I’m not sure where the line between “embarrassing yourself on the Internet” and “embarrassing yourself in real life and having people talk about it on the Internet” is drawn, but last night’s episode of Tosh.0 featured a Web Redemption for Steve Consalvi, the then-high school senior who ran out onto the field during a Phillies/Cardinals game last season and got compromised to a temporary end by a security guard’s taser.

Of course the Daniel Tosh idea of redeeming the kid is to have him pretend to f**k a transvestite prostitute (who is then killed), because “I hate black people” and “I hate women” were too hard to work in. It’s still pretty funny, if you stick around for the X-Men Origins: Wolverine ending. Check out the full video below.

Well, it’s not exactly the Afro Ninja pulling off a backflip, but what can you do? I feel like his “web redemption” should’ve been apologizing for being a teenager and watching a baseball game in peace.

I’m really loathe to call anyone on this planet an idiot–especially one that happens to make my morning a little bit easier, but I have to question the motivation of this guy, who seemed to think that he could just run around onto the field and wave his little towel for the entire night. Sir, what exactly is your endgame here? Were you just looking to get tackled in shallow center field by guys that you pissed off by actually forcing them to chase you? Those guys hate running, man. You know they’re not going to be in a good mood when they get to you.

And then he got tased, and this might have been the first time I’ve watched a guy get tased on video and been satisfied with it. Is it “tased?” Tasered? Let’s go with “tased,” which is still better than getting hit in the face by Mike Curtis. Video’s after the jump. Come on in; the water’s great. Read the rest of this entry »

Blytheville, Arkansas police were searching for a 'Travis Henderson' who had failed to appear in court on a reckless driving charge, when they discovered a man who answered to that name. Naturally, they Tasered him. Unfortunately, as Memphis News Channel 3 reports, it was the wrong man:

[Police] stopped the wrong 'Travis Henderson' simply because one of the officers recognized him either from school or from his Special Olympics fame. "(3 On Your Side) DID (YOUR OFFICERS) CHECK THEIR BIRTHDATES?" "(Blytheville Police Chief Ross Thompson) They actually did, and they found they were very similar." "(3 On Your Side) BUT NOT THE SAME." "(Thompson) But not the same."

Still, the wrong Henderson did resist arrest:

3 On Your Side obtained the Taser cam footage of the incident . . . There is an exchange of words between Henderson and Officer Ward: "(Officer Ward) O.K., don't resist…" "(Henderson) O.K." "(Officer Ward)…'cause you're gonna get Tased." "(Henderson) I'm not…" A few seconds later, Henderson screams as he receives a single "drive-stun," a low-level burst of electricity.

To be fair, this guy did have same name of the suspect. Most metropolitan police forces would have arrested him just because he fit the description. He was between 5'0" and 7'0", over 12 years of age, and African-American. -KD

{Thanks to 100% Injury Rate.}     

The Chilean U-20 soccer team brawled with Toronto Police late Thursday after Chile's 3-0 loss to Argentina in their FIFA U-20 World Cup semifinal match.  Apparently, the lads from Chile took exception to the referee's issuance of yellow cards during the game in which Chile received 9 to Argentina's 2.  They went after the refs following the game, but police guided the arbiters to safety.  But then, at the team bus:

"Next thing you know, the bus just unloads and there's eight, 10 players come off the bus and there's just fists flying everywhere, between the cops, the security guards, a couple of ladies were involved that were security," said reporter Nathan Denette. "It looked like a big dogfight. People throwing fists and cops with their billyclubs out and then all of a sudden it got out of control."

This international incident between Canada and Chile (that little phrase made me laugh too) has been exacerbated by Chilean officials' claims that Toronto police used excessive force, such as this complaint:

"They hit me with an electrical current and I fainted,'' player Isaias Perralta told Chilean media. "When I regained consciousness, I saw 10 police officers were hitting me and throwing acid in my face.''

Holy shit, acid?  Man, that takes me back to '68 Democratic National Convention in Chicago —  good times.  Of course I wasn't there in '68, but the boys from Santiago and points beyond may want to remember how old Mayor Daley responded to claims that the CPD had acted too aggressively: "The police aren't there to create disorder, they're there to preserve disorder." -KD

2 free tear gas canisters to The Offside. 

Miami Dolphins defensive lineman Frederick Evans had a rough Saturday morning:

Frederick Evans, 23, was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct, resisting with violence, and trespassing, police said.  According to police and a cab driver, this is what happened: The defensive tackle, who smelled of alcohol, climbed into Dieudonne Telfort's cab on Washington Avenue and lied down in the back seat.  After Evans threw up, he took a swing at Telfort but missed.

Telfort reportedly asked, "Where-a adt tu?"  Heh, Quick Change is a hilarious film. But only after a thorough baking.  Anyway, Evans went on to bite a police officer:

Officers ordered Evans to get out of the cab, but he refused, and officers proceeded to place him under arrest. Evans allegedly began cursing at them as they were handcuffing him, then took a swing at one of the officers.  One officer was bitten on his left wrist and suffered several bruises; another had scrapes and bruises on her left knee, police said.

Freddy was probably hungry; he had just ralphed.  I'm always starving for flapjacks after dispatching the residue of evil the morning after a bender.  Mmm, flapjacks. 

The officers then used their Tasers on Evans, but the shock did not immediately subdue the 6-foot-4 Dolphin, according to the arrest affidavit. The officers called for backup as Evans grabbed a bicycle locked to a signpost. Officers told him to let go; he wouldn't. He was Tasered again, and finally taken into custody. Meanwhile, a crowd of onlookers gathered on the sidewalk. Traffic was snarled.

They should add a Taser resistance section to the NFL Combine as it would be a great aid to our men and women in blue.  I can see why public attention was transfixed on this event because it's not every day a professional athlete is arrested on Miami Beach.  It only happens about 4 times a week. -KD

(Free flapjacks for Hugh B. Brown for the tip.)