Back To School Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr. “Tebowed” before presenting the Oscar for Best Documentary at Sunday night’s 84th Annual Academy Awards, briefly reviving a Kirk Douglas-aged meme and making people who think Robert Downey Jr. is funny think Robert Downey Jr. is f**king hilarious.
Gwyneth Paltrow should’ve worn a Knicks jersey and pretended she was Mr. Yunioshi from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Next year the first 20 minutes of the broadcast should just be Cirque de Soleil planking with Touch Of Evil playing in the background.
But hey, Downey’s facetious Tebowing was far from the only Oscars sports news, as three important things happened — Robin Roberts joined Best Supporting Actress winner for The Help and Auburn alumna Octavia Spencer in namedropping “War Eagle” on the red carpet, Best Picture nominee Moneyball got completely shut out and Taiwan’s Next Media Animation did a recap where they called the Oscars the “gay Super Bowl” and had host Billy Crystal run a 9-hour relay race.
Since defeating the New England Patriots to win Super Bowl XLVI last Sunday, the New York Giants have been celebrating like there’s no tomorrow. Game MVP Eli Manning took his obligatory trip to Disney World, Brandon Jacobs invented time travel and now lives in 1956, and the rest of the team has been attending sporting events and just flat out partying. But nobody has been a bigger star this week than wide receiver Victor Cruz. Why? Because he got to stand next to Kate Upton.
On Wednesday, Cruz joined Upton, designer Naeem Khan and some other people as they cut the ribbon to launch Fall 2012 Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in New York City. Last night, Cruz was also the guest of honor at the Oster Media Presents Leila Shams After-Party, of which I only know that it came after the party and was followed by the hotel lobby.
And as if it couldn’t get any greater for Cruz, he’s also being rumored for an invite to join the next season of Dancing With the Stars instead of Tim Tebow. Don’t worry, Tim, there’s always Celebrity Apprentice. I suppose it’s also worth noting that this should add a ton of pressure to the Giants’ offseason, because Cruz wants to get paid, and Giants GM Jerry Reese understands that.
“Every year there’s a guy that comes out of the shadows on different teams. That’s the beauty of the personnel in scouting. You go out and some guys like that fall through the cracks. You only have seven rounds. Those kinds of guys would probably get drafted [in] the old days. I think Rosie Brown got picked in the 27th round. If you had 27 rounds those kinds of guys would definitely get drafted, but you only have seven rounds now. So some players like Victor, with a couple redeeming qualities that some of our scouts like, would probably get drafted at some point in a draft in you had that many rounds. But it’s only seven rounds. So it’s not an exact science. Every year there’s a guy like that and there are plenty of guys who are in the Hall of Fame, but they didn’t get drafted.”
Luckily, I majored in BS as a Language back in college, so I know that translates to: “Look, dude – can I enjoy this whole Super Bowl thing for a minute or two before you go dumping in my Cookie Crisp? Sure, I want to pay Cruz but we’d also like to keep Mario Manningham. Whoever’s cheaper, you know? In the meantime, Cruz can just have fun hanging out with Ashanti at night clubs and we’ll take care of it when I’m done flicking quarters off a Polynesian dancer’s abs.”
While it wasn’t as good as the Doritos commercial with the dog killing cats and bribing his owner, the H&M underwear commercial (after the jump, ladies) starring David Beckham caused quite the stir for its bulginess and rippling abs… or so I was told, because I was totally checking my phone or peeing or outside grilling steaks, bro. But it also caused at least one of Beckham’s rivals to lash out at him via the manliest way possible – Twitter.
According to the memo that my With Leather British news agency carrier pigeon just died on top of, Joey Barton, who plays for Queens Park Rangers, sounded off about his displeasure with Beckham during the Super Bowl on Sunday night. Specifically, Barton gave Becks a jolly ol’ buggering over his tendency to endorse just about anything, as you can see above. But then he took the price of Becks’ knickers to task.
Think about it. It’s Sunday night and the New England Patriots have just lost the Super Bowl. Because you’re a Guy On The Internet, you think it’s an awesome idea to find a place with a bunch of Pats fans and troll them. In real life, that’d involve you putting on a Victor Cruz jersey, going to the UMass campus and giving everybody the finger while you salsa dance.
And, just like on the Internet, people get upset. You get threatened, and eventually somebody sucker punches you. You get dragged away (banned, whatever), the whole thing is recorded and spread around and a guy dressed like a banana is there for some reason. If you added Brazzers ads and a super loud thing telling me I’ve won a free iPad, that’s the f**king Internet, right?
The moral of the story is this: don’t be that guy on the Internet, whether you’re on the Internet or not. Better yet, don’t be the drunk Masshole who yells RRRRIOTTT when a riot might almost be happening.
"Get up, son. You're making a meme outta yourself."
Another day, another sports meme. After Tim Tebow’s practice of praying on the field developed into the act of “Tebowing”, not a single popular athlete is safe from having one simple moment turned into a ridiculous fad. Yesterday, two days removed from the New York Giants defeating the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI, Tom Brady learned that lesson all too well, as he became the inspiration for “Bradying”.
After his Patriots failed to pull off a last second miracle, it took Brady a few moments to collect himself, and he ended up looking like a miserable “Peanuts” character as he sulked on the ground. That brief moment was a blessing to the legions of NFL fans who loathe the Pats for being good at what their team isn’t – winning. And everyone with a camera and an ability to sit helped usher in this new meme era… sort of.
The best part of this is the “this isn’t real, someone is moving the baby’s chin” “of course it’s fake but it’s still a funny movie!” exchange in the comments. Second best part is that a viral video has been born of a guy hitting his baby in the throat.
Nike Basketball’s Black History Month Collection - If someone asks you, “why isn’t there a white history month?”, defriend and/or strike that person with your fist. [Smoking Section]
Six GIFs Of Jeremy Lin, The Most Surprisingly Exciting Player In The NBA Right Now - Why isn’t there an Asian history month?? (But no, seriously, this guy might be my new favorite player.) [Buzzfeed]
Girl At Giants Super Bowl Parade Can’t Wait to See Mark Sanchez - Is it Kim Kardashian? Because if it is, nobody correct her. [Brobible]
Here’s A Video Montage Of People Unplugging The TV At Crucial Points During The Super Bowl - … followed by “sh*t kids crying kids being taped by their parents because the team they like lost and love and dignity no longer exist say”! [UPROXX]
12 Famous People You Didn’t Know Were in Movies You’ve Seen - I want to know what person remembers Mumford but doesn’t remember that Zooey Deschanel is in it. How is there another circumstance for having seen Mumford? [Pajiba]
‘Can You Draw CatDog Pooping?’: 13 Fascinating Non-Celebrity Reddit AMAs - This is cool and all, but for some reason I think it’d be weirder to watch Doug poop than CatDog. And Moose from ‘You Can’t Do That On Television’. [UPROXX]
Television Sitcoms’ 10 Best Signature Dance Moves - We live in a sad, sad world where The Carlton ranks behind something from ‘Scrubs’. I may never have children. [Warming Glow]
The New Trailer For The Amazing Spider-Man Is Right Here And It Is Awesome - I can’t for the reboot in three years where Aunt May is like 35 years old and Eddie Brock is a gay Latina teen. Reboot! Reboot! [Gamma Squad]
This Week In Posters - Honestly? I don’t think I’ve liked a movie poster in years. The last one I bought was Let The Right One In. [Film Drunk]
The Maria Menounos Super Bowl Bikini Bet: A Retrospective - In case you missed it, please take a look at yesterday’s best torso. Mario Lopez was there! [With Leather]
Best Weatherman FAILS - Capital letters! If there’s one thing the Internet can agree on, it’s weather graphics that look like a penis. [HuffPost Comedy]
Awards Season GIFs: Get To Know The People Behind Your Favorite Internet Memes - An interview with strangers who made gifs. We’re through the looking glass, people. I wish the interview was just “So how do you know when to make gifs?” “I don’t know, I guess when I see something funny.” [Moviefone]
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