Just two days after I hosted my 2-month anniversary celebration for his acquittal – including jalapeno poppers! – Roger Clemens is back in our lives for what he was always best at – throwing broken bats at Mike Piazza in a frenzied rage that was definitely not brought on by steroid use. Unfortunately, Piazza hasn’t signed on yet, so we’ll have to settle for Clemens doing what he hasn’t been good at for 7 years – pitching.

Clemens has signed a deal with the Sugar Land Skeeters of the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball. Yeah, your guess is as good as mine.

Club officials told the FOX affiliate that the 50-year-old was clocked at 87 mph during a workout on Monday.

For what it’s worth (which could be absolutely nothing), the Skeeters website has Saturday listed as The Human Fireball Night.

“The Bases are sure to be smoking after this game,” the team’s site states. “No, not from all the runs the Skeeters will score. It will be from Stuntman Ted Batchelor as he LIGHTS HIMSELF ON FIRE after the game and does a complete trip around the bases.” (Via FOX Sports)

Obviously we’re all thinking the same thing – why isn’t Clemens the one who is being lit on fire? I mean, 87 mph is pretty weak, so maybe burning him alive is just the motivation Clemens will need to add a few mph to that crappy effort.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fire Pooch is not amused.

Ever since Ted Batchelor was a kid, he knew he had one purpose in life – to light himself on fire. The 51-year old Guinness World Record holder added another notch to his fireproof belt this past Saturday when he became the first person to ever circle the bases at a professional field while completely engulfed in flames. So tough luck to all of us who had Alex Rodriguez in our human torch betting pools.

The stunt was part of a promotion by the Savannah Sand Gnats, and after they defeated the Kannapolis Intimidators 8-2, it was Batchelor’s turn to step to the plate. Lucky fan Chris Corey’s name was drawn at random to set Batchelor ablaze, and then the packed house at Grayson Stadium watched in awe, horror and whatever else as Batchelor rounded the bases, pumping his fists and celebrating all of the human flame groupie poon that would be undoubtedly be flung at him after he was extinguished.

Let’s get a donkey at this Batchelor party, MinorLeagueBaseball.com:

Read the rest of this entry »