Happy October 19th! Season 4 of NBC’s woefully-undersupported-by-anyone-without-a-Tumblr ‘Community’ begins tonight!

To celebrate, this week’s Sports On TV column looks back at the 20 greatest sports moments from the show’s first three seasons. It’s a confusing mass of spaceships and ‘Glee’ slams and paintball epics, and it’s absolutely worth revisiting and celebrating.

Here’s the best way to enjoy tonight’s premiere: read this column. Click the like button. Share it on Reddit or Facebook or Tumblr (especially Tumblr). Drop a comment in the comments section about your favorite episodes, moments, quotes and character pairings. Come up with a fun name for them (suggestion: StarPelt). Flip through the 20 greatest sports moments dozens of times over the next few hours. Then, totally forget that ‘Community’ actually comes on television and decide to watch it on Hulu tomorrow morning. Because guess what? That’s the only way ‘Community’ has ever worked.

Please enjoy ‘Community’s’ 20 Greatest, Streets Ahead Sports Moments.

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Chances are that if you know who Jasmine Waltz is without having to Google her, then you’re either a fan of “celebrity” sex tapes or you’re way too involved with David Arquette’s private life. But I won’t blame you for the latter, because he is, after all, a former WCW Champion, so he deserves our respect. I assume, though, that you wouldn’t know Waltz from a Megan Fox impersonator at your cousin’s awesome bachelor party, so here’s a rundown of her résumé:

Quick backstory on Jasmine Waltz. She is an aspiring actress and has dated, hooked up with, or has been linked to David Arquette, Zac Efron, Chris Pine, Ryan Seacrest, Jesse McCartney, Doug Reinhardt and Vinny from “The Jersey Shore.” And those are just the easily Google-able guys, there are probably more secret hook-ups. But we don’t blame them, she’s hot. Like Megan Fox hot!

Apparently she has a type: FAMOUS. (Via Hollyscoop)

And as you can see from that banner pic, she does look a lot like Fox, so that’s probably why all of those young, horny celebrities have been tripping over themselves to spend a romantic evening with her. As I also mentioned, she has a sex tape out there thanks to a sweet $60,000 deal that she signed with Vivid back in 2011, and that means that she has zero vertical talent.

So what the hell am I bringing her up for today? According to Hollyscoop, swimming-legend-turned-poker-pro Michael Phelps is now dating Waltz after he broke up with his Las Vegas waitress and model girlfriend, Megan Rossee.

I have to be honest, if you had told me that a gold medalist swimmer was going to be losing a ton of money by playing professional poker while dating high maintenance, gold-digging models, I would have guessed Ryan Lochte 10 times out of 10. Is it possible that Lochte is actually smarter than Phelps? It sure seems that way. But Phelps is definitely having more fun in the meantime.

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Yesterday, for no apparent reason, Olympic gold medalist swimmer and future Academy Award-winning actor Ryan Lochte gave his Twitter followers a huge gift when he announced that he’d be answering their questions for “#AskLochte” once again. Once Lochte Tweeted, “Let’s go!”, the gates were opened wide for his fans and critics alike to ask the most important, thought-provoking questions they could think of to get inside that complex brain of his. Questions like:

Hey @ryanlochte, is it true that you turned down The Bachelor because ABC doesn’t allow orgies? #AskLochte

— Ashley Burns (@MayorBurnsy) January 17, 2013

For one whole whopping hour, Lochte really gave us a glimpse into what makes that beautiful face of his operate. After the jump, I’ve included some of the best questions that people asked, as well as the questions that Lochte actually answered. And for some extra poops and giggles, I’ll let my favorite South Park characters walk us through it.

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And I say HEY! What a wonderful time of day! Where you can learn to work and play, and read the first Sports On TV of 2013: the 20 greatest sports moments from PBS Kids’ ‘Arthur.’

‘Arthur’ is about the mostly-educational adventures of Arthur Read, an 8-year old aardvark who … well, learns to work and play and get along with the people in his hometown of Elwood City. Arthur started as a series of children’s books by author and illustrator Marc Brown, and eventually became a cartoon so popular it has over 1.1 million likes on Facebook and is the longest-running children’s animated series in the U.S., second behind only ‘The Simpsons’ as the longest-running animated series in the U.S. period. It’s also full of sports, and sometimes I like to write things on my comedy sports blog that my girlfriend will enjoy.

If you don’t already love ‘Arthur’ and have no interest in flipping through this list, listen to the opening theme, included below. If you can listen to the entire thing and not sing it for the rest of the day, I’ll let you off the hook.

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Candice Swanepoel and Doutzen Kroes of Victoria’s Secret fame are swimming, and swimming is a sport, so here you go. Also, it’s January, and I’m willing to listen to an entire Bruno Mars song to make this happen. More like Candice Swimmingpool, am I right? (via High Definite)

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Links

Immerse Yourself In The Infinite Wisdom Of Raylan Givens |UPROXX|

That’s Just Wrong, Internet: It’s Robert Griffin III’s Knee Injury In Meme Form |With Leather|

Netflix Adds 8 New TV Shows, Some Of Which You Might Actually Watch |Warming Glow|

Sam Jackson also thought the ending of Lincoln sucked, in case you were wondering |Film Drunk|

Five Non-Blockbuster SF Movies To Look Forward To In 2013 |Gamma Squad|

Azealia Banks, Angel Haze Go Tit For Tat On Twitter, New Diss Songs |Smoking Section|

Peyton Manning Is A MacBook, According To Bernard Pollard |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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This week on Sports On TV, we tackle the horror/comedy/drama/everything else of ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer,’ the 1997-2003 hit that catapulted Avengers director Joss Whedon into public consciousness, gave Sarah Michelle Gellar seven more years of television success and adapted a semi-forgotten Kristy Swanson movie into a layered, sometimes absurd and always worth-talking-about cult classic.

And yeah, believe it or not, Buffy had more than 20 great sports moments. I was originally going to supplement the list with a few ‘Angel’ moments (personalized hockey jerseys for babies!), but I revisited the show, re-watched several of my favorite episodes and found so many things to talk about I could barely fit it into a part 1.

If you’re a fan of vampires, good television or magical axes that give teens the power to kick through somebody’s chest, you’ll love this week’s column. Please click through to enjoy my picks for ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s’ 20 greatest sports moments.

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