Sorry, Mario! Your destination is in another castle!

One of my life’s not-so-great ambitions is to just pull some random guy out of a car and beat him senseless. But I never thought of dressing up and doing it. These guys dressed up as the Super Mario Brothers and tried to rob some cab driver in front of a gas station.

One of the suspects, all of whom were passengers in the cab, reached into the driver’s pocket as the car was moving and attempted to swipe his cash.
The driver stopped at a gas station on Arthur Kill Road and demanded that they pay their fare and leave. –NYPost, via Gothamist.

“Uh, we have an APB out on a mister “Mario” and a mister “Luigi.” Suspect is about 25 pixels tall, caucasian male…moustache…may be seen riding small green dinosaur.” Good luck with that, everyone. This case seems more hopeless than beating Super Mario 3. Full video after the jump. I guess that’s how we’re rolling these days… Read the rest of this entry »

The Chicago Blackhawk and his cousin that punched out a cab driver and stole back the fare they had just paid him were arrested earlier this morning. Which is amazing, because when obscure people in sports punch out cab drivers, they always get away with it. Patrick Kane’s mother was reached for comment, and I’ll just drop that in here like it’s hot:

“I was in Chicago and I’m just on my way home now,” Kane’s mother, Madonna, told the Chicago Sun-Times when reached by phone this afternoon. “So I really don’t have anything to report at this time because I don’t have the whole details yet. I want to know what’s going on before I say anything (else).” via.

Word is that Kane gave $15 to the cabbie for a fare of $13.80 and asked for change. The driver, who was 62 years old, told them that he didn’t have any change for them. So they beat him up. In other words, they handled it like any other scuffle in the NHL. I had the same problem in Amsterdam once with a 17-year-old prostitute, and after a few uppercuts to the chin, you better believe I gave her all the change she wanted. img.

Miami Dolphins defensive lineman Frederick Evans had a rough Saturday morning:

Frederick Evans, 23, was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct, resisting with violence, and trespassing, police said.  According to police and a cab driver, this is what happened: The defensive tackle, who smelled of alcohol, climbed into Dieudonne Telfort's cab on Washington Avenue and lied down in the back seat.  After Evans threw up, he took a swing at Telfort but missed.

Telfort reportedly asked, "Where-a adt tu?"  Heh, Quick Change is a hilarious film. But only after a thorough baking.  Anyway, Evans went on to bite a police officer:

Officers ordered Evans to get out of the cab, but he refused, and officers proceeded to place him under arrest. Evans allegedly began cursing at them as they were handcuffing him, then took a swing at one of the officers.  One officer was bitten on his left wrist and suffered several bruises; another had scrapes and bruises on her left knee, police said.

Freddy was probably hungry; he had just ralphed.  I'm always starving for flapjacks after dispatching the residue of evil the morning after a bender.  Mmm, flapjacks. 

The officers then used their Tasers on Evans, but the shock did not immediately subdue the 6-foot-4 Dolphin, according to the arrest affidavit. The officers called for backup as Evans grabbed a bicycle locked to a signpost. Officers told him to let go; he wouldn't. He was Tasered again, and finally taken into custody. Meanwhile, a crowd of onlookers gathered on the sidewalk. Traffic was snarled.

They should add a Taser resistance section to the NFL Combine as it would be a great aid to our men and women in blue.  I can see why public attention was transfixed on this event because it's not every day a professional athlete is arrested on Miami Beach.  It only happens about 4 times a week. -KD

(Free flapjacks for Hugh B. Brown for the tip.)