I can’t decide what my favorite part of TABLE TENNIS SURPRISE is — the amazing return shot, the guy who loses’ stunned reaction and awed sportsmanship, or the fact that it sounds like the worst side dish ever. “Here honey, we’re having pot roast, green beans and Table Tennis Surprise.” (via NESN)

Programming Note: Biggest-ever thank you to Burnsy, Danger Guerrero and Maske for holding down the fort yesterday. My return from New Orleans went from “I’ll work in the morning and then leave” to “I’ll leave super early because the Megabus says they have WiFi WHOOPS THE MEGABUS IS LYING, ENJOY 12 HOURS OF TRYING TO WRITE WRESTLING JOKES ON YOUR PHONE” and it delayed the Raw report. That’s coming today. Sorry for any inconvenience. I’ll be happy to send you a refund.

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Links

Rejected Viagra Commercials Are Real And They’re Spectacular |UPROXX|

Talking To Jacob Pitts About ‘Justified,’ How Tim Sees Raylan, And ‘EuroTrip’ |Warming Glow|

Wesley Snipes & Diamond Dallas Page as zombie-fighting cowboys |Film Drunk|

Move Over Danica Patrick, The Daytona 500 Is All About Christmas Abbott |With Leather|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

10 De La Soul Songs Everyone Should Know |Smoking Section|

NFL Logos With A Wee Touch Of The Brit |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Here’s the Best Table Tennis Shots Of 2012, and it’s a doozy. Behind the back! Under the table! I wish I was as good at anything as these guys are at ping pong. Or, I don’t know, not. (via Bob’s Blitz)

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- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
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Links

Lindsay Lohan Paid Off The IRS With A Loan From Charlie Sheen, As One Does |Warming Glow|

Anyone Wish They’d Gotten This Crocheted Dwarf Helmet For Christmas? |FilmDrunk|

Got An iPad For Christmas? It’ll Be Obsolete In Three Months |UPROXX|

Here Are Some Of The Best Pop Culture Inspired Christmas Gifts Shared On Reddit Today |UPROXX|

Why On Earth Would Chad Johnson Suddenly Have A Sex Tape? |With Leather|

Jalen Rose On His Close, But Complicated Bond With Chris Webber |The Smoking Section|

Funny, Sexy, And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week |Gamma Squad|

Meast And Least For Week 16 |KSK|

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One of my favorite news updates from The Onion, besides the one about the “ask murderer,” is Ping-Pong Somehow Elicits Macho Posturing. Now, thanks to table tennis player and apparent Internet reader Adam Bobrow, that story has become reality.

Bobrow went Full Gangnam Style after scoring a point in the Chancellor Cup in Manila, The Philippines. Maybe if his opponent hadn’t been balls-deep in a Carly Rae Jepsen Flip camera parody video himself, he would’ve seen a ping pong ball flying at him. Bobrow’s excuse:

I was invited to do an exhibition match that was filmed by the national news… I thought you guys would enjoy this. By the way, BIG thanks to my partner in this exhibition… my “opponent”… Peter Francisco! He’s a much better player than me and has a great attitude! Playing with him was an absolute pleasure.

Translation: “I won at ping-pong, so I did a horsey dance and shook my junk around until somebody made me stop. Deal with it.” It’s officially the greatest moment in table tennis history, assuming that stuff with Forrest Gump wasn’t real.

Video is after the jump.

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Honestly it’s less “Paralympics ping pong dive” and more “guy falling down during ping-pong”, but it’s clutch, and further proof that I’m 100% terrible at sports with four functioning limbs. (via Bob’s Blitz)

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- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
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Links

Breaking Badass Power Rankings: ‘Gliding Over All’ |Warming Glow|

12 Too Good To Be True Viral Photo Hoaxes|UPROXX|

Arnold Schwarzenegger bought a totally reasonable-sized car |Film Drunk|

News Story Of The Year: Man Tebowed After Pushing Kid From Tractor… Or Did He??? |With Leather|

5 Problems The ‘God Of War’ Movie Will Face |Gamma Squad|

Coming Attractions: Nike Holiday 2012 Releases |Smoking Section|

Receiver Brady Photoshopkkake |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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"Siri, remind me to watch the MAHGFAQQINN LYMPICS."

One of the strangest and most precious gems from this weekend was discovering that Pulp Fiction slash The Avengers slash Star Wars slash everything else star Samuel L. Jackson loves the 2012 Summer Olympics and can’t stop tweeting about them.

It’s important to stress that this is not a parody, and that these are real tweets from @SamuelLJackson. They cover everything from handball to sync diving to Malaysian badminton, all with Jackson’s contractually obligated tendency to shoehorn curse words into anything he’s saying. The guy works in “f**k” like Jackson Pollock worked in drip. He spells it however he wants, puts it wherever he wants whether it makes sense or not and sometimes ends up with a mangle of consonants because he’s SAMUEL L. MARGHFAGGUIN JACKSON.

Normally I’d want to provide some kind of commentary or context for these, but that’d be like touching a baby bird. Two major warnings before you proceed:

1. These tweets may contain harsh language, and reader discretion is advised.

2. These tweets may contain language you did not know existed.

Please enjoy 20 of the best Sam Jackson tweets from this weekend, and join us every day between now and the end of the Olympics for 20 more.

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Funny Or Die has done a lot of things to warm my heart — pissing off Tom Brady, making Kris Humphries call himself a douchebag and threatening to kill Blake Griffin with a miniature puppet version of himself — but none have made me quite as happy as watching 1996 Olympic gold medalist and pro wrestler Kurt Angle trying to get back into the 2012 games.

The best part is that it’s based on real events … the 43-year old Angle tried his best to make the 2012 team, but came up short due to hamstring and knee injuries. Actually, I take that back. The BEST part is watching him Angle Slam a badminton player through a totally unexplained freestanding table and/or bashing a fencer in the face with a steel chair. God knows I would’ve been one of those random wrestling fans who showed up with signs to watch Kurt Angle play table tennis if I could’ve been.

Video is below. It’s more Funny than Die, but there’s a lot of dying going on anyway.

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