Anyway, if you’re one of the 700,000,000,000 who’ve descended upon my grand home town of Austin, Texas, for SXSW, I have two points of business for you:

1. Pick up your trash. I mean, seriously, Jesus, what were you, raised on a barn? We aren’t Philadelphia.

2. Any chance you’d like a pair of complimentary tickets to the world premiere of Summer League, the softball kickball film featuring With Leather editor-in-chief Brandon Stroud in not one, but TWO roles, just for being a With Leather reader?

Here’s your chance, friend. The film premieres on Monday, March 18, at the Alamo Drafthouse Slaughter Lane (5701 W. Slaughter Lane), red carpet and all, and the showing is completely sold out. However, I wear a duck mascot costume for a portion of the film and therefore have hella pull and can snag you a pair of tickets.

Here’s all you have to do … shoot the film’s director, Lex Lybrand, a message on Twitter. Tell him that you’re a fan of @WithLeather and you want to see his flick. There are only two tickets to be had, so he’ll do a random drawing based on whoever’s messaged him on … let’s say, Friday, and let you know if you’re the winner. Then boom, you’re at the red carpet premiere high-fiving a dude you know from a sports blog, watching a great little movie made by some passionate locals.

Oh, and if you haven’t seen me in my duck costume, hold on to your butts:

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This is how I’ve felt for the last month. April’s just gonna be a bunch of puppies sleeping videos. (via MPViral)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

Which Action Star Has Inspired the Worst Video Games? Another (Sort of) Scientific Study - I was hoping ‘Rambo’ for the NES would get some love. That game isn’t any fun, but I always want to be playing it for some reason. [Gamma Squad]

10 Things We Learned At SXSW 2012 - #11. Get robot legs, because you aren’t 20 anymore. [Smoking Section]

Discussion Post and Poll: What Is Your Favorite Network Sitcom Besides ‘Community’? - I like ‘The Big Bang Theory’. I also like cupping my hands, farting into them and trying to scoop it into my mouth before the flavor dissipates. [Warming Glow]

All Of Our Favorite Parts Of Aziz Ansari’s Reddit AMA - Not reading this is a huge Oh No No. [UPROXX]

Belvedere Vodka Hoping To Sell Vodka With Rape Jokes, Apparently - They really missed the boat by not getting Bob Uecker to be their spokesperson. He’s got experience selling alcohol, knows Belvedere personally and wouldn’t rape people. [UPROXX]

This Week in Posters and Stills - The Dark Shadows posters are amazing and should just be bright white circles with actor names over them. [Film Drunk]

Scumbag Pets - My cat won’t stop dunking his entire arm into any glass of water I pour, does that count? [Buzzfeed]

11 Amazing Translation FAILS - This should just be 11 attempts by Armond White to review Lost In Translation. [HuffPost Comedy]

Watch Wes Anderson’s Sony Commercial Featuring Adorable Robots - Okay! [The FW]

You Can Do Side Bends Or Sit-Ups But Please Don’t Lose That Butt. “Mad Men” Is Back - ‘Mad Men’ is the best show since Seinfeld to be about nothing and have nothing ever happen. I’m happy to have it back, I just wish it was an hour of Pete Campbell. [Pajiba]

Ten Video Games Viewed From a Different Perspective - Number 11 is about the time I tried to play Skyrim while lying upside down on the couch. I might as well be trying to solve astrophysics quandaries. [Unreality]

Batman Was Pulled Over In a Lamborghini Gallardo In Montgomery County, Maryland - Great, now the Penguin is going to destroy Camden Yards and nobody will be there to stop him. [Brobible]

That song makes everything funnier.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

UPROXX Live Q&A With ‘Archer’s’ Amber Nash And Lucky Yates, AKA The Voices Of Pam Poovey And Doctor Krieger - “Is Lucky your real name, or do people call you that because of the time you slipped in pee-pee and got a structured cash settlement?” [UPROXX]

Here’s The Mitt Romney/Eminem Mashup You’ve All Been Waiting For - On the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down. [UPROXX]

5 Artists You Missed At SXSW While Waiting In Line To See Rick Ross - Rick Ross should’ve performed all four seconds of his verse from ‘Monster’, threw up his hands, yelled “THANK YOU AUSTIN” and disappeared. [Smoking Section]

Michael Bay And Michaelangelo Respond To The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Kerfuffle - “Relax, friends, I’m working with a guy in a TMNT shit from Hot Topic and he and I think aliens are awesome, so shut up. The first draft of our script is just the words ‘green explosion’ written on 150 sheets of paper.” [Gamma Squad]

Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch would like to report a Ninja Turtle sodomy - Meanwhile, ’3J’ from ‘Family Matters’ would like to report that he is extremely hungry. [Film Drunk]

5 Bleak British Television Series That Will Kick In Your Pretty American Teeth - ‘Fawlty Towers’ should be on here, that sh*t was bleak. Poor Basil Fawlty can’t get one second of peace in his entire life. [Warming Glow]

The Cast Of “American Pie”: Then & Now - This is just an excuse to juxtapose Tara Reid photos, isn’t it? Also, Shannon Elizabeth needs to start aging somewhere other than the neck. [Buzzfeed]

Kimmel Unveils Rick Santorum-Approved Pornography - Not looking forward to this guy being President and me having to masturbate with a handful of gravel. [HuffPost Comedy]

Modern-Day Icarus - Not interested in seeing this guy’s contraption again unless he’s plummeting down a cliffside during a mission in Red Dead Redemption. [High Definite]

10 Skateboarding Sneakers For People Who Can’t Stand Skateboarders - My awesome David Otunga-style argyle Vans better be on here somewhere. [Brobible]

16 Celebrities With Mustache Eyebrows - The Internet, ladies and gentlemen. [The FW]

And now, to cleanse your palate, here are 12 links about Peyton Manning.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

News Anchor Drops F-Bomb When She Hears That Peyton Manning Will Sign with Broncos - Not as funny as the eventual follow-up, “Tim Tebow drops f-bomb in church when he hears God has forsaken him”. [Brobible]

Careful What You Tebow For - When I Tebow, I like to Tebow for world peace. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Video: Tyler Honeycutt Baptizes Michael Beasley - I’m guessing this also has something to do with Tebow? [Smoking Section]

Best of Mechanical Bull Fails - I love that HuffPo thinks “not successful riding the mechanical bull until the end” is a “fail”. He slowly slid off! LOL! [HuffPost Comedy]

Everything These Drunken Dumbass Brothers Needed to Know About MMA They Learned From a Chuck Liddell Highlight - Advice: do not attempt to recreate anything you’ve ever seen in your own backyard. [Cage Potato]

Michael Bay says new TMNT will be “edgy, lovable, aliens” - Michael Bay’s only interpretation of science-fiction is “aliens”. He should remake the Twilight Zone and have ever ending just be “aliens”. [Film Drunk]

Our 30 Favorite Wondercon Cosplay Photos So Far - Every year they should retire one costume from cosplay rotation. This year it should be The Joker. Actually, that should’ve been every year for the past 20 years. [Gamma Squad]

Sofia Vergara Is the Deserved Cover Girl for the Sex Issue - At least in a still photo you can’t hear her yell “JYAYYYYYYY, JYAYYYYYYYY”. [Warming Glow]

The Best Of #Roger Sterling - “Being in blackface once, getting robbed once and emotionally harassing Joan all the time” memed onto a picture of him having a heart attack. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: A House For Lions, Youngblood Hawke And The Workaholics House Party - Or, “how I spent my Friday afternoon”. A very tight butthole gallery. In fact, the only loose butthole aspect of the day was the complete lack of Jillian. [UPROXX]

This Liquor Store Has The Best Signs - Finally, someone’s taken the concept of funny church signs and applied it to the secular world. [Buzzfeed]

Every Itchy & Scratchy From The Simpsons - 48 minutes of your time well spent, especially when it gets to the Poochie parts in the middle. [NextRound]

5 British Shows That Will Please the “Downton-Abbey” Loving Old Lady Within You - I was hoping “Oh Do Behave!” was on the list somewhere. [Pajiba]

Seriously, I walked by that thing and suddenly knew how to use tools.

Burnsy and Danger Guerrero have been handling things for me while I’ve been Nike Fuelin’ it around Austin for SXSW, but I’m back today, so expect a lot of things that have nothing to do with sports people enjoy. I’ve got a lot of South By shows to recap, but I don’t have to actually go anywhere today, so Skyrim With Leather promptness, here I come!

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

Funny, Sexy, And Austin Cosplay of The Week: SXSW Screenburn Arcade - It’s not exactly “watch a singer-songwriter play in a church”, but I got to take pictures of nearly naked guys dressed like Zangief, so read that. [Gamma Squad]

SXSW Screenburn Arcade Spotlight: The Unexpected Genius Of Minicore Studios - Imagine if Angry Birds had a crazy backstory where the yellow bird has schizophrenia. That’s these guys. [Gamma Squad]

UPROXX @ SXSW: Skateboarding And Dodgeball At The Nike Fuel Lot - Sports also happened! If I hadn’t had strict “go see Ingrid Michaelson” orders that I gave myself I would’ve taken pictures of the Livestrong run, too. [With Leather]

UPROXX @ SXSW: Quiet Company At The Main - This is one of those bands that can bang a wooden spoon against a Speak & Spell and make it sound beautiful. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: TeenGirl Fantasy And Star Slinger Pitchfork Showcase At The Mohawk - Wherein I share the building where I watch Anarchy Championship Wrestling with 200 people who read Pitchfork. The word “sonic” is used 75 times. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: David Liebe Hart Band At The Jr - This is the show recap the Corinnians read again and again. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: Skrew At The Jr - I still feel weird typing that headline. One day I hope they put “influential industrial metal” on my tombstone. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: Fiona Apple At Stubb’s - Not ashamed to say I waited in line like 2 1/2 hours to be front row for Fiona Apple. Now if only The Cardigans would show up at South By, I’d have my two favorite almost cool female singers from the 90s in one place. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: Action Bronson And DaVinci At Lustre Pearl - Aside from maybe The Black Belles, this is the guy I left SXSW wanting to see again the most. More rap songs about Barry Horowitz, please. [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: Andrew WK And Screaming Females At Bar 96 - Set list spoiler: he played a bunch of songs about partying. You knew I’d end up at the vegan-something party, didn’t you? [UPROXX]

UPROXX @ SXSW: Motion City Soundtrack At Clive Bar - Pretty sure either “Brick” or “Mortar” left me a negative comment on this one. In response to his question, I’m not really qualified to be doing anything. [UPROXX]

Burnsy and Danger Guerrero have been holding down the fort while I’ve been wandering around Austin looking for Mark Henry covering the sights and sounds for UPROXX and Gamma Squad, but I finally stumbled onto something sports related: the impromptu Nike Fuel Lot in the middle of downtown, wherein you can play sports, watch people take pictures of people playing sports and get a free t-shirt.

The lot has been a meeting point for Livestrong running groups all week, but I managed to get down there on Wednesday to earn my girlfriend’s shirt with 100 Fuel points of activity. See, Nike’s new Fuel Band doesn’t just measure running, like the old Nike Plus … it measures EVERYTHING, from basketball, push-ups and jumping jacks to skateboarding and dancing around like an idiot. Anything athletic, except for swimming, and as I’ve learned the hard way, doing your dishes.

I earned something like 4,000 Fuel points trying to get from one concert to the other (and not wanting to pay the bike rickshaws twenty bucks to take me 10 blocks), but my favorite 100 earned were here. Check out a few of the pictures, and stay for the technicolor freakout at the end.

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