Most MLB teams stay at the Vinoy Hotel when they go to play the Devil Rays, which many players say is… haunted!

After listening to teammates talk endlessly about the haunted hotel, young pitchers Chad Billingsley and Jonathan Broxton said they experienced weird occurrences in their rooms that couldn't be explained. However, neither would discuss the episodes Sunday. It's stupid," said Billingsley, who reportedly heard his toilet flush numerous times while he was in another room. "It's not worth talking about."

Other major leaguers and former major leaguers who have been spooked at the Vinoy include Jim Fregosi, Cito Gaston, Billy Koch, Gerald Perry, Scott Williamson, Jay Gibbons and Brian Roberts. Some Pittsburgh players were so frightened that they checked out of the hotel and stayed with a teammate's family when the Pirates were in town four years ago.

Who are these ghosts?  Judging by the way they ineffectively haunt marginal, forgettable major leaguers, I'd say they're the Ghosts of Devil Rays Future.  You just don't get that kind of mediocrity from other major league ghosts.

Elijah Dukes has had an exciting couple of weeks, what with his now ex-wife getting a restraining order against him and the claim that he impregnated a 17-year-old foster child.  And now his ex-wife is doing radio interviews!  Huzzah!  Of course, I don't like listening to people talk, but The Big Lead used up some of the minutes in his life to listen to the whole thing, and he's compiled some highlights:

* Dukes has been diagnosed as bi-polar and is a ‘good husband when he’s on his medication’

* She’s trying to figure out which 17-year-old slept with her ex-husband, because ‘those girls have kept my children before’

* Elijah’s most frequently-used pickup line is: ‘I want you to have my baby’ and he follows that up with ‘Can I be your first baby daddy?’

Hmmm… I'll have to try that one.  My old stand-bys of "I'd like to give you chlamydia" and "I will pay you for sex" just haven't been panning out for me recently.

When I got home from the shittiest game in NBA Finals history last night, I had about twice the normal amount of email I usually have after a couple hours away from the ol' thinkin' machine. Then I took a close look at the subject lines — Elijah Dukes strikes again; Dukes again; Elijah Dukes keeps on givin'; Elijah Dukes is setting up franchises; Elijah Dukes Lovechild; More baby mama drama for Elijah Dukes — and I wondered if, just maybe, Elijah Dukes had done something of interest.

And indeed he has: Dukes allegedly impregnated a 17-year-old foster child who at the time was living with his step-grandmother. (A foster child?  Dukes is a genius!  Those teenagers don't have parents who get all pissed off when you give 'em a little attention.)

The girl, expected to give birth Nov. 5, told investigators she and Dukes had consensual sex on the living room sofa. She said Dukes got angry when she and another person confronted him about the pregnancy. "Yeah, we sat down and told him and he got mad and threw a Gatorade at me," she told investigators.

Oh, c'mon now.  It probably wasn't even one of the big Gatorades you drink when you're hung over.  Elijah was just bullshittin'.  He usually lets you know if he means otherwise.

The Devil Rays' long and storied legacy of losing strengthened its culture of futility with an improbable loss to the Blue Jays last night.  Up 11-6 heading into the ninth, the D-Rays executed a near-impossible collapse, managing to get just one out while allowing six runs to score.  Although Casey Fossum took the loss, the real hero is Tim Corcoran, who threw 14 pitches and walked the final three batters of the game (the first two intentionally) to seal the defeat.

"You would like to think we could get three outs with a five-run lead," Tampa Bay manager Joe Maddon said.

Joe Maddon?  Isn't he the lead singer of Good Charlotte?  No wonder the D-Rays suck so hard.

Other MLB scores: Mariners win fifth straight game.  Wait, what?… D-Backs beat Giants in 10 as Barry Bonds sits with shin splints.  Strange: he's usually so durable… Red Sox muster only three hits in shutout against A's; game too shitty to celebrate Dice-K Day at With Leather… Padres grab first place with 1-0 win over Dodgers.

NiShea Gilbert, the Nubian beauty you see here and the wife of Devil Rays rookie Elijah Dukes, has received a one-year protective order and filed for divorce from the outfielder, thus ending America's love affair with their love affair.  And by "their love affair" I mean "death threat voice mails."  But by America's love affair I genuinely mean love affair.  As we close the books on this modern-day Camelot, let's look back — just one last time — on some of Elijah's sweet nothings to his bride:

"Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls——-. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N—–, all I know is, n—–, when I see your m—–f——- a– riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your m—–f—— house."

Fare thee well, NiShea.  I doubt you can find another handsome prince like Elijah or me, but I wish you luck nonetheless.

As for Dukes?  He's just doing his thing, man.  Besides cussing out reporters and getting a game-winning hit, he was also arrested this week for marijuana possession after a traffic stop.  It is unclear whether he was on his way to NiShea's m—–f—— house at the time.

Elijah Dukes has gotten plenty of attention lately, from the allegations of threatening to kill his wife (he ain't even bullshittin, dawg) to the foul-mouthed brush-off he gave Tampa reporters.  But there's also the little issue of him delivering the game-winning hit in the bottom of the ninth against the Tigers last night.  Dukes singled home two runs with the bases loaded to cap the D-Rays' comeback from a 5-2 deficit, proving yet again that athletes can do whatever they want as long as they excel on the ball field.  As well it should be.  Pro athletes are better than us and deserve to live above the law.

Meanwhile, in the Tigers' clubhouse, baseball genius Jim Leyland somehow is still using Todd Jones as the closer to blow games.  I simply don't understand.  Can no one else on that team grow an effective closer mustache?

Other MLB stuff: Adrian Beltre hit two home runs and two doubles, and Ichiro extended his hitting streak to 21 games as the Mariners beat up Bartolo Colon and the Angels 12-5… Kyle Lohse threw a complete game shutout to prevent the Reds bullpen from blowing another game, as Cincinnati snapped a six-game losing streak by beating the Pirates… the Red Sox (35-15) keep winning, the Yankees (21-28) keep losing, and everything that Orlando Cabrera said about Yankees fans, in my experience (with a few exceptions), is true.