A month ago, Devil Rays rookie Elijah Dukes marched into the school where his wife teaches and flipped out to the extent that a sheriff's deputy had to show up and ban him from the property.  And that's one of their nicer exchanges, according to his wife, Nishea Gilbert Dukes.

[Gilbert] told the court in another filing [for a restraining order] Thursday that her husband threatened to kill her and sent a photo of a handgun to her cell phone.

She played the St. Petersburg Times a voice mail message she said was from Dukes: "You dead, dawg," says an angry voice. "I ain't even bulls——-. Your kids, too."

Ah, the blessed union of holy marriage.  To halve and to choke-hold, as long as the bitch still lives.  Might want to get a sitter for the kids, though.  Because he's not even bullshitting.

Also see: Deadspin and the FanHaus, the latter of which has the extended quote: "Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls——-. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N—–, all I know is, n—–, when I see your m—–f——- a– riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your m—–f—— house." Aww, young love!  It's like that sugary chick flick Domestic Disturbance.

Not only does today's New York Times profile Alan Jaeger, a yoga instructor who works with major league pitchers and pitching prospects, but the St. Petersburg Times reveals that the Devil Rays have scheduled yoga classes for three days a week throughout spring training. What gives? Do baseball players now need, what, some kind of crazy Eastern philosophy that, what, improves their flexibility and concentration? Pfft. That's not manly.

“It’s August, September, October,” Jaeger said. “It’s the ninth inning. You’ve got to finish. Come back to this moment. Come back to this breath.”

It was actually early February, in a small tae kwon do studio in the San Fernando Valley. Outside, children laughed on a playground. In a back room, an agent talked on his cellphone. But the pitchers could not have been more still if they were on the rubber.

“They’re in a trance,” Jaeger whispered.

A little part of me wants to congratulate major leaguers for embracing a new regiment that is likely to improve their performance. A much larger part of me wants to kick Alan Jaeger in the ribs. Come back to this breath, punk.

Sorry, didn't mean to get your hopes up – Jon Gruden will be coaching the Buccaneers for the foreseeable future.  We're talking about Tampa Bay's other professional team.  No, not the Lightning, the Devil Rays.  They seem to have lost their sympathy for the Devil:

After considering a complete change of identity to mark the end of their first decade, team officials apparently will instead drop the Devil and keep the Rays.

"We haven't made a final decision, but we are leaning toward the direction of a change in uniform, a change of colors, a change in logo and perhaps a slight modification of the name," team president Matt Silverman said. "But it's unlikely we will have a dramatic change in the name."

That decision represents something of a compromise, allowing the team to maintain what brand identity it has and connections, such as with the new rays tank while exorcising the devilish connotation that some find objectionable.

That's all well and good for the God-fearing residents of Tampa/St. Pete, but they'll wish they kept the Devil when Bud Selig ships the franchise to Sin City.  Television and radio ratings are higher for the Yankees in the area, and it seems that the lights become dimmer every year at the the worst venue in MLB.  You will see one of these teams in Las Vegas soon:

1. Newtons
2. Pit-Bosses
3. Rat-Packers
4. Skimmers
5. Ray-Jays (Johnson)
6. Croupiers
7. Out-of-State Weekend Strippers

Of course, I could be wrong, and it may be good that TB is shedding Old Scratch.  Maybe Al Qaeda will stop rooting for them then. -KD