Now that Manute Bol is dead, this record may never be broken. (via Sportress)

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Introducing The With Leather Interactive Awesome Celebrity Baseball Fan Tracker |With Leather|

7 Early Frontrunners For 2012′s ‘Song of the Summer’ Distinction |UPROXX|

Woo Woo! Let’s Celebrate ‘Cougar Town’s’ TBS Renewal with Laurie Keller’s Best GIFs |Warming Glow|

5 Reasons Sony’s Financials May Mean The End Of the PlayStation |Gamma Squad|

Underwear-clad man stabs computer with samurai sword because it was full of child porn |Film Drunk|

Question Of The Day: Should There Be A Two-Year Minimum For NBA Eligibility? |Smoking Section|

The 10 Best Swansonisms From ‘Parks & Rec’ Season 4 |UPROXX|

Virgin America Wins The Prize For Today’s Best Tribute To Adam ‘MCA’ Yauch |UPROXX|

Did Chris Brown Call Rihanna A Garden Tool? |Smoking Section|

17 new images from Prometheus |Film Drunk|

The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim |With Leather|

Awesome Dad Makes Geeky Pancake Art For His Kids |Gamma Squad|

Alison Brie Made Balloon Animals, Discussed Nude Massages Last Night |Warming Glow|

30 Times Rihanna Stuck It To The Man |Buzzfeed|

The Way You Do Things in Public vs. in Private |College Humor|

25 Funny Mother’s Day Quotes From Comedians |HuffPost Comedy|

The Amazing Spider-Man is releasing “super previews” now |Fark|

The 6 Worst Movie Trailers in Recent Memory |Pajiba|

Guy Gets Job By Putting His Face On Billboard |Guy Speed|

Five Movies that Could Break The Avenger’s Opening Weekend Record |Unreality|

How to Launch Yourself into the Stratosphere Using an Airbag|Brobible|

The Civil Wars Cover ‘Billie Jean’ Live |High Definite|

When I was in high school, I tried to saw a surfboard in half and turn the pieces into bookshelves to impress a girl. What I didn’t know was that A) sawing a surfboard in half is freaking ridiculously hard without the right saw and 2) I was a moron and girls hated me. So I was left with two worthless, jagged halves of a surfboard and a newfound burden of poor taste for kitschy decorating that has stuck with me today. What’s that? Hell yeah that original Peaches Records crate would look awesome in my living room!

The other day I was doing my random web surfery when I came across a post on Environmental Graffiti that brought me back to that awkward day in my garage with that rusty saw blade and 47% chance of ripping my ring finger to pieces. It seems there are actually other people out there who know what they’re doing when it comes to salvaging surfboards, skis, snowboards, bikes and even bowling balls and making something useful and creative out of them.

God help me if these images of genuine creativity reignite my desire to turn crap into treasure, resulting in a trip to the emergency room. After all, a man can’t write d*ck jokes with 9 fingers.

(Image via Flickr/Dave Williams)

(Image via Flickr/Sandy Su)

(Image via Kelly Ludwig)

(Image via Flickr/Jan Meng)

(Image via Rebecca Palumbo)

(Image via Flickr/AMPion Photography)

(Image via Flickr/Todd Lappin)

(Image via Flickr/Lena Vilseskogen)

(Image via Flickr/Jane Wagner)

(Image via Flickr/Chris Symonds)

(Image via Flickr/Matt Murphy)

(Image via Flickr/BnG Photos)

via UnathleticMag.

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Feminist Jay-Z Is In A Respectful State Of Mind - I appreciate what Jay is trying to do and don’t think we should make fun of it, but Sweet Cooch Brown having the “bombest personality in town” is really funny. P.S. why didn’t you start respecting women when you met your wife? [UPROXX]

NBA Laboratory: Can LeBron Do It All By Himself? - More entertaining and thematically accurate than anything LeBron has done in real life. Robert Awful would be proud. [SB Nation]

Summer Roberts Will Rock Your Pap Smear - I don’t care how pretty Rachel Bilson is (and she’s extremely pretty), being Zach Braff’s worst movie girlfriend and spending 15 years on White People Problems The Show isn’t a cool way to convince me you’re good at things. You’d have less haters if anything you did was good, ever. [Warming Glow]

The Awesome Terminator And Transformers Cosplay Of Peter Kokis - This guy’s thought process is great. “Oh wow, cool, giant robots. I need to DRESS LIKE THEM.” [Gamma Squad]

My 5 Favorite Rapper Cameos On “Chappelle’s Show” - Mos Def is the best rapper cameo on anything, but that could be my undying love for Def Poetry showing. [Smoking Section]

Frotcast 83: Wahlberg-gate, Carnage, & Theater Stories with Comedian Matt Louv - Hey Mark Wahlberg, I wouldn’t masturbate either if I got to meat-kiss teenage Reese Witherspoon in the 90s. Put your life into perspective. COME ON COME ON. [Film Drunk]

Valentine’s Day Advisory: The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag - I need to start using that dismissive wank gif. Just all the time, post stories about the Kardashians or Bieber dunking on Shaq or Baron Davis or almost anyone that brings page traffic and it’s nothing but the wanking gif. [KSK]

35 Unforgivable Facebook Statuses - Some of these took my breath away. I didn’t know a Facebook status could make you facepalm in real life. [Buzzfeed]

The Funniest Twitter Reactions To Rick Perry’s Exit - The best reaction to Rick Perry’s exit is smiling and loving yourself, because you aren’t the kind of person who supports Rick Perry and live in a world where he doesn’t get to be President. Eat a dick, Rick Perry. [HuffPost Comedy]

7 Eerily Accurate Rob Lowe Tweets - He is, literally, God here. [The FW]

Ever Wonder What Snooki Would Look Like Without Makeup? - I think she looks way, way better. Huge upgrade. She looks her age, and doesn’t look like something from Ghoulies. [FARK]

Enjoy the Awesome Introduction Video for the O’Neill Girls 2012 Surf Team - I will! [Brobible]

In yesterday’s morning links I posted a “Hitler reacts to the Broncos beating the Steelers” video and joked

Somebody make “Sh*t Tim Tebow Says”!

Well thanks, Internet, I guess. It even features him talking about Chuck Norris. I’m gonna go lie down. Via Mentality Magazine.

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Links

‘Sh*t Nobody Says’ And Providing Closure For A Played Out Meme - Closure, or an opening for someone to make a Sh*t Kate Upton Says that is nothing but here going LOL I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN TAKING PICTURES and sends it to me. [UPROXX]

Kate Upton Did Something Fun With Kids - Speaking of America’s Best Girl, here’s a picture of Kate putting her lips on a trophy. Not pictured: me collapsing and writhing around on the floor. [With Leather]

10 Television Series that Outstayed their Welcome - This is a pretty definitive list, if only for that last season of Roseanne. Scrubs outstayed its welcome the second time Zach Braff scrunched his face up and looked up and to the left to show us he’s “remembering”. [Warming Glow]

Hustle Blood: Big Boi’s 20 Best Guest Appearances - My favorite Big Boi appearance is on the Coors Light ads by the escalators in Tower City Mall you had to look at when you parked there to go to Indians games. [Smoking Section]

Stephen Colbert May Join The Race For The Republican Presidential Nomination - I’d vote for him, not because he’s funny, but because he could legitimately do a better job than most of these whack-jobs. [UPROXX]

DROP EVERYTHING! The new Bill Murray/Wes Anderson has a trailer. - YESSSSSSS. Wes Anderson is like crack to me, I don’t care if everything he does is “the same”. It isn’t, and he rules. [Film Drunk]

Repeat After Me: “I Will Not Take Tax Advice From Trina Or Any Rapper” - Once I tried to make a Sprite can disappear in my mouth. I thought she was just telling me to drink a lot of Sprite. [Smoking Section]

The Five Comics of the New 52 You Must Be Reading - The worst part of trying to make comic book jokes is that you can’t make up a fake premise like “a gritty reimagining of Crazy Quilt!” or “a five part mini-series revealing the origin of Paste Pot Pete” because somebody who writes comics has actually already done it thinking it would be funny/ironic/awesome. Somebody let me write comics, for Christ’s sakes. [Gamma Squad]

The 10 Boldest Comedians Of Our Time - Dat Phan! He does his Grandma’s voice! She’s Asian! [Buzzfeed]

12 Stars Who Got Their Start on ‘One Life to Live’ - I don’t want to fully out myself here, but All My Children or GTFO. [The FW]

Side-by-Side Comparison of Average-Sized Woman with a Supermodel Will Blow Out Your Mindhole - I appreciate this, but suggesting that any sized woman is “average sized” is pretty condescending. I’m sure the naturally skinny girl reading this feels great about being abnormal. [Pajiba]

Epic Surf Video: Biggest Teahupoo Ever, Shot On the Phantom Camera In Stunning HD - I can’t get any more sales-pitchy than that headline, so go watch this. At one point he wipes out because of a mystical tiki. [Brobible]

A Gallery of Comic-Con in 1980 - Now THIS is awesome. This is what you should be doing with your time, Internet, finding and sharing sh*t like this. [Unreality]

Save this show, seriously, if that’s a thing any of us can do.

Links

The 90 Best Tumblr Blogs Of 2011 - Pretty sure Buzzfeed has readied at least five of these lists a day for the entirety of December. [Buzzfeed]

The Five Most Awesome Games On a Graphing Calculator - The way we were advancing the technology in AP Calculus back in the day, I figured they’d be playing Mario Kart on those things by now. Whether or not you think graphing calculators are cool is the truest sign of uncoolness. [Gamma Squad]

Perez Hamilton Is The Best Perez Hilton Parody Tumblr EVAR!!! - Totally funny and run by a cute girl from Disney, proving that cute girls from Disney are our greatest asset and can do anything. [UPROXX]

The 10 Television Actresses You Were Most Likely to See Naked in 2011 - I don’t know who convinced Hollywood’s agents that movies are a terrible place to get naked and you have to CGI your breasts but TV is fine. “Next season calls for 19 scenes of buttf**king, that sound like something you’d be interested in?” “SHOAR!” [Warming Glow]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 12/5: Zack Ryder All Day Everyday - If you missed it, scroll down one post and read it. Important things are happening with this column! [With Leather]

Do The Source Magazine’s 5 Mics Still Matter? - I guess the white people equivalent to this would be “does Sushi-X’s GamePro score still matter?” And the answer is no, no it doesn’t. [Smoking Section]

Guns, Horses & Insecurities: Reporting From the Set of True Grit XXX - The XXX parody people should delve deeper into John Wayne’s filmography. I mean, The Shootist is probably the easiest thing to porn parody ever. [Film Drunk]

The Cello Skills Are Strong With This Star Wars Fan Video - “This Babylon 5 Fan Is Great At Playing The Recorder”. [Gamma Squad]

The Dozen Funniest Death Scenes In Otherwise Serious Movies - Titanic tops this list for me. I still break out the PUH PUH PUH PUH PROMISE ME RUH RUH RUH ROSE every now and then. [FARK]

Ranking Television’s 10 Best Boobs - Exactly what you think it’s gonna be, but yes, there is also a picture of Alison Brie. [Pajiba]

Time for the X-Men to Get Minimalist - Look at this yellow square! It’s Forge! [Unreality]

The Five Worst Surfing Wipeouts of 2011 - At least three of them were caused by a cursed tiki. [Brobible]

Artist Spots Hidden Animals In Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa - Somewhere in the world Dan Brown just scrolled through our Morning Links, went OH SH*T WHAT and started hyperventilating and scribbling in a notebook. [High Definite]

A ton of stuff happens in the sports world each week and there are only two of us here to try to scoop up as much as we can and shove into all into your eyeballs like an ocular smoothie of awesome. So of course we’re bound to miss a few things here or there. For instance, did you know former WWE diva and current George Clooney love interest Stacy Keibler went golfing on her vacation from standing still and looking hot? See, this is the kind of stuff we shouldn’t be missing out on.

Thankfully, I keep a few hundred folders of random sports photos on my computer to cover up my incredible collection of adult anime stills, and I figured that we could clear a few of them out with this new weekly feature, the Wednesday Wild Card. Today we’ll pay a visit to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and see what he did to prepare for his loss to the New York Giants, while David Beckham signs some autographs, Kim Kardashian and Matt Millen cry, and the World Series of Poker pays out again.

Please hold your applause until the end.

(Images via Celebslam, The Daily Mail, Reuters, the AP and Getty.)

I, for one, am appalled that she wore jean shorts while golfing.

Tom Brady took a bike ride with his family before Sunday’s game against the New York Giants. It’s nice that his dog is as coddled as he is.

Does it ever suck to be David Beckham?

Surfer Garrett McNamara reportedly recently rode a record-breaking 90-foot wave near Portugal during the ZON North Canyon Project 2011, whatever that is. Question: after you ride a wave like that, do you have to go out and find the girls you will be sleeping with or are they automatically sent to you?

Kim Kardashian spent a few days in Minnesota trying to make it look like she was reconciling with her husband, Kris Humphries. But now her mom PR team announced that the divorce is real and she’s devastated. The good news is that she started filming for Tyler Perry’s upcoming cash cow, The Marriage Counselor, and all of his fans are going to boycott the film because of her. This is all going great.

Linda Hogan, that old woman who took all of Hulk Hogan’s money in a divorce and then wrote a book that accused him of being gay, has broken up with her 20-something-year-old boyfriend, whose name I will never learn. So if you’re looking for a single woman with a boatload of cash and a Florida lifestyle, then look no further.

Chelsea goalie Petr Cech fractured his skull a few years back, causing him to have to wear a helmet while he plays. This past weekend he broke his nose against Blackburn so now he has to wear the above mask in addition to the helmet. In between games, he will be locked in the Tower of London.

If there’s one bright ray of comedic sunshine coming from this Penn State scandal, it’s Matt Millen crying on SportsCenter when talking about Jerry Sandusky, his former coach. I can never feel sympathy for Millen, nor can I ever take him seriously as a football analyst.

Also, he’s Jewish.

Also also, he’ll squat on your face.

Charlie Sheen is currently filming A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swann III, and I guess he gets to pretend that he’s a baseball player in it. I assume this means he called Brian Wilson over for another hooker party.

I was told these women are Brazilian. Step it up, Brazil. You’re slacking.

Great, hipsters.

Aside from Kaninhop, the Wife Carrying Championship is probably my favorite event of the year and I completely missed it this year.

Germany’s Pius Heinz defeated the Czech Republic’s Martin Staszko to win the $8.7 million top prize at this year’s World Series of Poker. Heinz said that he was ready to quit poker to attend college before winning the main tournament. He may be German, but his story is truly American.

This past weekend was about legends. It was about honoring the old guard and celebrating one sport’s superstars. As you can obviously tell from the banner image, that sport is dog surfing. On Saturday, the 6th annual Surf Dog Surf-A-Thon competition took place in Del Mar, California, and the event, hosted by the Helen Woodward Animal Center, raised more than $100,000 for orphaned pooches. And I like to imagine that they all live in a really cool surf academy called “Surf’s Pup!” because that would be awesome.

The star of the weekend was Buddy, the 14-year old Jack Russell terrier, who not only became the first dog inducted into the Surf Dog Hall of Fame, but also won his fifth Surf-A-Thon title. He’s like the Boston of dogs.

“That last heat was probably the best of Buddy’s life,” Bruce Hooker, Buddy’s owner, said during the ceremony.

(Via Ohmidog)

Adding: “But it still wasn’t as good as the heat he got from those poodles after the event, AMIRIGHT?” Who doesn’t love a good dog sex pun?

Other highlights included the first-ever dog surfing world record, which was set by Australian Kelpie Abbie’G when she rode a wave 65-freaking-yards, as well as a failed attempt for most dogs on one surfboard. Better luck next year, adorably terrified dogs!

(Images via Getty and Reuters.)

Who says that September 11 has to be a downer? This Sunday, as we all settle into our couch grooves for another season of NFL action, an event of epic proportions will be taking place in Del Mar, California. Not only will dogs of all breeds, ages, and sizes be taking to Dog Beach for our favorite annual event – Surf Dog Surf-A-Thon – but the Helen Woodward Animal Center will also be announcing the first inductee into the event’s brand new Hall of Fame. That lucky pooch is Buddy, a 14-year old Jack Russell terrier.

“This honor is validation that Buddy’s a good surfer,” [Buddy’s owner Bruce] Hooker told HuffPost Weird News. “He’s a special dog.”

Former surf journalist Nedra Abramson, who now organizes the Surf Dog Surf-A-Thon, agrees, hence the decision to honor him as the first inductee.

“Buddy does it for the right reasons,” she said. “He loves to surf — and he does turns! It’s like he’s a reincarnated surfer. He’s brought the sport great notoriety.” (Via Huffington Post)

There’s plenty of other praise in the article about why Buddy and Bruce do what they do and the insinuation that the dog is surfing for “the right reasons” is hilarious enough. But screw it, the event is incredible and it helps dogs find new homes, so they could tell people that Buddy’s doing it to score major dog poon and I’d still rub his tummy and call him a good boy. Now if I could just get my dog to learn how to do anything.

Check out Buddy in action after the jump.

The 6th Annual Loews Coronado Bay Resort Surf Dog Competition was held Saturday in San Diego, California, as “ruffly” 50 canines vied for the title of the world’s most adorable surfer. Hundreds of people gathered to witness the event, as the dogs were dressed in Hawaiian shirts, leis, and sunglasses while surfing both solo and with their owners. This year’s big winner was an Australian Kelpie named Abbie Girl, and it was her second time winning the event. She’s a regular Kelly Slater. You know, if Kelly were a dog. And female. Whatever, it’s Monday.

You may remember last year’s tribute to surfing dogs set to quotes from Point Break, and while it’s hard to recreate that kind of magic, I am simply happy that we finally have a sport that consistently produces a quality product without stirring up controversies about criminal behavior, drug use and womanizing. However, I can’t help but think that a sport in which all of the females are fixed might be a great place for Travis Henry to make a comeback.

(Banner image via National Post)

(Ed. – This was not, in fact, an Australian Kelpie.)

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Gracie is an English bulldog and she surfs. That’s pretty much all I need to say, but she also gives lessons and pees on people, so she might be the coolest English bulldog since my recently departed sweet prince, Bruno R. Burns. So while everyone continues to act like the Super Bowl is some big deal or ignore the Miami Heat giving up a 21-point lead in a matter of minutes against the Orlando Magic last night, the real news today is that Gracie went surfing.

And if you’re going to be one of these “That’s not sports” trolls, then I’ve even added an extra video after the jump of a dog preparing for the Great Outdoor Games. Did I say dog? I meant pig. Yes, it’s an awesome day to be alive, friends.

Videos after the jump…

Gracie the Surfing English Bulldog