In what has quickly become my favorite With Leather-inspired hobby yet – not counting dumpster diving outside Kate Upton’s apartment – I tried to broaden the horizon of TWiOESM by including a little bit of everything. Originally, I wanted to make this all about the Los Angeles Kings winning the Stanley Cup and the Miami Heat and Oklahoma City Thunder battling for the O’Brien Trophy, but that’s not fair to the rest of you that need pictures of WWF wrestlers printed on dictionary pages.
Speaking of, I received my Ultimate Warrior dictionary pages in the mail this week and they are pretty much the coolest thing I’ve ever spent $5 on. Needless to say, I’ve got my eyes on a few new things this week, starting with one of my all-time favorites – Legos.
When I was in high school, I tried to saw a surfboard in half and turn the pieces into bookshelves to impress a girl. What I didn’t know was that A) sawing a surfboard in half is freaking ridiculously hard without the right saw and 2) I was a moron and girls hated me. So I was left with two worthless, jagged halves of a surfboard and a newfound burden of poor taste for kitschy decorating that has stuck with me today. What’s that? Hell yeah that original Peaches Records crate would look awesome in my living room!
The other day I was doing my random web surfery when I came across a post on Environmental Graffiti that brought me back to that awkward day in my garage with that rusty saw blade and 47% chance of ripping my ring finger to pieces. It seems there are actually other people out there who know what they’re doing when it comes to salvaging surfboards, skis, snowboards, bikes and even bowling balls and making something useful and creative out of them.
God help me if these images of genuine creativity reignite my desire to turn crap into treasure, resulting in a trip to the emergency room. After all, a man can’t write d*ck jokes with 9 fingers.
Feminist Jay-Z Is In A Respectful State Of Mind - I appreciate what Jay is trying to do and don’t think we should make fun of it, but Sweet Cooch Brown having the “bombest personality in town” is really funny. P.S. why didn’t you start respecting women when you met your wife? [UPROXX]
NBA Laboratory: Can LeBron Do It All By Himself? - More entertaining and thematically accurate than anything LeBron has done in real life. Robert Awful would be proud. [SB Nation]
Summer Roberts Will Rock Your Pap Smear - I don’t care how pretty Rachel Bilson is (and she’s extremely pretty), being Zach Braff’s worst movie girlfriend and spending 15 years on White People Problems The Show isn’t a cool way to convince me you’re good at things. You’d have less haters if anything you did was good, ever. [Warming Glow]
The Awesome Terminator And Transformers Cosplay Of Peter Kokis - This guy’s thought process is great. “Oh wow, cool, giant robots. I need to DRESS LIKE THEM.” [Gamma Squad]
My 5 Favorite Rapper Cameos On “Chappelle’s Show” - Mos Def is the best rapper cameo on anything, but that could be my undying love for Def Poetry showing. [Smoking Section]
Frotcast 83: Wahlberg-gate, Carnage, & Theater Stories with Comedian Matt Louv - Hey Mark Wahlberg, I wouldn’t masturbate either if I got to meat-kiss teenage Reese Witherspoon in the 90s. Put your life into perspective. COME ON COME ON. [Film Drunk]
Valentine’s Day Advisory: The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag - I need to start using that dismissive wank gif. Just all the time, post stories about the Kardashians or Bieber dunking on Shaq or Baron Davis or almost anyone that brings page traffic and it’s nothing but the wanking gif. [KSK]
35 Unforgivable Facebook Statuses - Some of these took my breath away. I didn’t know a Facebook status could make you facepalm in real life. [Buzzfeed]
The Funniest Twitter Reactions To Rick Perry’s Exit - The best reaction to Rick Perry’s exit is smiling and loving yourself, because you aren’t the kind of person who supports Rick Perry and live in a world where he doesn’t get to be President. Eat a dick, Rick Perry. [HuffPost Comedy]
7 Eerily Accurate Rob Lowe Tweets - He is, literally, God here. [The FW]
Ever Wonder What Snooki Would Look Like Without Makeup? - I think she looks way, way better. Huge upgrade. She looks her age, and doesn’t look like something from Ghoulies. [FARK]
Enjoy the Awesome Introduction Video for the O’Neill Girls 2012 Surf Team - I will! [Brobible]
‘Sh*t Nobody Says’ And Providing Closure For A Played Out Meme - Closure, or an opening for someone to make a Sh*t Kate Upton Says that is nothing but here going LOL I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN TAKING PICTURES and sends it to me. [UPROXX]
Kate Upton Did Something Fun With Kids - Speaking of America’s Best Girl, here’s a picture of Kate putting her lips on a trophy. Not pictured: me collapsing and writhing around on the floor. [With Leather]
10 Television Series that Outstayed their Welcome - This is a pretty definitive list, if only for that last season of Roseanne. Scrubs outstayed its welcome the second time Zach Braff scrunched his face up and looked up and to the left to show us he’s “remembering”. [Warming Glow]
Hustle Blood: Big Boi’s 20 Best Guest Appearances - My favorite Big Boi appearance is on the Coors Light ads by the escalators in Tower City Mall you had to look at when you parked there to go to Indians games. [Smoking Section]
Stephen Colbert May Join The Race For The Republican Presidential Nomination - I’d vote for him, not because he’s funny, but because he could legitimately do a better job than most of these whack-jobs. [UPROXX]
DROP EVERYTHING! The new Bill Murray/Wes Anderson has a trailer. - YESSSSSSS. Wes Anderson is like crack to me, I don’t care if everything he does is “the same”. It isn’t, and he rules. [Film Drunk]
Repeat After Me: “I Will Not Take Tax Advice From Trina Or Any Rapper” - Once I tried to make a Sprite can disappear in my mouth. I thought she was just telling me to drink a lot of Sprite. [Smoking Section]
The Five Comics of the New 52 You Must Be Reading - The worst part of trying to make comic book jokes is that you can’t make up a fake premise like “a gritty reimagining of Crazy Quilt!” or “a five part mini-series revealing the origin of Paste Pot Pete” because somebody who writes comics has actually already done it thinking it would be funny/ironic/awesome. Somebody let me write comics, for Christ’s sakes. [Gamma Squad]
The 10 Boldest Comedians Of Our Time - Dat Phan! He does his Grandma’s voice! She’s Asian! [Buzzfeed]
12 Stars Who Got Their Start on ‘One Life to Live’ - I don’t want to fully out myself here, but All My Children or GTFO. [The FW]
Side-by-Side Comparison of Average-Sized Woman with a Supermodel Will Blow Out Your Mindhole - I appreciate this, but suggesting that any sized woman is “average sized” is pretty condescending. I’m sure the naturally skinny girl reading this feels great about being abnormal. [Pajiba]
Epic Surf Video: Biggest Teahupoo Ever, Shot On the Phantom Camera In Stunning HD - I can’t get any more sales-pitchy than that headline, so go watch this. At one point he wipes out because of a mystical tiki. [Brobible]
A Gallery of Comic-Con in 1980 - Now THIS is awesome. This is what you should be doing with your time, Internet, finding and sharing sh*t like this. [Unreality]
Save this show, seriously, if that’s a thing any of us can do.
The 90 Best Tumblr Blogs Of 2011 - Pretty sure Buzzfeed has readied at least five of these lists a day for the entirety of December. [Buzzfeed]
The Five Most Awesome Games On a Graphing Calculator - The way we were advancing the technology in AP Calculus back in the day, I figured they’d be playing Mario Kart on those things by now. Whether or not you think graphing calculators are cool is the truest sign of uncoolness. [Gamma Squad]
Perez Hamilton Is The Best Perez Hilton Parody Tumblr EVAR!!! - Totally funny and run by a cute girl from Disney, proving that cute girls from Disney are our greatest asset and can do anything. [UPROXX]
The 10 Television Actresses You Were Most Likely to See Naked in 2011 - I don’t know who convinced Hollywood’s agents that movies are a terrible place to get naked and you have to CGI your breasts but TV is fine. “Next season calls for 19 scenes of buttf**king, that sound like something you’d be interested in?” “SHOAR!” [Warming Glow]
The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 12/5: Zack Ryder All Day Everyday - If you missed it, scroll down one post and read it. Important things are happening with this column! [With Leather]
Do The Source Magazine’s 5 Mics Still Matter? - I guess the white people equivalent to this would be “does Sushi-X’s GamePro score still matter?” And the answer is no, no it doesn’t. [Smoking Section]
Guns, Horses & Insecurities: Reporting From the Set of True Grit XXX - The XXX parody people should delve deeper into John Wayne’s filmography. I mean, The Shootist is probably the easiest thing to porn parody ever. [Film Drunk]
The Cello Skills Are Strong With This Star Wars Fan Video - “This Babylon 5 Fan Is Great At Playing The Recorder”. [Gamma Squad]
The Dozen Funniest Death Scenes In Otherwise Serious Movies -Titanic tops this list for me. I still break out the PUH PUH PUH PUH PROMISE ME RUH RUH RUH ROSE every now and then. [FARK]
Ranking Television’s 10 Best Boobs - Exactly what you think it’s gonna be, but yes, there is also a picture of Alison Brie. [Pajiba]
Time for the X-Men to Get Minimalist - Look at this yellow square! It’s Forge! [Unreality]
The Five Worst Surfing Wipeouts of 2011 - At least three of them were caused by a cursed tiki. [Brobible]
Artist Spots Hidden Animals In Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa - Somewhere in the world Dan Brown just scrolled through our Morning Links, went OH SH*T WHAT and started hyperventilating and scribbling in a notebook. [High Definite]