Dying Meme Watch: ‘Kaepernicking’ Is A Thing Now, Because Of Course It Is

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.14.13

When San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh opted to stick with Colin Kaepernick as his starting quarterback even after a concussed Alex Smith had been cleared to play, a lot of Niner fans were pissed off. Smith, of course, was vocal about his discontent with being benched, saying something like, “All I did to lose my job was get a concussion and not look like a young Gregory Hines.” Again, that’s not verbatim.

But the fun of being an NFL fan is that you can be as pissed off as you want one day, and then completely change your mind the next. Now that Kaepernick has led the 49ers to a convincing, dominating playoff win over the Green Bay Packers – in which he set the single game NFL rushing record for a QB – it’s all “Alex who?” in the Bay Area, because San Fran fans love them some Kaepernick right now.

Of course, as we’ve learned in the past, when we have an exciting young QB winning games, he’s bound to be followed by a trademark meme, and wouldn’t you know, Kaepernicking is apparently a thing now. There is no God.

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Sports On TV: Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ 20 Greatest Sports Moments

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.18.12


Centiback Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Welcome to the most 1990s thing that ever existed.

For anyone who doesn’t know, ‘Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ was a live-action television series about teenagers who come together to use recycled Japanese action show footage to sell toys to American kids. It first aired on Fox Kids in 1993 and is still on, jumping from Fox to ABC to Toon Disney to Nickelodeon, changing its name and cast as many times as it needed to remain fresh. The most recent incarnation is ‘Power Rangers Super Samurai,’ but they’ve been Turbo, Zeo, in Space, in a Lost Galaxy and affixed with everything from time travel to dinosaurs and something called ‘jungle fury’.

Today, Sports On TV tackles the show that brought the Power Rangers to the dance — the first three seasons of ‘Mighty Morphin’ — featuring the original cast (mostly), the original bad guys and all the horrible dubbed-in dialogue and grainy footage that made the franchise a 20-year success. Yeah, I can’t figure it out either.

For your morphenomenal pleasures, I present to you my picks for the 20 greatest sports moments in ‘Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ history.

As an added bonus, you can MAKE YOUR MONSTER GROWWWW and unlock the Rita Repulsa badge by sharing Sports On TV: Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers’ 20 Greatest Sports Moments on Facebook and Twitter. All you have to do is click the handy-dandy share buttons at the bottom of the post, and the badge is yours. What better way to say “I know a lady who spent 10,000 years on the moon”?

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Important Update: I’m Still Not Buying The Lawnmower Kid’s Tebowing Story

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.17.12

Last month, 17-year old Josh Ehrenberg shoehorned himself into the national news scene when he told a local TV news crew that a man attacked him while he was mowing his lawn. Normally, this isn’t much of a story, because our society sucks and people attack each other all the time. But what made Ehrenberg’s case so remarkable was that he claimed the man got out of his car, shoved him from a riding mower and then he was apparently Tebowing. Because it all just sounds so true.

Well, the Shenango Township Police apparently have their man, as 53-year old David Edward McCosby was arrested for this heinous assault.

Investigators report that McCosby has confessed to assaulting the boy.

The assault came after the teenager–who was cutting grass in front of his family’s home–drove a riding mower “on the road, apparently into the path of” McCosby’s oncoming vehicle, cops reported. After exiting his car, McCosby approached the boy and “knocked the juvenile off the lawn mower and assaulted him in the front yard of the residence,” investigators alleged.

In announcing McCosby’s arrest, cops noted that, “After the assault, and prior to fleeing the scene, McCosby got onto his knee in what appeared to be a prayer. Witnesses described it as a ‘Tebow’.” (Via The Smoking Gun)

Originally it was Ehrenberg’s word against the world that McCosby Tebowed after assaulting him, and I didn’t believe it, because it’s just stupid. Now, though, it’s “witnesses” that saw McCosby Tebow, and guess what… I still don’t believe it.

I said it then and I’ll say it now – if this dude actually Tebowed after he shoved a teenage kid from his riding mower, he would have filmed it. Otherwise, it’s the dumbest thing ever. But now that I know that Ehrenberg was riding his mower in the road, I’m starting to think that there’s more to this story than what is being reported. Granted, I don’t know what kind of road it was or if McCosby is just a total dickhead, but I’m at least willing to entertain the idea that Ehrenberg was being a dick, because teenagers suck.

Unfortunate Update: McCosby killed himself. Jesus.

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Griffining Is Here, It’s Not Going Away, Get Used To It

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.14.12

The Washington Redskins are currently 1-0 after a huge 40-32 Week 1 victory over the New Orleans Saints, and naturally the buzz of that win revolved around how great rookie quarterback Robert Griffin III played. RG3, as he’s known in science fiction films to fans, threw for 320 yards and 2 TDs in his first regular season NFL game, so naturally Skins fans are excited about his future. It also helps that he gets to play the St. Louis Rams this week, and everyone assumes that’ll be a much easier game for him (even though the Rams made Matt Stafford look like he played for the Rams).

Again, the guy has played one regular season game, and while I know that Skins fans are relieved that they finally have a potentially good QB and not a Grossman or Campbell, we shouldn’t anoint him the Chosen One just yet. But that would be a rational point of view, and sports fans are never rational. That’s how a meme like Griffining is born.

Coined by The Burgundy Blog, Griffining is the new planking/owling/Batmaning/Tebowing, and I have a feeling that even if the Redskins go 1-15 this season and Griffin throws no more TDs and 50 interceptions, the fans will keep doing it, because sports fans are insane. While there’s already a movement to stop this fad growing on Twitter, it won’t matter. The resistance to Griffining is futile.

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News Story Of The Year: Man Tebowed After Pushing Kid From Tractor… Or Did He???

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.31.12

In a bizarre news story that is spreading across the Intertubes like wildfire, 17-year old Josh Ehrenberg from Shenango, Pennsylvania recently filed a police report after a man assaulted him while he was mowing the lawn. Big deal, right? Well, the attacker was allegedly driving by and stopped his car, just to get out, run up to Josh, and clothesline him off of the riding mower. Still not enough? How about if the mystery assailant committed all of the above and then celebrated by Tebowing? That’s Ehrenberg’s story, according to one of the stranger Smoking Gun reports of the year.

The car’s driver–who investigators describe as “a taller male, bald, wearing glasses”–exited his vehicle and approached the boy. The suspect then “knocked the juvenile off the lawn mower and assaulted him in the front yard of the residence,” according to police.

As the suspect walked back to his car (“possibly a 1980′s Chrysler New Yorker maroon in color”), he was observed “stopping and kneeling down as if in prayer (a ‘Tebow’),” noted cops. The man then fled the New Castle crime scene.

Additionally, WPXI Channel 11 News in Pittsburgh picked this story up, because Tim Tebow means ratings, even in little old Lawrence County. WPXI’s Gordon Loesch – who I assume introduces himself to people by saying, “Haha, no, I’m not the guy from Burn Notice, but I… I get that a lot” – has the shocking story that could possibly kill your entire family.

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Attention Serious Journalists: Do Not Tebow During Your Hurricane Isaac Report

Written by Brandon Stroud / 08.29.12

Tebowing Hurircane IsaacI am well aware that blogging on a sports comedy site does not make me a “journalist” or a “reporter”, and sure, 90% of my day is collecting cheesy wrestler photos until I can run downstairs and watch movies, but Jesus Christ, even my highest-of-the-low-quality-writers no-worth-ethic-having ass would not use my internationally-broadcast Weather Channel report on Hurricane Isaac as an excuse to “Tebow”.

This is Weather Channel expert and “fitness nut” Jim Cantore Tebowing in the middle of Hurricane Isaac. I think the worst part is his “uhhh these winds are really powerful and it’s GETTIN’ HARD TO STAND” thing before it. He should’ve started off the report planking facedown in the street.

In case you’ve got a kinder heart than mine and you’re thinking, “maybe he really couldn’t stand up”, here’s a second clip of him doing push-ups.

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