Move over, World’s Fattest Woman. More. More. Move all the way over. There’s a new Guinness Book of World Records entrant in town, and he’s probably the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida since crystal meth. You know, depending on your stance on crystal meth, in which case he might just be the greatest thing to ever come out of Florida.

Either way, Happie GOATie is now the world record holder for the longest ride on a skateboard by a goat. I believe the previous world record for a skating goat was held by Kim Kardashian. *high fives Ray J, lights hand on fire* Either way, first the goats were surfing, then they were performing parkour, and now they’re skateboarding. Pretty soon, X Games athletes are going to find themselves out of work.

Also, it’s important to note that if you Google search Happie GOATie, you need to spell his name properly. If you spell it Happy Goatie, you’ll get Happy Goatee, which will take you into a terrifying wormhole of terms and pictures that you don’t ever want to experience. Trust me.

After the jump, check out Happie GOATie’s awesome skateboarding antics.

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And now for your sort of creepy but also sort of touching story of the day… California dude Dana McGregor originally adopted his pet goat, Goatee, so she could chomp on the foliage around his home. But then he grew to love Goatee as a pet, so he started taking the nanny goat places with him, like most people would with a dog. This included trips to San Onofre State Beach, where he eventually taught Goatee how to surf with him, as you can see in the above image from their surf excursion this past Wednesday.

While I’m not quite sure how it happened – if Goatee was already preggers or if McGregor found her a goat stud – Goatee eventually gave birth to a billy goat named Pismo. Of course, McGregor taught Pismo how to surf, too, because why not? So we now have stories, pictures, and videos of surfing dogs and goats, which closes yet another chapter in my long, thorough novel, “Why Cats are the Most Useless, Meaningless Little Balls of Allergy Death on the Planet”. Available this fall in paperback.

After the jump, check out McGregor’s special tribute to Goatee, The Surfing Goat, Goatee & Me.

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