Yesterday we learned that after new Lions running back Rudi Johnson stole Tatum Bell’s job, Bell stole Johnson’s luggage.  At the time it was still second-hand information, but now we’re getting details like the luggage was “two Gucci bags that [Johnson] had received as a Pro Bowl gift.”  Even better are the comments from Johnson and Bell:

“I got the bags back — empty,” [Johnson] said. “So he’s got a bunch of my underclothes. What he’s going to do with that, I don’t know. He’s got some socks and boxers.” Johnson said he was also still missing about $200 in cash along with his ID and credit cards, but said that he did not plan to involve the authorities. [...]

Bell [said] that defensive end Victor DeGrate… had asked Bell to pick up his bags for him. Bell said he picked up the bags, not realizing they weren’t DeGrate’s. “I wasn’t thinking or nothing,” Bell told the newspaper. “I just grabbed the backpack and grabbed the other bag. They weren’t in nobody’s locker or nothing like that.”

I’m no lawyer, but I’ve watched a lot of Ally McBeal, so I figure the guy with the bad grammar is guilty.  Seriously, I didn’t think that many double negatives in a row were possible.  The only way he could be harder to understand is if he said, “They weren’t in nobody’s locker or nothing like that… or were they?“

When the Lions signed running back Rudi Johnson, Tatum Bell became the odd man out on Detroit’s roster, as the former Bronco was informed he’d be released after the Johnson signing.  Bell did make off with a nice parting gift, though: all of Johnson’s luggage.

Johnson left his bags outside CEO Matt Millen’s office while he met with team officials and, ultimately, worked out a deal with the team. So when Johnson came back to get his bags, they were nowhere to be found.  Johnson and Millen were stumped.

They then checked the surveillance video, and found out that the thief was Bell.

Bell took the bags to the house of a female acquaintance.  When confronted on the matter, Bell offered up some cockamamie story that he thought the bags belonged to someone he knew.  The girl, however, said that she hadn’t seen Bell in several months and he showed up out of the blue and asked her to keep the bags for a while.

The word is that Johnson and the Lions aren’t going to press charges, which I think is nice.  Too nice.  It would be way cooler if they fired him from his job AND sicced the police on him.  That’s what usually happens to me, anyway.  People can get really uptight about exposed genitals in the office.