If you aren’t familiar with the works of Popek Rak, he’s a Polish rapper (or “raper”) turned MMA fighter with a career record of 2-1, a desire to mutilate his body in one way or another and nobody telling him to stop being such a dumb idiot.

I have to warn you up front: your introduction to Popek Rak will not be a pleasant one, and both of the videos (after the jump) come with an extreme graphic violence warning. Nobody gets killed or anything, but in the first one Popek gets tattoos ON HIS EYES, and in the second he gets intentional scarification of the face, done by … well, sawing off huge chunks of his face. By the end of the second clip he’s spitting and smoking and bleeding from the entire right side of his head, mumbling about how motherf**kers are no longer jumping on his dick.

Ladies and gentlemen, Popek Rak.

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Mike McWain of Pasco, Washington, has what the Tri-City Herald refers to as “a field of dreams tattooed across his back, shoulders and arms”, and whether or not you think it’s a little light on the Moonlight Graham and a little heavy on the “God literally holding dead baseball players”, you’ll be happy to know he spent 11 years and $10,000 on the project.

“There were a lot of reasons I waited so long to finish this,” he said. “At the time I got the first tattoo done, my son was born. I had a family to support and that had to come first, plus I wasn’t making a lot of money back then to justify the expense.”

He also wanted the portraits to look like the real players, so the tattoo artist needed to be accomplished enough to meet McWain’s expectations.

Two years ago, he met Tri-City tattoo artist Jesse Walsh at the Three Rivers Tattoo Convention. Walsh, who owns Asylum Tattoo in Pasco, found the project challenging as well as stimulating.

I like the wording of “I had a family to support and that had to come first”, and now it’s 11 years later and I guess his kids are 11 and he doesn’t have to support them anymore so it’s time to sink whatever constituted a college fund into making Ty Cobb’s face look as accurate as possible on his back.

Of course, Mike is an amateur when compared to the living, organic canvas that is Chicago Bears Tattoo Guy Glenn Timmerman. I don’t see Glenn wasting valuable forearm space with images of his kids.

Be sure to head over to Tri-City Herald dot com and watch the video interview with Mike, which features him hilariously stating that in his opinion, Babe Ruth was one of the greatest baseball players of all time.

Buzzfeed’s headline “An Idiot Got A Tim Tebow Tattoo [PIC]” is all you need to know, because seriously, what else is there to say? This guy got Tim Tebow as a centaur in a football helmet (and nothing else, it should be noted) with “Tebow Time” above it tattooed on his body. I’m not sure where on his body, exactly, but judging by the flat area and body hair I’d have to guess “his forehead”.

Thanks to this Internet Stranger, Tebow joins Alex Rodriguez in the “sports guys who have at one point been a centaur” category of our brains. Maybe it’s because he plays for a horse-themed team? If he played for the Eagles this tattoo would be of Tebow as a griffin? And then he could get traded to the Lions, and the guy would have to get a cover-up and depict Tebow as a chimera? Regardless, I really want to use Kratos to kill this guy now.

And is it just me, or is the cursive somehow the worst part?

[h/t to Robopanda]

Okay, maybe not, but this puppy running to a Firefly B-side is pretty awesome.

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Check UPROXX Out On Flipboard - Hooray, we have an app! Now you’ll never be too far away from Kate Upton slideshows and the 50 Most Craprifficially Stinktacular Epic Fail Bombz In some medium’s history. [UPROXX]

The 15 Best TV Series on Netflix Instant - A great resource, even if people still think ‘Scrubs’ was good. Be sure to check out the new, Ufford-less Warming Glow, where I will be trying to get a roster spot every second or third day for the next year. [Warming Glow]

One In The Ink, Two In The Stink: The Most Regrettable Tattoos You’ll See This Week - |UPROXX|

Shame Review: Michael Fassbender Likes Sex. A Lot. That’s Pretty Much It. - The best part of Shame is the end, where Carey Mulligan yells SHAME! COME BACK! [Film Drunk]

NYT: “Women Won’t Like Game of Thrones” - It’s a crossover hit. It’s not just for fantasy enthusiasts, they’re telling human stories in a fantasy world. (fill out the forms please thanks) [Gamma Squad]

Join The #PassTheCrown Contest With The Smoking Section! - The contest to see who can be the HOTTEST MC IN THE GAME! Actually I haven’t clicked the link yet so I have no idea what this is about, but go do it, no matter what it is. [Smoking Section]

The 23 Most Provocative Questions Posed By Philosoraptor - Pretty funny, but yes, in Japan there are uncool kids who are really into American culture. What, you’ve never read Dave Barry Goes To Japan? [Buzzfeed]

10 Unbelievable Reactions to Movies - I feel like if you pass out during a movie you’ve got problems that have nothing to do with the movie. Oh no, I saw something gross, /shuts down brain. We aren’t hedgehogs, we don’t roll into a f**king ball. [Moviefone]

The 10 Biggest Oscar Snubs of the 2012 Academy Awards: A Pajiba Prediction - Shockingly accurate, especially about Winnie The Pooh. I would’ve spent the whole time bitching about Hugo not winning Best Picture and Sacha Baron Cohen not winning Best Supporting Actor. [Pajiba]

The Ultimate ’90s Nerd Battle - Urkel Bot would win, all Screech could do in a fight is tear somebody’s shirt. [Unreality]

Greenville News Drops Giant ‘F*ck’ In Newspaper Story About the SEC Championship Game This Weekend - It took me a minute to find it, but when I did, holy sh*t. Or holy f**k, I guess. [BroBible]

It’s Cyber Monday, everybody, and you know what that means! /unzips pants

Links

International Object Podcast S2E2: Brandon Stroud - I can’t stop casting pods! Listen to me talk excitedly for nearly two hours, because I don’t get enough of a chance to do this sort of thing. A great conversation about terrible things. [International Object]

NBA Lockout Laboratory: Is Being Tall The Only Thing That Matters In Basketball? - Hilarious. Jon on a video blog is the best, but he should be dressed like he’s going to work at Radio Shack at all times. [SB Nation]

Women Be Tramplin’: The Most Insane Black Friday Moments You Will Ever See - You know how I spent my Black Friday? Hanging out at home, not being trampled to death, then going out at 9 at night and buying two seasons of ‘Roseanne’ from Target for 4 dollars. [UPROXX]

Ten Skits That Prove ‘The Muppet Show’ Was For Adults More Than Kids - Alternate title, “ten skits that prove ‘The Muppet Show’ was better than most other shows”. Johnny Cash/Rowlf and Time In A Bottle are two of my very favorites. [Warming Glow]

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: November 25th - With a title like this I’d hoped they’d be cosplaying as pilgrims and Indians, but whatever. Discussion point: cosplay stops being cool or sexy when you get professionally taken photos of it. [Gamma Squad]

“Streets Of Music” – Review Of 9th Wonder’s The Wonder Years - Not what I thought it was going to be. [Smoking Section]

Alternate Posters for the Expendables - Internet jokes aside, Chuck Norris makes me feel really uncomfortable. The way he says WHAT’S YOUR GAME?? in the Warcraft commercial like I’m a goddamn terrorist and he’s still Firewalker is the worst. [Film Drunk]

10 Awesome Vintage Tattoo Parlors From Around The World - Very cool. Maybe I should go to one of these to get my Ultros from Final Fantasy VI tattoo. [Buzzfeed]

The 10 Worst Rock Tattoos - Awwww, Starland Vocal Band? They suck! [The FW]

The Biggest And Most Ridiculous Celebrity Hair Of The 80s. What Were They Thinking? - Uh, that having your hair like this in the 80s is a great way to get ladies to sleep with you in the 80s? [FARK]

25 Things You Didn’t Know About ‘Network’ - If Moviefone wants to turn IMDB trivia pages into articles they need to get cracking, there’s a great thing about Tom Selleck as Indiana Jones just DYING to be common knowledge. [Moviefone]

The Jon Hamm Problem: You Can’t Be Handsome And Funny. Pick One. - At first I was like, “well, at least now I know why I’m not handsome”. Then I wondered, “what if I AM? Oh god I’m not funny” and then I jumped out of a window. [Pajiba]

CagePotato Tribute: The Failure To Intimidate - I’m going to parody this and talk about the failure to Elimidate. Worth it for the Gina Carano On The Scales photo. [Cage Potato]

By way of our friends at Big League Stew comes a fantastic idea — getting a “World Champs 2011″ tattoo on your chest when your favorite baseball team has just blown two one-strike-and-we’re-out opportunities in Game 6 of the World Series. Everything’s bigger in Texas, they say, including the embarrassing life choices.

A brief explanation (not really) from the BLS tipster:

My friend had this done before Game 7. Maybe you can show the world how big of an idiot he is, or just a die hard fan.

Their report wonders aloud whether or not the guy originally got his Dallas Mavericks championship when the Mavs went up 2-0 in 2006 and whether or not the “world champs” tag is applicable to a team that just won North America’s baseball championship, but after looking at this guy’s quarter-chest and seeing it plastered with corporate logos and designs you’d see on inspirational ribbons at the Dollar Tree, yeah, I’m gonna go with “idiot”. Or maybe he’s the local sports fan equivalent of the guy from Memento and gets sh*t like this tattooed on himself so he can remember it in the morning. He should carry around a Polaroid of Ron Washington with “don’t believe his lies” scribbled at the bottom.

My favorite sports team having a racist logo and my favorite pro wrestler murdering his family has taught me well of the dangers of sports tattooing. If you really want to show your support with an impulse buy, Academy Sports has a huge rack of TEXAS RANGERS WORLD SERIES 2011 shirts on clearance right now, and they come with the added bonus of being able to take them off.