Pittsburgh’s 96.1 KISS FM Morning Freak Show, hosted by Mikey and Big Bob, responded to a Twitter rumor yesterday that Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby is dating country-turned-pop star Taylor Swift. Normally, I’d be like, “Stupid morning radio bros startin’ poop with awful photoshops” but not this time, because this rumor totally seems like it could be true.

For example, Swift is playing at the Amway Center tonight in my beloved Bethlehem of the meth belt, Orlando, and I wouldn’t even flinch if someone walked up to me in a strip club and said, “Hey I heard Sidney Crosby’s in town because Taylor Swift is playing a show tonight” because she has a different boyfriend every week. In fact, I’m shocked that she hasn’t dated Crosby yet. Hell, any pro athlete for that matter.

So because it’s eventually going to happen, and Swift will break up with whichever athlete she gets her talons on (please be Tebow, please be Tebow…) and then she’ll write an entire album about him, I took the liberty of writing her first hit single off that album.

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That's actually how I picture Dax Sheppard any time I hear his name.

The Teen Choice Awards took place last night in the fourth level of hell Los Angeles, and once again the big winners were the PR and marketing teams of Hollywood film and TV studios that busted their asses the hardest to make sure that people teenagers have never heard of inexplicably won awards. For instance, Zoe Saldana won Choice Movie Actress: Action for Colombiana, a film that .000000001% of teenagers actually saw. However, she won because she showed up, unlike Jennifer Lawrence, who would have won, because every teenage girl on Earth would have voted for her for The Hunger Games.

But that’s a different story for a different site. Instead, let’s pay tribute to those trendy teens and their sports heroes, as they once again voted to select the most relevant athletes of the day. The 2012 Teen Choice Award for Choice Male Athlete is David Beckham, while Choice Female Athlete is Serena Williams. Well, I am absolutely OUTRAG… actually, that’s not terrible. Beckham just re-upped with the reigning MLS Champions (I’d still have expected LeBron James to win), while Williams won both the singles and doubles titles at Wimbledon. So if teens indeed voted for them, I’m relieved. Of course, neither Beckham nor Williams showed up and Shaun White was the only actual athlete in attendance, but I guess it’s progress.

Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the future of this planet and our youth as a whole. Join me for a mini-rant after the jump, will you?

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File this under: News that was buried because it didn’t involve love triangles with Katy Perry and Kim Kardashian or bromances with Jeremy Lin. Last week, I pointed out that a surprising amount of athletes attended the second annual Cartoon Network Hall of Game Awards, from host Shaquille O’Neal to New York Giants hero Victor “We Get It Already, You Salsa” Cruz, and somewhere in between was last year’s flavor, Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow. On hand to accept the Captain Clutch award, which I assume he later texted a picture of to Matt Prater, Tebow was actually doing something much cooler by attending.

He was treating 10-year old Colorado cancer patient Presli Collins to her very first date.

Of the invite from Tebow, which was received through his foundation Wish 15, Lisa Collins said, “She’s just gone through a lot, and when we got the notice for this, she was just completely shocked.” She went onto say that Tebow “treated Presli like a princess, made her feel like she was the star, which was just amazing.”

At the end of the event, Tebow told Presli, “Thank you for being an amazing date.” (Via Fox News Insider)

I don’t know if I just didn’t notice that little tidbit at the time (possibly) or if it was just grossly under-reported (probably), but that’s a pretty awesome move by Tebow. In a time when YouTube date requests have just gotten out of hand – my demand still stands, Emma Stone! – it’s nice to see Tebow pick one that’s hugely admirable. And don’t think I’m the only one who noticed, because singer Taylor Swift was reportedly showing her appreciation of Tebow at an Oscar party Friday night.

Sources say Tebow and Swift were “quite flirty” but I heard they went all the way. That’s right… he touched her elbow. No word yet on when Swift will release her double album, “Touchdowns & Heartbreaks”, celebrating her six day romance with the man of her dreams and how he ended up just another Gyllenhaal in her nightmares.

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A few in-house links, to start

- Like us on Facebook! We have a human (me) updating it now, so no more robot copy-pasta.
- Follow us on Twitter so you never miss an update.
- Follow me on Twitter, because I’m 20 followers away from 1,000 and need your validation.

Now, on to Taylor Swift looking surprised when she isn’t even surprised.

Links

Arrested Development Cast Reuniting for 10 More Shows & A Movie (No, Seriously This Time) - Six seasons and a movie! [Film Drunk]

Arrested Development Returns And The Internet Rejoices - If your friend says meh and thinks this won’t “live up” to the original series, tell him to appreciate it when he gets wonderful magical presents from God. I don’t care if this is just deleted scenes in a montage, I’m all over it. [UPROXX]

The Best Of #Entertainment 720 - Aw Snapple, are we calling everybody baby, now? [UPROXX]

Taylor Swift Performs With T.I. & Usher In Atlanta - Sorta like when Nelly recorded a song with Tim McGraw, but for teenagers instead of old people. [Smoking Section]

Life After Death: Cassettes Are Making A Indie Comeback - Hopefully cassingles will make a comeback, too, and I can finally unload this Poison “Unskinny Bop” cassingle I’ve been hoarding since like 1989. [Smoking Section]

Kenan Thompson Is Marrying This. - AW HERE IT GO. Ah well, the guy has had a sustainable comedy career for almost two decades, was a Mighty Duck and was in Good Burger. He deserves it. [Warming Glow]

Pie-Humper’s Wife Bought Him A Beej From A Hooker - Best/saddest line: “The most exciting part of the day was Keisha complimenting me on my blowjob skills. I love approval of any kind.” [Film Drunk]

Little Kid’s Reaction To Darth Vader Being Luke’s Father - Now let’s see his reaction to making the car lights come on using only The Force. [Gamma Squad]

5 Most Insane iPhone 5 Rumors - It will do your dishes! It can command your dog from over five miles away! It can sprout legs and attack you on the moon! YOU MUST HAVE IPHONE 5. [Buzzfeed]

High School Football Player Quits Team to Become Cheerleader - Good for him! I quit my high school football team to concentrate on my studies, and because I was terrible at football and shouldn’t have been on the football team. [Brobible]

The 20 Most Successful Christian-Themed Films of All Time - Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland counts, as it contained Christian themes like killing a dragon with a jumping sword slash and dancing so excitedly your head spins around. [Pajiba]

Miley Cyrus has made a sustainable, blockbuster career out of professions that shouldn’t make her famous. She was the daughter of country music’s Rick Astley. She was the star of a Disney Channel show about a girl who wears a wig. She had a custom-built Nicholas Sparks movie set up around her and tours the world as a Latina (?) teenager who booty-pops to auto-tuned Madonna songs with her best friend Biggus Dickus. Now Miley is embarking on a new career, and it makes less sense than ever: she’s been declared a goodwill ambassador to the game of bowling and elected to the Bowling Hall Of Fame.

Via a report from E! Online:

“We knew that with megastars such as Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber in our lineup that this year’s race would be a close one,” said Steve Johnson, executive director of the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America.

“Fueled by the passion and support of her supporters and bowling fans worldwide, Ms. Cyrus rose to the occasion scoring an incredible comeback victory. We are honored to welcome her into the Hall of Fame and grateful for her support of the great sport of bowling.”

As mentioned, Miley beat out bowling luminaries Justin Bieber, Kim Kardashian, Lady Gaga and one or more Jonas Brothers to take the honor. She also beat Jeff Bridges, who as far as I know is the only person on that list to have done something in his life about bowling. The rationale for nominating these people, besides free press (and the question “can you name a pro bowler”)?

“The roster of candidates includes celebrities who have helped support and popularize bowling, contributing to its status as the nation’s number one participatory sport,” the statement says.

I googled “Miley Cyrus bowling” and literally the only thing I could find besides “Miley Cyrus inducted into Bowling Hall Of Fame” were two pictures of her doing a Hannah Montana press thing at a bowling alley when she was 11. Her head hasn’t started going through puberty yet. Look at her, shelooks like a Monchichi.

Anyway, I guess I’d have to be pretty Sports By Brooks to try and call out the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America for giving a black eye to the nation’s number one participatory sport, but damn, Drew Carey getting into the WWE Hall of Fame was pretty dumb, but at least he spent a few minutes in the Royal Rumble. This is like the Pawnee chapter of the Indiana Organization of Women giving Ron Swanson “Woman Of The Year”.

I bet there’s some poor, awesome bowler somewhere checking his mailbox every day to see if the BPAA has decided to value him over a bobbleheaded teenager who once held a bowling ball. Sorry, Ralph, not this year.

[h/t to FARK]