Prior to this week, the most I’d ever known about anything involving deer came down to: 1) Venison is delicious as long as I convince myself it’s not Bambi and 2) You can buy deer piss in hunting stores. The latter, I’m sure, is common knowledge, but I learned about bottled deer urine in high school, when I thought it would be hilarious to buy two bottles and pour them out in my classrooms. Needless to say, I didn’t have many friends.

But this week the big buzz for the ignorant types like me involves deer antler spray, which apparently possesses some performance-enhancing drug-like qualities. That’s why some people are accusing Ray Lewis of using such a spray to boost his recovery time from his torn triceps injury earlier this season. Of course, Lewis has denied that he would ever consider using a PED to help make sure that he wouldn’t miss the remaining games of his final season, and the whole thing has him agitated to all heck. Heck, I say!

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In a better world, Saturday Night Live sketches about football players would suddenly become super popular, and 80 minutes of every show would just be Kenan Thompson changing jerseys and doing the same voice to represent every black football player. Ah well, at least it wasn’t Fred Armisen in blackface again.

No Saturday Night Live Ray Lewis thing will ever top this.

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Links

Interview: Talking To Fred Armisen About ‘Portlandia,’ ‘SNL,’ And Meeting Prince |Warming Glow|

The Best Images & GIFs Reacting To J.J. Abrams Directing ‘Star Wars’ |UPROXX|

This Week in Posters & Stills: A German Shepard in a Mask |Film Drunk|

Behold, The Lineup For Puppy Bowl IX! |With Leather|

UPROXX’s Ultimate Guide To Comics For Beginners, Part One |Gamma Squad|

Getting To Know Baauer By His 10 Best Remixes |Smoking Section|

A Company Is Selling Temporary Kaepernick Tattoos |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Or, more simply, “Caekernick.”

Because simply emulating the body art of your favorite quarterback isn’t enough, Village Baking Co. in Modesto, California, has created the COLIN KAEPERNICK ARM CAKE.

@tannerscholtes was gracious enough to snap this picture and share it on Twitter. The full version of the picture is below, in case you need total confirmation that somebody made a cake in the shape of somebody’s arm and created a maelstrom of football fans who thought this was a great idea and really want to eat Colin Kaepernick’s body parts.

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Taiwan Animation takes on Super Bowl XLVII, because of course they do. Honestly, of all the weird things they’ve done, their version of Alex Smith getting a concussion is probably the funniest ever. (via NMA)

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Links

The Jesse Pinkman Saying ‘Bitch’ Supercut Is Revised And Better Than Ever |UPROXX|

5 Shows Certain To Be Renewed And 5 Shows Certain To Be Canceled |Warming Glow|

‘The Spit & the Speculum’ among AVN’s ‘Clever Title’ Nominees |Film Drunk|

Good To See Michael Jordan Still Hanging Out With Cartoon Characters |With Leather|

New Consoles, And Four Other Awesome Things Coming To Gaming This Year |Gamma Squad|

Watch Brian Scalabrine Dominate A One-On-Three Pickup Game Like Only The White Mamba Can |Smoking Section|

Ravens Fans: Still The Worst |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Last week, Carolina Panthers center Ryan Kalil (pictured above at Comic Con 2011 because it’s important) took out a full page ad in the Charlotte Observer, promising fans of his team that the Panthers were going to win Super Bowl XLVII. Obviously, with the season still a month away, and the Panthers coming off a 6-10 season, some people responded to that ad with a hearty, “LOLwut?”

On Saturday, though, Kalil backed his words up with some reassurance.

“I knew I’d take some heat for it, and rightfully so. It’s a bold thing to say, especially in such a tough game,” Kalil said. “But what I care about is who I wrote it for and who it was intended for, and that was the fans and my teammates. So in that regard it’s been very positive.” (Via the Sacramento Bee)

My immediate response to this was, “Oh sh*t, the Twitters are going to eat this dude alive.” However, aside from fans of the other NFC South teams and the typical major market loudmouths, most people seem to dig that Kalil did this. It’s probably because it was a gesture to his fan base, which is rare and refreshing, especially when done with the over-the-top aplomb and bravado replaced by passion and respect.

Kalil’s ad inspired me to ask the question, “What would it look like if more players, coaches, and owners reached out to their fans by guaranteeing Super Bowl victories?” So I went ahead and made some newspaper ads for some players and one special owner to use if they so desire.

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