeks ago I spent a night out on the town with Amaechi.

I quoted him on several different topics, but I tried to make it clear that it wasn't a journalistic endeavor on my part, since I didn't write anything down at the time, then I went out and got mildly drunk that night, then I wrote a whole day's worth of posts before getting to the Amaechi story. So, while I'm confident that I correctly communicated Amaechi's sentiment, I probably didn't get his words 100% correct. (Editor's note: John saw the post and told me he enjoyed it, so I didn't get anything too wrong.) Anyway, here's how I quoted him on the Bible thing:

He was also confounded by people who pick and choose what leftovers from the Old Testament are and aren't sins: "It also forbids eating shellfish. If being gay is as bad as going to Red Lobster, I'm not really worried about it."

Wow, that's suspiciously similar, isn't it? And by "suspiciously similar" I mean "word-for-word." Listen, I'm not going to say SI lifted a quote from a completely journalistically irresponsible blog, but… wait. Yes. Yes, that is what I'm saying. The funny thing is, if they had just added "as quoted by the website WithLeather.com," I'd feel all special inside and think SI was totally awesome. Instead, SI is now dead to me.

Well, except for the swimsuit issue. That still rules.

Stealing-stuff UPDATE: Orson Swindle from EDSBS writes, "Check out page 22 of Sports Illustrated–they have a ripoff of the Fulmer Cup competition called… 'Campus Leaders' or something like that." Oh, so I guess I'm not special. It must have been uncredited blog material week for SI. Also, I need to thank Big Daddy Drew for the scan, and Henry Abbott for being the first to point the quote out to me. Look at me! Giving credit to people is easy!

Non-requisite clarification: As ***always***, I'm not serious. SI isn't dead to me. What's there to be upset about? They used a quote — it's not like I own those words. But it's either a nice little step forward for blogs or a sad step back for print media when I'm being trusted as a news source.

I just got into an argument with my local librarian that went something like this:

        ME: "Hey, where's the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue?"

        LIBRARIAN: "We don't have it."

        ME: "Listen, I gave you a Subway card that only needed one more stamp for a free fucking sub so you would hold that issue for me.  Do you remember that fat-ass?  Now make with the issue if you don't want a scene."

        LIBRARIAN: "No, what I mean is Sports Illustrated never sent us that issue.  In fact, SI has withheld the Swimsuit Issue from all schools and libraries."

        (I slightly remembered reading something about this earlier in the week, but my mind plays cruel tricks on me when I've been drinking.  My mind plays lots of cruel tricks.)

        ME:  "Listen bitch, SI wouldn't do that to me.  Do you think you're smarter than me because you have a fancy MLS degree?  I can't believe they give you a damn diploma for memorizing the Dewey Decimal System."

        LIBRARIAN: "By the way, Sizzling is a week overdue.  Do you want to me renew it for you?"

I left that dump in a huff, but I was shocked to learn that she spoke the truth and SI had indeed betrayed me.  Now you may ask, why not just buy the issue?  The demands of assistant editing With Leather is a 24/7 job, and, since I live mainly on the crusts that the Chief excises from his PB & J sandwiches, my current financial situation precludes me from owning it.  Once I'm paid in legal tender however, I will either buy it or a laptop, so I can research the sports world for you in the privacy of the communal bathroom at the YMCA where I reside. -KD

(Thanks to Panger from Foul Balls for keeping me on task.)