Normally, posts about Taiwan animation sports recaps are pretty straight-forward; Tim Tebow gets literally crucified, a newborn baby flies out of a womb with a handgun or Queen Elizabeth beats a kangaroo to death with a baseball bat. You know, the usual.

With Election Day right around the corner, our pals in Taiwan (and the uncredited nerds and graphic designers in Los Angeles who probably write and actually animate these things on the reg) have gone the extra mile. Instead of simply posting a bunch of videos of Barack Obama riding a tiger into a circus tent and tearing up a bunch of binders full of women, Next Media Animation has crossed over into the video game world and allowed you to control the U.S. Presidential candidates via their grim, violent, barely-drawn avatars.

Not content with showing wacky re-creations of world events, Next Media Animation is now getting viewers into the action.

The “Obama vs Romney Boxing Faceoff” game, released in time for the US election, lets viewers feel the ‘deep affection’ the candidates have for each other. The interactive online experience lets anyone become either President Obama or Governor Romney for a satisfying smackdown of the opponent in a virtual boxing ring. (via NMA.tv)

It’s like that old game where you could beat up Barney the dinosaur, only in 2012 for some reason, featuring people who will control the world. Who cares about the loss of our privacy and freedoms or a rollback on women’s rights when you can get 5-20 seconds of mild enjoyment out of a crudely done, virtual Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots? THIS IS HOW WE ROLL. And in all honesty, I’m surprised Taiwan didn’t whip out this concept for Hurricane Sandy. That thing got memed to death, and I would’ve enjoyed punching an anthropomorphic New York City subway system in boxing gloves.

Anyway, because I don’t have time to make a photo-realistic Romney and Obama in WWE ’13 before tomorrow morning, you can get more information about the game here, and watch a hype video below. They never touch, but their eyes are connected by lightning! AMERICA!

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Taiwan Animation covered Europe’s unlikely Ryder Cup comeback in their usual way — with afros, morphsuits and people from the United States dressing like Uncle Sam at all times. The actual story:

Europe won a remarkable 8.5 points of 12 available against the US in the final day’s singles to snatch a remarkable comeback win in the 39th Ryder Cup held at Medinah Country Club in Chicago, Illinois.

Taiwan’s version includes ghosts and suits of armor. Sometimes I wish real life was just Taiwan Animation. Then I remember how many people get slaughtered in them.

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A Guide To The Many Different Looks Of The Very Good Looking Jon Hamm |UPROXX|

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The Master Fact-Check: Can you make moonshine from paint thinner? |Film Drunk|

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‘NBA Live ’13′ Finally Gets A Mercy Killing |Gamma Squad|

The Relationship Between Jay-Z & The Notorious B.I.G. |Smoking Section|

What To Expect At The Cowboys Victoria’s Secret Store |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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We’ve made no secret of our appreciation of pole dancing as a sport in the past, from coverage of international pole dancing competitions to Chicago Bears fan busting their asses to the superstar athletes at Rick’s Cabaret and their appreciation of this site. Unfortunately, as with most exciting fads, it was only a matter of time before pole dancing as a form of exercise was taken too far, and we can thank the free-wheeling party animals of Vancouver for taking something so beautiful and making it so dirty.

The Twisted Grip dance studio on Vancouver Island has become a global laughing stock because of a special pole dancing class that it offers… for children. Gee, how could anyone have a bad opinion about this great idea?

Twisted Grip owner Kristy Craig told QMI Agency she’s shocked by the amount of negative attention the story has received.

“It’s nothing new,” she said, noting pole-dancing competitions are already offered in Russia and the UK “People need to really look into it before jumping to any conclusions about what I’m offering.” (Via Sun News)

Fair enough, I’ll give her that. And besides, the parents have to make the actual decision to sign their daughters up for this class, so it’s really on them to change the negative perception.

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Elijah Earnheart, a six-foot tall, 297-pound 12-year-old from Mesquite, Texas, has been banned from his Pee Wee Football league for being too big. The Pee Wee league has a rule that states any 7th grader exceeding 135 pounds can not play, but must play in the school league with older kids instead.

Also, he RIPS OFF THEIR HEADS. (via NMA World Edition)

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Links

The Undertaker Goes Shopping For A Baseball Bat: More Wrestler Run-Ins |Deadspin|

21 MMA Ring Girls Who Have Posed Nude: A NSFW Celebration |Cage Potato|

The 15 Most Cringe-Worthy Scenes From ‘The Newsroom’ |Warming Glow|

10 Bands That Should Be On ‘SNL’ This Season |UPROXX|

Batman Rumored To Be Rebooted Only Two Years From Now In ‘Justice League’ |Gamma Squad|

Ten NYC Rappers Who Will Bring The Big Apple Back |Smoking Section|

The 10 Best Moments From The Fourth Episode Of Dolphins ‘Hard Knocks’ |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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As if Aremenian boy barfight MMA wasn’t bad enough, today’s big mainstream news story tackles the next step down on the boyfighting evolutionary ladder … three awful, awful Delaware women were arrested and charged with assault, reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a child and conspiracy for organizing what is more or less a toddler fight club. No, seriously. They lined up kids at day care, made them punch each other and taped it with their cell phones.

Here’s the report from CNN, which Nancy Grace has been masturbating to since yesterday afternoon.

Authorities have not released the video but say one day care worker said “No pinching, only punching” after one of the boys complained that the other had pinched him.

The video purportedly shows seven other children seated in the room with their backs to the fighting, according to police.

“It’s not like they didn’t know what was going on, and they were just encouraging them to continue,” [Dover Police Captain] Stump said. “One of the children attempted to run, but one of the teachers pushes him back into the fray.

I don’t know if it’s the rise of Tyler Durden, an increased awareness of dogfighting or too many Pokémon games, but apparently we have to make everything fight everything else now. One of the creepiest parts of the story is that the women made the other kids line up with their backs to the fighting and wait their turn, which is either the most gladiatorial or Blair Witch Project thing I’ve ever heard.

A Division Of Family Services spokesperson says the women “could be prohibited from working in the public sector, especially with children or senior citizens”, because I guess “make them fight each other on camera and then shoot them all into the sun” isn’t something the Division Of Family Services can organize.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the only people who’d be more interested in this than Nancy Grace (Taiwan’s Next Media Animation) have already whipped up a piece about the story. Yes, it contains bloody, slow-motion uppercuts.

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As you might’ve guessed, I get my Olympics updates exclusively from Samuel L. Jackson and Taiwan’s Next Media Animation, and so far I know more than I ever expected to about MUGGAFUQQUAHS and panda bears shooting up Chinese swimmers with comically-oversized steroid needles.

Today’s offering from Carol and whoever else is a beautifully animated recap of the Olympics feud between Australia and their “former colonial masters” Great Britain. Predictably enough, Australia’s not good at the Olympics because they’re too busy catching Fosters cans with boomerangs, having sex with sheep and letting dingoes run away with their babies. But hell, I don’t want to spoil it all for you.

Check out the video below:

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