Want this now, please and thank you.

How many times have you been stuck in traffic after work, listening to nothing but terrible sports talk radio and, even worse, the growls of your hungry stomach? “Man,” you’d think to yourself unless you’re a girl, “What I wouldn’t give to be home right now, sinking my teeth into a juicy steak while my babe tells me how her pole dancing class went.” But all the while, you’d just keep glancing over to the car next to you, wondering why in the hell someone put wood paneling on the side of a f*cking PT Cruiser. Well, what if I told you that you never have to go hungry in your car again?

Thanks to an Australian radio show host named Merrick Watts, the world was given its first “Carbeque” back in November, as the automobile and grilling fanatic combined his two loves to turn the trunk of his 1973 Ford Langau into a full-blown BBQ grill. And to make it all even better, Watts had the car painted and detailed to look just like the “Last of the VB Interceptors” from Mad Max, because why the f*ck wouldn’t you do that?

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One of the NFL’s many official sponsors, Prilosec OTC has a new campaign called “A Better Way to Tailgate” to help fans avoid eating and drinking things that will give them heartburn, and that’s cool, because I suffer from heartburn a lot and I appreciate a billion dollar pharmaceutical company trying to knock the chili dog out of my fat mouth.

But to really hammer home their point, the makers of Prilosec have hired Larry the Cable Guy to travel to NFL games and interact with fans, because he is apparently also a frequent heartburn sufferer and he represents the average, blue collar NFL fan. Larry, whose real name is Dan Whitney, attended Thursday night’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cleveland Browns, as well as yesterday’s Baltimore Ravens-Indianapolis Colts game.

And I could get into some long rant about how much I can’t stand Larry or how I’d be irate if my team was letting him run around in a jersey or wave a Terrible Towel, but nobody can ever break down the mystique of Larry’s success better than the late Greg Giraldo.

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