Ladies man and the reigning best college basketball coach in the state of Kentucky and beyond, Rick Pitino, is a man of his word. That word? Tattoo. That word elaborated? Pitino told his Louisville Cardinals during the 2012-13 basketball season that if they won the National Championship, he would get a tattoo to commemorate the occasion. Sure enough, The Ville prevailed and became the 2013 Men’s Basketball Champions, and Louisville senior associate athletic director Kenny Klein Tweeted the above image this morning.

Not to be outdone, a still drunken “Papa” John Schnatter stormed into the tattoo parlor and shouted, “You think yer f*ckin cool or something, Pinocchio? I’ll get a f*ckin tat right on my balls that says, ‘F*ck Kentucky!’ because I’m the biggest f*ckin Looooville fan in the world. I drive a f*cking Camaro, bro, you don’t even know! Yo, tattoo guy, put an eagle on my d*ck!” And then he passed out in a puddle of vomit that looked like garlic butter dipping sauce.

Back in March, an Alabama Crimson Tide fan named Harvey Updyke Jr. was sentenced to at least six months in jail for admitting that he poisoned the famed trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner, and I’m sure that Tigers fans everywhere were none too pleased about that light verdict. After all, those trees are so-called miracles, as they’ve grown and thrived for so long despite the fact that they can be harmed by the slightest changes in weather. They’re like nature’s Jose Reyes.

But what was so unique about their survival was that the surrounding environment of the Auburn campus actually kept them alive. That is, until Updyke dropped some Spike 80DF on them and pitifully ended their amazing legacy. To best understand what the loss of these trees has meant to Auburn and its surrounding community, ESPN.com recently re-ran Wright Thompson’s essay on the trees as a parallel for our own lives and the struggles that Auburn faces as a school in the SEC, but is that poetry enough?

Not for Giancarlo Guida, an Auburn alum and diehard fan who had Toomer’s Corner tattooed on his back. And I suppose the first question is, “Why?”

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Photo credit: Everywhere On The Internet

If you missed this yesterday, it’s a photo of Texas A&M quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Johnny “Football” Manziel sporting a suspicious-looking Texas Longhorns tattoo on his ribcage. Your first thought is, “this can’t be, Johnny Football would never get the Longhorns logo tattooed on his body!” Your second thought should probably be, “well, I don’t know, it IS Johnny Football, and it’s not like the rest of his tattoos are high art.” If you told me “Johnny Manziel has a butterfly with a tiger’s face in the wings tattooed on the back of his neck” I’d probably believe you.

Anyway, Johnny wrote an impassioned explanation of the situation in the editorial section of yesterday’s New Yorker, professing his love for the Aggies and promising his fans that he’ll never … wait, sorry, I got my notes mixed up. He did this:

Of course, Twitter has two ends (the asshole and the other asshole), so the conversation didn’t end there. Some fans (“fans”) started being Twitter People to Johnny about the photo, and because John Football is the type to register for online classes to avoid going to college with other college students, he handled it delicately.

Here are a few of his interactions with the world of Trollgaze:

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It’s Friday, which means we’re all tired and ready to go home. It also means that we’re more open to ridiculing people similar to ourselves (sports fans) who have made horrible life decisions, because what’s wrong with you, we’re just trying to lay low and go home.

I’ve been trying to figure out which of these is worse — the guy who got the Miami Heat logo and the word “LeBron” shaved into his head, or the guy who got a Pittsburgh Steelers Terrible Towel” tattoo on his shoulder. You know, so it looks like he’s got a towel on his shoulder. FOREVER.

Let’s compare and contrast them:

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Last night, while trying to sort through political arguments among people I follow on Twitter so I could focus on what the social media site was actually intended for – porn stars lobbying for people to vote for their Fleshlight – I noticed a Tweet from Yahoo!’s Jay Busbee about a woman who informed him about the new ink of Dale Earnhardt that she just got, as you can see in the banner image. It’s actually a little unclear, so I’ll let Jay explain it.

Screw the debate, you MUST see this tattoo on @lisa88fan of Dale Sr. looking down the stairway to heaven on Dale Jr.

That’s right, that is a full back tattoo that depicts a stairway to Heaven with Dale Earnhardt, Jr. looking up at his father, who is surrounded by either clouds or angels. Either way, that’s a pretty immense show of loyalty to one specific NASCAR brand. But then, I wouldn’t expect anything else from a woman who has “Nascar Girl” tattooed on her shoulder blade, as well as a butterfly and the moon on the other side.

Oh, and it doesn’t end there, friends. This woman also has an Earnhardt tattoo on her leg that she shared on her Twitter account.

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Here’s the explanation for why a guy would get “I SLEPT WITH SHAQ” tattooed across his face, in case you don’t know about “gonzo journalism”.

[The] tattoo across his forehead truly seals his gonzo credentials. Removing his Raiders cap, he displays it, sprawled in oddly formal cursive: “I Slept With Shaq.” He got the ink during a contest for Lakers NBA Finals tickets in 2001, a challenge presented by Power morning-show DJ Big Boy. Gonzalez showed the handiwork to Shaq — who was impressed — and Big Boy soon gave him a job at the station.

First bit of advice: don’t try to get a job from anyone named “DJ Big Boy”. (via The Basketball Jones)

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Links

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