"Scenic, brah."

Of all the ideas that ESPN “Listen to me about everything” guru Bill Simmons has had, the one that has always made the most sense is that the Super Bowl should be hosted on a rotating basis with just cities like Miami, San Diego and New Orleans receiving the honor, because those are fun cities. Of course the primary argument to that is “What about New York, Boston, Chicago and all of the other large northern cities that also have NFL franchises?” and the appropriate response is simply “Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

Unless a northern city’s franchise plays in a dome (a la the Indianapolis Colts) there’s pretty much no chance in hell that it will play host to a Super Bowl soon. That is, unless Super Bowl XLVIII in New Jersey can change the league’s mind, and the city of Seattle hopes so, because people up there would love to play host for a week, despite the league’s tyrannical rules.

There are various minimum requirements for potential host stadiums, including a 70,000 seat capacity. CenturyLink Field has the capability to reach that mark. The league also set capacity for this year’s Super Bowl in Indianapolis at 68,000.

Another requirement calls for an average temperature of 50 degrees in the month of February for outdoor venues. Seattle’s average temperature in February is 44 degrees, but the owners waived the weather requirement for the 2014 Super Bowl in New Jersey. Many believe that the game at MetLife Stadium will be a strong litmus test for other outdoor stadiums in colder climates.

(Via Q13 Fox)

Most of my family lives in Washington, so I’m pretty familiar with Seattle and its awesomeness, and I’m absolutely signing on for this. For starters, don’t worry about seats, because Century Link Field has that covered, and it’s also one of the best venues I’ve ever been to. But it’s that stupid weather rule that people are going to point out, and I think it’s just wrong.

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What you need to know, from the New York Daily News:

The 33-year-old “Extra” correspondent found herself on the losing end of a bet against her colleague A.J. Calloway Sunday after her beloved New England Patriots fell short of the Super Bowl championship.

According to the terms of the bet, Menounos had to host the show in a red, white and blue bikini – and luckily for her, a pair of warm, furry black Uggs.

If Calloway had lost, he would have had to don a Patriots cheerleader outfit.

(If Mario Lopez had lost, he would’ve had to have kissed Calloway on the mouth, which he would’ve hated.)

What you’re looking for: Pictures and video of this, because Maria Menounos is awesome to look at. Well, look no further! Thanks to With Leather you won’t have to take two seconds to type “maria menunous bikini bet” into Google (and 30 or more trying to spell “Menounos”) — we’ve got video, high-res photos and a MIDI of Elton John’s “Candle In The Wind” playing in the background throughout.

(note: MIDI pending)

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Links

Rob Gronkowski and Matt Light Partied After Last Night’s Super Bowl Loss - I don’t know Gronk personally, but I assume “play football” and “party” are his only two speeds. This is how he expresses sadness. [Brobible]

M.I.A.’s Middle Finger: A Synthetic Scandal - Here’s an idea: if a “mere apology” isn’t enough to make the PTC happy, stop apologizing to the PTC. [Warming Glow]

Nicki Minaj Slowed Down = Jay-Z - The best part of the halftime show was watching Minaj bug her eyes out repeatedly and try so hard not to be the center of attention. [High Definite]

Eric Rosado Presents “Sh*t Knicks Fans Say” - I wanted to make a “Sh*t Indians Fans Say” so With Leather could get a little traffic, but “we didn’t sign anybody” and “Jason Kipnis is pretty good!” don’t make an entertaining video. [Smoking Section]

Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl Comercial Contradicting His Political Beliefs? - What about that time he shot a guy with a gun in the old west? Would he shoot someone in real life? Has he ever even lived in the old west? [Moviefone]

Extended Version Of Avengers Super Bowl Trailer Is Here, Sort Of Reveals Who’s In Loki’s Army - I hope there’s a plot point explaining why they undid all the good of Captain America’s 1940s costume and gave him that Morphsuit looking number. [Gamma Squad]

The new Spider-Man looks like a giraffe, wears track shoes - And speaking of bad super hero looks, I hope Spidey can see the Lizard through those pools of urine on his face. [Film Drunk]

The Best Of #Step Brothers - I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home. [UPROXX]

Derpy Louisiana Congressman John Fleming Thinks The Onion Publishes Real News - This is Literally Unbelievable! I hope he never sees the story about the black neighborhood terrorized by an ask murderer. [UPROXX]

18 Jaw Dropping Photos Of Europe’s Deadly Winter - Click here for 23 jaw dropping photos from Bananarama’s Cruel Summer. [Buzzfeed]

SXSW Comedy Podcast Lineup Announced - Awesome, I can finally challenge the Sklar Brothers to a duel with swords. I don’t care, I’ll take them on at the same time, I bet they don’t even know how to use swords. [HuffPost Comedy]

15 of the World’s Weirdest Marriages, ‘I Now Pronounce You… What?!’ - I said “Chuck and Larry”. What, can you not hear me? [The FW]

Why Abed and Troy from Community are the Best Geeks on TV - The Big Bang Theory is the minstrel show of this generation. We need more shows about uncool people who actually exist. [Unreality]

I don’t want to spoil too many of Next Media Animation’s insane, theological recap of Super Bowl XLVI, so check out the video after the jump. Spoiler alert: The Giants win, God has officially forsaken Tim Tebow, and the Taiwanese are out of their goddamn minds.

Enjoy:

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Ugh, look away! They're heinous!

Back when I was the editor of my student newspaper in college, I drew the ire and attention of the local chapter of the National Organization of Women after I wrote a harmless entertainment editorial about how the James Bond franchise should be celebrated for creating empowering characters in the Bond girls. Of course, the male president of this NOW chapter (*rolls eyes*) argued that Bond girls were objectified sluts, but it taught me an important lesson that if you take a stance regarding women and their looks, you’re going to piss people off.

And the point of this edition of “Cool Story, Bro” is that nobody ever taught CNBC reporter Darren Rovell that lesson, because on Saturday night, the self-proclaimed “Twitter police” had the balls to Tweet the following from the Playboy Super Bowl party:

Obviously, if you’re familiar with Rovell’s work, he likes to play with numbers, throw around statistics about money and impose his will on anyone who listens. He needs us all to know that he’s in charge and we’re just the pooper scoopers of his Twitter elephant. There isn’t really a big problem with that Tweet, as there just weren’t enough ladies for his liking, so he vented a little. Then he vented a lot.

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By defeating the New England Patriots 21-17 last night in Indianapolis, the New York Giants are the Super Bowl XLVI Champions. *holds for applause* Chances are you watched the game and know that it started off boring, then got really exciting, had some old lady flopping around and later ended with Giants quarterback Eli Manning leading what has become his trademark in a 4th quarter comeback. Manning earned his second Super Bowl MVP and he should headline an offseason of stories not limited to but including:

• Is Eli better than his brother Peyton Manning now? And many lazy people will say yes because he has two Super Bowl rings.
• Is the era of Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the Patriots over? And the answer is no, because Tom Brady is still a badass.
• Has Gisele Bundchen’s god forsaken her? Probably.
• Where is Peyton going to play? Will he end up in Miami? Washington? With the New York Jets? The Toronto Argonauts? And the answer is Miami. It has to happen. I sacrificed way too many virgins to the gods this weekend.

And there will be other news and notes, but they’ll all irresponsibly gloss over the fact that on Saturday, Kate Upton, Chrissy Teigen, Erin Andrews and some other people who claim to be famous played in the sixth annual Celebrity Beach Bowl, and while nobody tried desperately to tear Upton’s shorts off like Tom Arnold did with Marisa Miller last year, she still managed to steal our hearts once again.

Also, Brooklyn Decker was at the GQ/Lacoste Super Bowl party with some guy who plays ping pong or something, so I included them so they don’t feel left out and cry. I’m a sweetheart.

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