This is still making the rounds, but there’s nothing that I’ve enjoyed more today than seeing an alpaca wearing a life preserver and learning how to surf. I wonder if this animal will start making trips to the beach at night after this experience. He doesn’t look terribly impressed. I once was at an alpaca auction (don’t ask) and saw an alpaca sell for $48,000. And this was ten years ago. I don’t know what alpacas go for these days, as my building currently has a strict “no alpacas” policy. I just like saying the word “alpaca.”
Video’s after the jump. Or you could just go to Peru and see if they’re still out there. You never know.
Three guys shot a documentary surfing off the largely-uncharted west coast of Ireland, which is kind of amazing, because I thought the only thing you needed to impress girls in Ireland was a full pint glass and a general sense of belligerence. The film, Power of Three, will be released in May. Here’s the trailer.
This kid had a surfboard. On the roof.
Now, to me, that sounds like a recipe for success. All sorts of things could go right. Roofs are just made for surfing. You catch big wave of shingles and you can ride all day. Just you and the house, man. Brings you closer to God.
Shockingly, none of that happens in this video. And the clip’s closing event… **kisses fingers** Magnifique! Gravity’s best punchline in ages.
John Morgan, a 51-year-old surf shop owner… said he was about 330 yards from shore and paddling out when the 10-foot shark swelled up from underneath him Sunday afternoon.
“It freaked me out,” Morgan said. “It bumped my leg rope and next thing it tangled itself in the leg rope and started charging out to sea with me in tow. To say it was like being towed by a jet ski might be an exaggeration, but it was really fast,” he added.
Morgan said he clung to the board until the shark suddenly freed itself and disappeared.
Yeah, I know. That story sucks. Sorry. But hey, up top is the badass video of great whites eating seals in slow-motion from Discovery’s “Planet Earth.” Get high and watch that, then this story will be way better. You’ll be all, “Dude, I wanna hitch a ride on a shark, man. A shark! Holy crap that would be wild.” At least, that’s what I’ve been told people talk like when they’re high. I disapprove of illegal drug use. Unless I’m giving cocaine to strippers.
Bethany Hamilton's story is well-known: as a young teen, she was attacked by a shark while surfing, resulting in the loss of her left arm. The remarkable part, though, is that this in no way deterred her from continuing her surfing career. Now 18, Bethany's looking to build herself as a brand name and make the jump to the pro circuit.
Today, Bethany has lost her braces, gained composure before a camera and sprouted to a willowy 5 feet 11. She's a solid contender in international pro surfing contests and presides — with her family's help — over a thriving cottage industry that includes books, videos, inspirational speaking engagements and cosmetics…
Bethany nicknamed what remains of her left arm "Stumpy." The stump is too short to operate a working prosthesis, so Bethany early on decided there was no use to a fake arm. She's comfortable in tank tops or bathing suits and as a result, people are comfortable around her.
Christmas Ape and I argued a little about who would get to write about this story. I asked him what his angle would be, and he said, "Hey sharks: This half-eaten morsel still has plenty of meat on it. And she's just asking for it. Remember: there's no five-second rule in the ocean." And I admit, I was kind of amazed. I hadn't considered the possibility of another angle besides amputee sex. I mean, she is legal.
Oh, so I'm the pervert, huh? Well I've had just about enough of your Puritanical bias against amputee fetishes, mister!
